BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 01/25/12 "Domestic Violence Bomb"

Jermaine emailed us with a very difficult problem which we discussed during Group Therapy yesterday.

Jermaine works full time but has to come home to clean his house and take care of his son while his wife sits in front of the TV from 8am to 4am every day.

Jermaine described his wife as “zombified” by the television and wants to cut his TV and internet subscription. When he told his wife this, she called him controlling and told him that what he is trying to do is domestic violence!

As men we really need to stand up and do something about this because the great women out there, for whatever reason, aren’t really policing their sisters who need help.

Many Rock-A-Holics suggested that she go to therapy which I agree she needs, but any therapist will tell you that if the person doesn’t want to be helped, counseling won’t work. You can’t force therapy or medication on a person who doesn’t see they even have a problem.

This is a very difficult situation Jermaine is in for two reasons. Reason 1: it’s his wife’s responsibility to seek and get the help she needs to motivate her live her life better, and Reason 2: the dreaded domestic violence bomb was dropped.

What Jermaine needs to do, and any other man who is going through this is immediately get legal help whether you plan on getting separated right now or not because she can later claim domestic violence in a court of law. Jermaine, record these incidents so that you can later prove your innocence if she tries to turn it on you sometime. 

As a stable guy, I try to use people like Jermaine as examples to coach other guys on how to also be stable and safe in their lives.

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01/25/2012 9:43AM
BJ'S BLOG 01/25/12 "Domestic Violence Bomb"
Please Enter Your Comments Below
01/25/2012 10:50AM
Men who do the right thing
Its amazing to me how easy is is for people to throw around the label "dead beat dad" but when is comes to women, not so much. I am a single father with custody of my son. My ex-wife is bat s%#@ crazy and she pulled some of the most insane S#$% leading up to our divorce in august of 2008. This women was arrested for assulting me in our home, later was arrested for shoplifting, has been arrested for driving on a suspended licence while driving 90 miles an hour with my kid in the car , has commited multiable attempted suicides. and hasent paid a dime of the very modest child support, that was ordered by the court reliabily, ever! I recently had to bring further court action against her to limit her visitation to supervised visits and now I'm the bad guy all over again. Nobody wants to recognize that she is a dead beat mom and I want to do whats best for my son, no I'm a vindictive controling A-hole out for revenge. I hate the doubble standerd when it comes to parenting responsibilities. Just because women have a vagina doesent make them a better parent by default.
01/25/2012 11:39AM
Stand up for yoruself Jermaine!
I'm not the perfect wife, but I recognize the importance of respect and letting my husband chill out after work. Even if I do ask him to hold our baby, it's so I can clean and cook him dinner. And he get's to watch his E-Sports thing while that's happening, so it's like vegging out. If Jermaine's wife can't even do that much, she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She doesn't want help, she doesn't want to change, she doesn't want to give to the relationship in any way. I'm sure they're not having sex. Sometimes the only thing that works to change people is drastic measures. He needs to stand up for himself, and then leave her when that doesn't work. And take the baby. He doesn't need to be around a mother who doesn't care about him. There are plenty of women out there who are willing to do what they can for their spouses. It's not too much to ask for her to pick up a darn mop or make a sandwich every once in a while.
01/26/2012 12:16PM
Get the Kids and GET OUT!!!
Jermaine, I so feel your pain in spades!! I have an EX (currently going thru the divorce process!) who treated me similarly. When I was able to work, she would do NOTHING around the house, claiming that taking care of the kids wore her out. THEN she would get upset with me when I came home from work, IN PAIN, and needed to rest. THEN, I either did not do things RIGHT when I cleaned the house OR I didn't spend enough time with the kids. ALL THIS TIME, she is NEITHER working, NOR is she doing things around the house! She was spending money we didn't have to go TANNING, BUYING BEAUTY PRODUCTS, or TAKING THE KIDS ALL OVER! Heaven forbid if ever wanted to JOIN THEM wherever they ended up when I was up to it! THEN, when I couldn't work due to pain getting to be too much, she isolated me from the kids even more, not even letting me eat meals with them. The BEST thing I could do is get out of the situation! NOW she uses my son against me whenever she wants her way, she won't really let me see my step-daughter anymore, and she is trying to make her NEWEST victim their new DAD. On the plus side, My little boy is having NONE of it, If she doesn't let me see him, he gives her the hardest time. As the "not the perfect wife" says, stand up for yourself! Stick to your guns. You have done nothing to injure her in any way. You turning off something that YOU PAY FOR is not hurting her in ANY WAY!! Tell her if she wants it back on then she needs to get off her lazy backside and get a job to pay for it! I am sure that she can get a job as a door stop or something like that! I am sure that she wasn't like that when you two first got together (things are NEVER like the end at first!) and there was a reason you fell in love with her. THIS version is not worth your time and if she refuses to get help, then there is nothing that you can do for her! Right now you need to think of the kids and yourself. Just get the kids and get out! You will ALL be the better for it!
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