BJ'S BLOG 03/28/14 "Why People Get Divorced"
A law firm in England recently surveyed 1000 divorced couples, and they used their responses to compile a list of reasons why people get divorced. I’m a happily married man, but I can certainly see how these reasons made the cut.
One detail that may surprise you: Most people spend as long as 2 years contemplating divorce before making a firm decision. I suppose there’s a tiny bit of comfort in that statistic, if only because it means less people are making snap judgments about relationships that are supposed to be permanent.
The list of reasons for divorce probably won’t surprise you, though…
Unhappiness (this one’s a bit general for my tastes, but your mileage may vary)
Too much arguing
Falling out of love
One big cause of divorce is a simple but painful truth: sometimes, people just change. They grow apart, and they can even leave behind the person they were before, to varying degrees.
It’s a rare thing to love someone the same way you did when you first met, especially if you came together as a couple many years (or even decades) ago. My wife and I love each other, but we’ve been through the growing pains along the way! They don’t just magically disappear as time goes on.
I think it’s fair to say that most people are a “work in progress” for most of their natural lives; if you’re lucky, you can eventually turn into something resembling a “finished work”, maybe with enough time to enjoy it before you become a “fondly remembered work.” You do your best to grow together…and if you’re lucky, you can maintain some happy middle ground.
Only 77% of people said divorce significantly affected their kids! So, we’re expected to believe that 33% of children who have been through a divorce are just A-OK? Somehow, I don’t feel like those numbers quite add up for me.
My kids are pretty much adults at this point, but they still mean the world to my wife and I. Even if we didn’t have a happy marriage, I’ll admit that I could see us sticking it out to avoid hurting the children. My son might not be so ruffled by that kind of thing, but my daughter would go ballistic. I certainly don’t want that…and no, I don’t mean that I just want to keep her off my back about it. That would just be a real bonus for me personally.
Divorce is not fun. The best you can do is try to live a happy life with a strong relationship, and everybody does their best to watch for the potholes and pitfalls along the way. There will always be bumpy roads, but they’re a hell of a lot easier if you’re not driving them alone.