BJ'S BLOG 01/25/13 "Sexually Incompatible "
Yesterday during Group Therapy, we read an email from Tricia, a Rock-A-Holic who needed some serious advice about her marriage.
She is 36-years-old and has been married to her husband for 12 years and he loves him very much. The problem is she doesn’t like having sex…AT ALL. Tricia has sex with her husband but she feels like it’s a chore and does it to make her husband happy. She recently read an article online that said 30% of couples that have had one partner engage in an affair had permission from their spouse to do so.
Tricia doesn’t feel like its fair that her husband doesn’t get to have as much sex as he’d like and when he does, he has to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to do it with him.
First off, I’d like to give her an incredible amount of props for bringing up a topic that is one of the biggest kept secrets in the female community. The same goes for men, even though I believe the number of men not wanting to have sex with their spouse would seem to be a lower.
Many women get mad when I say this but, when you get married, you are not forced to have sex with anyone, but that is a big part of that relationship. Don’t get married if you don’t want to have sex.
I think this is a fantastic thing to bring up for discussion. This could make for happier marriages if first off the couple is able to talk about their sexual incompatibilities and work that out.
Sadly, a good amount of couples are sexually incompatible and they don’t find out until after they say “I do.”
Many of us have been trained to believe that sex is the same thing as love but in reality we know it is not.
I would recommend Tricia and her husband go seek out a therapist who specializes in this and talk to her husband about it in that environment. It may help her work out her own issues and/or they might decide that it is best to keep their relationship just emotional and have him get his physical needs taken care of elsewhere.