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Yesterday we read an email from Ben, a Rock-A-Holic who was having problems with his girlfriend’s sleeping buddy.
His girlfriend of 11 months has a 3-year-old daughter and she lets the little girl sleep in her bed every night.
He’s thinking of telling her that if things don’t change, he doesn’t see their relationship going much further, but wanted our advice.
I’ve never understood the “community bed” idea; I really believe it’s more about mother’s who don’t want to cut the cord with their kids. A parent needs to cut that cord, so their kid can be on its way to becoming an autonomous being. It is a parent’s job to prepare them for the world and by having the kid sleep in the same bed as them doesn’t help.
During the topic, a listener named Jaime called and said that when her kids were 2 and 3 years old and she was still single, she would have them sleep with her. Once she got a boyfriend and wanted to form an intimate relationship with this guy, she made it a point to move her kids in their own rooms. I do give her props for at least moving the kids to their own beds once she go into a relationship but this kind of behavior needs to stop.
Some women treat their children like they are some kind of toy or some form of therapy for them. A mother’s job is to raise her children; the kids shouldn’t be the ones the parents depend on for comfort. If they happen to be comforting in the middle of everything, then that’s a bonus, but parents have to be there for their kids, not the other way around!
This society has seemed to have forgotten that! It seems like some people have kids just to bring them happiness and unconditional love just like buying a pet would, but I’m here to say that is wrong! Get the kids out of your beds, and if you don’t want to be alone at night, get a nightlight or teddy bear for yourself and start being a real parent to your kids.
Here's an idea Ben...don't date single moms! Especially if their kid is still a baby! And then issues like these don't come up! You chose your bed, and that bed had a little kid in it, so lie in it. Or go find a girl without a kid. Duh.
this is why me and my ex arent together. After her divorce her and her kid slept in seperate rooms. gradually the kid moved in and I moved out kick her to the curb and move on it wont change
My 4 yr. old seems to sleepwalk and every night will find his way to our room and every night I carry him back to his.
She is being selfish
when I split with my ex my baby was in my bed BUT we already shared a room and she was a baby, she did start out in her own bed but woke up to get into mine. I learned my lesson with that though because she was so territorial when I got married that he ended up in the toddler bed once when he got home from work, THAT was not ok and it still took us months of sharing the living room(only had a hide-abed)with her cause she was afraid to sleep alone, she slept in a recliner. he was tolerant and understood that this was temporary. we have 3 kids now and once they all stopped being tiny babies they not only left our room but our bed unless they got sick, even then they was a bed for them to sleep in so they stayed close to me..... now they don't go into our bedroom unless they are invited in.
YES! Parents need to be parents!
You're child is not your security blanket. You're child is not your friend. You need to be the mature , stable parent that raises your child to be able to conquer the world on their own. I'm sick of all these 25, 30, 35 even 40 year olds still living at home with mommy. You want to support your spoiled, lazy dependant child when their 40? Make them sleep in their own bed. Make them do chores. Make them earn that XBOX. My god people.
Thank you BJ!
as a single parent
there's no way for me to afford a 2 bedroom apt and all the daycare that i'd need, so i live in a 1 bedroom apt. my daughter and i share a room, but we have separate beds. she sleeps in her bed most nights, but from time to time she wakes up screaming (presumably from a nightmare) and i'll let her sleep in my bed. but she just turned 3 a little over a week ago, so i feel pretty good that she is in her own bed 90% of the time. i know some moms that have 10 yr olds still in their bed. we are working on being a big girl, and big girls use the potty, dress themselves, clean their room, eat their meals and sleep in their own bed.