BJ'S BLOG 03/13/14 "Ex-FWB at the Wedding"
Everyone’s invited to Group Therapy! No shirt, no, shoes, no problem! Rock-A-Holics unite!
A bride-to-be named Christy has reached out to us for some advice. Christy and her boyfriend are in the early stages of planning their wedding, but they’re a little bit stuck on the guest list.
Christy’s boyfriend has asked if he can invite his former “friend with benefits” to the wedding. As it turns out, Christy has one of those on her list as well, so it’s all fair and balanced, right?
Of course not!
Christy insists that she trusts her boyfriend (you know, the guy who’s going to marry her at this very same wedding) but she gets a weird vibe from this female friend. The boyfriend talks privately to FWB on the phone, away from Christy. Meanwhile, FWB broke up a long term relationship a few months ago, and she tells Christy’s boyfriend that she misses him.
The boyfriend has a very good reason for the request, in my opinion. The FWB’s brother is one of his best friends, and the boyfriend doesn’t want to snub FWB by not inviting her. Christy – still insisting that she trusts her man – feels like she doesn’t want to look across her wedding ceremony and see this woman in attendance.
Sometimes, I struggle with male-female communication. For example: there are times when I can clearly hear my wife speaking, but I can tell that what she’s saying doesn’t match with what she’s feeling. I think I’m getting that same impression here.
Christy’s guy is obviously comfortable with her FWB attending, but Christy can’t own up to her own mistrust of the man she’s going to marry. I don’t see any problem here, except for the massive trust issues that clearly aren’t resolved!
Do you think she should let it go? Does she have the right to veto this guest on principle? Has this scenario uncovered some much bigger issues that Christy and her fiance need to resolve before they get married?