BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 01/12/12 "Collecting What is Owed to You"

Yesterday we read what has probably been the toughest Group Therapy question we’ve received so far.

Jesse emailed us in need of some serious advice. His son’s mother is getting a settlement from a car accident she was in and Jesse wants to get back the money she owes him in child support which is about $16,000.

The problem is that she has just got out of jail (again) and is restarting her life with nothing so their 16-year-old son doesn’t want him to collect the money from her.

Jesse has a good job and provides for his family, but like most people, he does struggle sometimes and if he collects this money, he will become debt free. He also mentioned that part of the money she gives him will go towards the $5,000 in medical bills he had to pay for for their son last year.

He’s afraid that if he takes this money, his son will pity his mother and hate him.

This is a touchy subject for us honorable men because we work hard to be the best we can be, yet our gender gets labeled “deadbeats” when in fact, there are more women than men per capita who are the deadbeat parents. 

How many times have we heard stories of women unfairly sucking a man’s wallet dry with child support with complete disregard on his financial situation? I’m not saying take everything away from her; he should leave her with a few grand which I believe is enough to get an apartment, pay for food and amenities, and find a job. The rest of the money should be used to pay the dad what he’s owed.

Along with getting the money back, Jesse needs to sit his son down and give him a lesson about actions and accountability. Jesse can teach him compassion by not taking everything from his ex but will also teach him if you do bad things like his mom, the world won’t be as nice to him.


01/12/2012 7:53AM
BJ'S BLOG 01/12/12 "Collecting What is Owed to You"
Please Enter Your Comments Below
01/12/2012 10:41PM
Difficult situation
I agree with you, BJ. Its a tough situation that needs to be handled carefully. Unfortunately any choice made at this point can go one way or another. My mother left her family of 6 children (me included) when I was around 9 years old. She "couldn't take it anymore", got heavily back into drugs, etc. From what I know, she never paid a dime in child support. I broke my legs in a major car accident right before my 11th birthday, so my father also had major debt in medical bills. This might not be much, but you could let Jesse know that from my point of view, as a son sees his father in a similar situation, I turned out alright. I would not have hated my father for pursuing child support from my mother if he had done so. In fact, I would have encouraged him. My mother did not deserve to earn money just to go and spend it on drugs so that she could further disappoint everyone.
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