BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 00/25/13 "Un-engaged"

“Rockaholics helping Rockaholics” – that’s what Group Therapy is all about. It’s a sacred trust! A community of mutual assistance! An unbreakable bond; forged in love and centered on commitment…
Well, that last part might be slightly shaky during this particular session. Today’s “patient” is Heidi, a young woman who is engaged to her boyfriend after one year together, but feeling more than a little bit overwhelmed about the idea of marrying him. That’s not an uncommon situation, but Heidi’s reluctance goes further than a simple case of cold feet.
Heidi wants to call off the engagement, but she doesn’t want to end the relationship!
This is a difficult judgment call to make. Heidi’s boyfriend liked it, so he put a ring on it…but how will he react if she gives the ring back? Will he hit the road, or accept that his girlfriend is simply not ready for such a momentous step forward?
Heidi’s fellow Rockaholics shared a wide variety of reactions, ranging from “extend the engagement until you’re ready” to “Heidi has serious commitment and communication issues.”
You may be surprised to discover that I’m not taking the boyfriend’s side in this case. I have a sneaking suspicion that he may have jumped the gun a bit, and leaped without looking. It’s a far better thing for Heidi to be honest now, before she has a “Mrs.” in front of her name. She says that isn’t a matter of not being in love with her would-be-husband, so there’s still some great potential for this couple…if they can recover from a canceled engagement.
The heart wants what the heart wants. Heidi’s heart wants more time; all she can do for now is hope that her boyfriend’s heart doesn’t want to cash in the engagement ring and spend that money on home electronics. 

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09/25/2013 8:19AM
BJ'S BLOG 00/25/13 "Un-engaged"
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09/25/2013 12:24PM
She is a woman
Basically she wants to call off the engagement, but that she doesn't want to end the relationship, and that she isn't any less in love with him. She doesn't say that she is anymore in love with him either. I feel for this guy as I am sure that like most men he wants to show how much he loves his woman and how serious he is. A year for that is not uncommon. Bottom line here is she doesn't want his ring on her finger. She is using him for something other than love. It is a strong feeling that I have. To her he is not marriage material. That's the bottom line. She needs to quit trying to figure out a way to look good giving the ring back and just be honest with him and with herself.
09/25/2013 3:00PM
If she is being truthful and is still in love with him and wants the relationship to continue... Good for HIM! He got off lucky! What a terrific woman he has found! If she becomes available I'll take her!
10/04/2013 6:59AM
RE: She is a woman
That's an interesting point, thanks for reading! -
10/04/2013 7:04AM
RE: Unengaged
Hopefully it works out for the both of them! -
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