BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 05/22/15 "Dressing Your Age"

Happy Friday, Rock-A-Holics! Before you take off for the holiday weekend, we could use your help with some Group Therapy!

Today's patient-in-need is Doug, who texted us (at 7999, of course) looking for some advice about his wife. Doug thinks his wife – who is in her 50s - doesn't dress appropriately for her age, and he's a bit embarrassed by some of her choices. He insists that he loves his wife dearly, but she just doesn't have the figure to pull it off.

Some may disagree, but I think Madonna is a perfect example of a woman who doesn't dress her age. Sure, she's in great shape, but she still looks like an older woman to me, and I find myself wincing a bit when I see some of her clothing choices. I'll even admit that I had to ditch my preferred skater-casual style, because I was definitely in danger of looking like an old guy who's just trying too hard.

So, my opinion comes down in support of Doug. I'd love to hear from you, gang – are Doug and I being old-fashioned and sexist, or do you agree that older women should stay in their lane, and dress their age?
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People : Madonna


BJ'S BLOG 05/21/15 "Remove That Tattoo Before the Wedding!"

Ah, it's that time of year again: flowers in bloom, sunshine on a regular basis, and love in the air. The conditions are perfect for a wedding…or Group Therapy.

Karen is in love, and the feeling is mutual. She and her boyfriend have been together for four years, and the guy proposed, in true romantic style, on a recent trip to the beach. There's just one problem: he has a very prominent tattoo of his ex-girlfriend's name on his arm. Karen wants it removed before they get married, but he's not too keen on going through that very painful process. So, she's wondering if she should put her foot down, or just move past it.

People have a lot of expectations that they foist upon other people, and this isn't the most typical situation, but I think that a lot of people would probably be sympathetic to Karen's position in this case. That being said, it's no easy feat to remove a tattoo, and the result can certainly be unattractive if things don't go too well.

I'm leaning in favor of the boyfriend here, but maybe you can persuade me otherwise, Rock-A-Holics…
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Topics : Human Interest


BJ'S BLOG 05/20/15 "Posting Provocative Pictures"

We want to see your good side, Rock-A-Holics!

Not like THAT…we're talking about the good side that is always ready to help out one of our own with some Group Therapy!

Today's topic comes from Will, who started following a woman on Instagram a while back. Most of her pictures are a little bit racy, and she has a large number of followers. Not long after Will started following her, she messaged him, wanting to hang out. Will was shocked, but he went for it…and two months later, they're officially a committed couple.

Unfortunately, the social-media-savvy new girlfriend hasn't taken her new relationship status as a sign that she should stop sharing her provocative photos online. She isn't willing to give up her fan following, but Will doesn't want his new mate sharing her goods with the mass audience. He's wondering if he should draw a line in the sand, or just let it go.

This is a tough one (aren't they all?) because Will met this woman under these established conditions, and got into a relationship with her, having full knowledge that she does this. Most guys don't want anyone else seeing their girlfriend in a revealed state, but I don't know if he has much room for negotiation here.

We'd love to hear your thoughts, good people!
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BJ'S BLOG 05/19/15 "Wearing Something from a Deceased Ex"

Hello again, Rock-A-Holics! We're gearing up for another session of Group Therapy, and we could really use your help!

Peter wrote in for some assistance with a dating situation. He's been dating his girlfriend for about eight months, and he is considering asking her to move in with him, but he's a little concerned about a particular ring that she's always wearing. When he asked her about it, she told him that the ring came from an ex-boyfriend, who gave it to her…before he died. Peter knew that she had an ex who died, and they were broken up, but still friends, before he passed away; he didn't know that the late ex gave her this ring.

Peter's girlfriend said that she wouldn't wear the ring if the ex was still alive, but she has chosen to honor his memory with it. Peter isn't very comfortable with that idea, and he's not sure what to do about it.

This is a tough one, folks. I can certainly understand the urge to keep that sentimental notion alive with a simple gesture like wearing a ring. It's also understandably a note of discomfort for her current boyfriend, who would like to get serious.

What are your thoughts, Rock-A-Holics?
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BJ'S BLOG 05/18/15 "P.P. Arnold and Lisa Fischer: Musical Greats, Yes!"

Today's blog comes from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:

A friend got me to thinking the other day, an accomplishment most of my friends try to avoid. This friend once said, "Give Dan a subject, and he will think it to death." Another good friend from radio once introduced me, saying "Here is Dan Sanders. Give him a subject, and he'll give you 20 minutes whether he knows anything about it or not." I never believed those last eight words.

So I was thinking about the hidden talent and connections in music we forget or never even know about. For example, my friend told me the hit song "The First Cut Is the Deepest," a song I like a lot, was written by Cat Stevens, and he gave it to the great soul singer P.P. Arnold. P.P. Arnold recorded it in 1967 and had a hit. It's also interesting to note she was a member of the Ikettes, the troupe that provided vocal and dance accompaniment for the Ike & Tina Turner Revue. In 1973, "The First Cut Is the Deepest" was an international hit for Keith Hampshire, a well-known British singer who between July 1966 and mid-August 1967 was also a DJ for the offshore pirate radio station Radio Caroline. The Rod Stewart version of the song, which I and most of the world knows and loves, was not recorded until 1977.

Here's another name for you: Lisa Fischer. Any Rolling Stones fan has heard her a thousand times but might not know the name. Since 1989, she has toured with The Rolling Stones and is a popular background singer with Mick. Check her out on later versions of "Gimme Shelter" (Merry Clayton recorded the first version) and "Honky-Tonk Woman." She is also featured in a great documentary about background singers called 20 Feet from Stardom.

Just as I was finishing up this blog, I got the news that on this day, May 15, B.B. King died at age 89, the same day astronomers discovered a rare Quasar Quartet. More than ever, I want that job at WHEA, Heaven's Radio, where there are a multitude of great quartets. Can you imagine hearing "Goooooooood morning, universes, galaxies, and stars of all ages! We've got some B.B. King, Ben E. King, Percy Sledge, and James Brown to kick off your sunrise today!"

All of this got me into particularly ponderous pondering (god, don't you love alliteration?). I discovered not only something about a song I love but also about the first person to record it and the second and then more about them. I learned P.P. Arnold was one of the Ikettes and Keith Hampshire was a radio pirate on Radio Caroline, and I kept going. The history of one song, "The First Cut Is the Deepest," I found fascinating as one thing led to another, a result of song sleuthing, a term I made up to describe getting down to the deepest links. My interest in music details is why I became a DJ, or at least one of the reasons.

A few more song-sleuthing moments and other thoughts are on the shores of Rambling Harbor. Drop anchor and join me there.
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BJ'S BLOG 05/15/15 "Cuddle Club"

Here's an interesting bit of news that Steve discovered: a place called the Cuddle Club has recently opened in Seattle. The founder of this business -- a trained cuddler, if such a thing can truly be certified -- says that cuddling has health benefits that range from serotonin management to therapeutic treatment of PTSD and depression/anxiety disorders. For just 45 bucks, you can cuddle up with a professional for 30 minutes. The activity is monitored via camera, just to ensure that nothing inappropriate happens during your session.

I have to admit, I'm a little bothered by this. I know you can't be surprised by that revelation, but here's what I'm struggling with: it's a well-known fact that cuddling is more beneficial to women than it is to men, at least on a psychological level. I've read studies on the chemical releases within the human brain, and men and women have different biological responses to certain things. Women get their mental oil changed by cuddling, while men's brains have their chemical refresh via orgasm. So, why can we pay to cuddle with a professional, but paying for sex is still a completely taboo – and illegal – practice? It's fine if it benefits women, but men are once again left in the cold. I guess that just gets on my nerves.

What do you think, gang? Have you tried this? Would you? We'd love to hear your thoughts about, and/or experiences with, the world of professional cuddling…
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Locations : Seattle


BJ'S BLOG 05/14/15 "Emotional Cheating"

Welcome back to Group Therapy, where Rock-A-Holics do their best to lend some emotional support to one of their own. We try to help, we really do…

Jeannie wrote in for some assistance with a marital problem. She and her husband have been married for ten years, but they're both really busy with work and life in general. As a result, they don't spend a lot of quality time together these days.

Jeannie started going to lunch with a male coworker, and they "really hit it off", in her words. Over the past year, they became very close, and Jeannie realized she was starting to fall for this guy. Although she insists that they never had any kind of physical contact, she does admit that things were getting out of hand with off-work text messages, and they even made plans to get together with the intent of taking things further. Luckily, they didn't follow through.

Gosh, I feel like I've said this a million times before, but let's give it one more try: ANY MAN WHO SHOWS YOU ATTENTION, BEYOND THE REQUIRED POLITE INTERACTION, IS INTERESTED IN MORE THAN A FRIENDSHIP.

Jeannie says the coworker has thankfully been promoted to a position in the company that keeps them away from each other, and they both agreed to cut the relationship off. Now, Jeannie is feeling guilty, and she wonders if she should come clean to her husband.

You know, we always start the Group Therapy radio segment with the reminder that professional help is available, but we rarely invoke that as actual advice. In this case, however, I believe that some counseling might be a good thing. Emotional cheating can be dismissed as harmless in our society, but I'm of the opinion that it's just as damaging as a physical indiscretion…and in some cases, perhaps even more so.

My suggestion of professional help doesn't mean that your opinions aren't needed here, folks! We'd love to hear
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BJ'S BLOG 05/13/15 "I Hate My Own Gender"

Hey, gang! We'll be back with some fresh Group Therapy soon enough…but today, we're going to throw you a topic of discussion that started on Reddit. A poster on that site asked men what they hate about other men, and here are some of the general points that were brought up:

"I hate men that want to fight other men."

"I hate guys who comment in true douchebag style on Facebook photo posts made by women."

"I hate ugly guys who are judgmental about attractive women."

This list is barely scratching the surface of things you can hate about your own gender, and that includes men AND women. So, let's hear from you, folks! What do you hate about your own gender?
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BJ'S BLOG 05/12/15 "When We Want It Most"

As a "morning guy", I am focused on work at 7:54 A.M. on the weekdays…but according to some recent research, I should be preoccupied with getting some action. That's right: some new data suggests that men want sex the most just before 8:00 in the morning, while women have their strongest urges at 11:21 P.M….which is well after I've gone to bed, since I have to get up so damn early!

As I sit here, surrounded by other dudes in a tiny room…well, let's just say that I'm slightly disturbed by these new statistics. As for the male-female scheduling issues that are raised by this information, I try to live by the Boy Scout motto: BE PREPARED.

It's all we can do, guys.

That being said, there is apparently a window of time that's good for syncing up between the sexes. 9 P.M. to 11 P.M. is the magic time period, so maybe you should turn off the DVR during those hours, and enjoy some "alternative programming" instead…
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BJ'S BLOG 05/11/15 "Hey, Is That U2?"

Today's blog comes from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:

I lived and worked in New York City for over 10 years, at WPAC (now WALK), one of my first radio jobs. When I first moved there with my dad, he told me you could stand naked at noon in Times Square and crow like a rooster, and no one would notice. I never tested that theory and to my knowledge neither did my dad, but I believe it's true.

If you're from New York City, you make it very clear that's where you're from. It's not unusual to hear someone say "I'm from New York" and quickly add "the city, not the state"! New York City is truly the home of the strange, the bizarre, the scene, the never before seen, and many times, the wish you had not seen. Now imagine you're standing on a subway platform and you hear what sounds like a group of pretty decent street performers playing some U2 tunes. Not bad, you think, and then you notice that guy in the blue cowboy hat looks a lot like Bono and the dude in the sock hat could be the twin of "The Edge." Almost instantly, what to your wondering eyes and ears should appear but the wham-bam holy "Angel of Harlem" knowledge that you are actually standing next to the real U2 and they are doing an impromptu concert in the bowels of the New York subway system. That's pretty cool.

Of course, this hoopla was ahead of U2's May 8 performance on Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show. Remember it was just back in November Bono had that bike accident in Central Park and later released a statement that his recovery had been much more difficult than he expected, saying "it is not clear that I will ever play guitar again." He said he would "miss fingering the frets of my green Irish Falcon or my (RED) Gretsch. Just for the pleasure, aside from writing tunes. Does the Edge, or Jimmy Page, or any guitarist you know have a titanium elbow, as I do now? I'm all elbows." But he recovered, and chances are good he will be fingering those frets for a long time to come.

There are certain songs that were just made to be sung, in the shower alone or in a group (not necessarily a group shower), songs that you might not even know all the words to but know just enough to sing loud and proud, songs like "Louie Louie." Jack Ely of the Kingsmen and the voice behind the most well-known version of that song died April 28 at 71. And who has not, at one time or another under the blistering heat of lunacy and arousal, broken into "You Sexy Thing"? Errol Brown, the lead singer of Hot Chocolate and the voice of "You Sexy Thing" and "Every 1's a Winner," died Wednesday, April 6. He was 71.

There's more on music, mayhem, and madness on the banks of Rambling Harbor. Come on ashore.
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BJ'S BLOG 05/08/15 "Spouse Quitting Their Job"

It's time for Group Therapy! If you're a Rock-A-Holic seeking help, then we'll do everything we can to offer you some advice. No guarantees and no refunds, but hey! At least it's free.

Today's patient-in-need is Kelly, who is worried about her husband's career path. It seems that he's quitting his stable job in favor of starting his own business, and Kelly has the sinking feeling that he's not making the right choice. Kelly's husband has a great-paying job, but he's been unhappy for some time, due to a bad relationship with his boss. She loves and supports her husband, but she's worried about their ability to keep the household functioning on her salary alone, while he tries to make a career for himself with his new pursuit.

We don't have all the facts here – like how old Kelly and her husband are, and whether or not they have kids – but it's a tough call, no matter what the situation. Most couples would very likely face considerable struggles if they suddenly made only half of their combined income, and that seems like a relatively reasonable concern in this case. One thing's for sure, though: being partnered with someone requires a degree of mutual responsibility to the people who depend on you, both financially and emotionally.

This is one of those generational things, like so many of the issues that we tackle around here. I was raised in a world where the man does whatever he needs to do to support his family, so my knee-jerk reaction is to say that this is a bridge too far in terms of the risk. On the other hand, I admire the husband's ambition…but there's a fine line between chasing a big dream and living an unworkable fantasy.

Should Kelly put her foot down, and tell her husband to keep his steady job? She doesn't want to crush his dreams, but she's pretty worried about the future. Your advice is requested and appreciated, fellow Rock-A-Holics…
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People : Kelly


BJ'S BLOG 05/06/15 "Naked Pictures"

Hello again, my fine fellow Rock-A-Holics! It's a great day for some Group Therapy, so let's try to help someone out, shall we?

Zachary and his girl have been together for three years, and they recently got married! He says they rarely disagree about anything, but a recent discovery has caused a big difference of opinion.

Zachary's phone was damaged, so he was using his wife's - as needed - until his could be repaired. During a hiking trip, Mr. Z had occasion to take some pictures with said phone…and that's when he found something that didn't make him very happy: an album of "dudes and their junk".

Our own Vicky Barcelona explained that all of her female friends get these photos texted to them, and they share them around in mass texts. Zachary thinks the whole thing is weird, and he is wondering if he should demand that his wife delete them from her phone.

Oh, modern technology! You truly are a marvel. We couldn't even DO this a couple of decades ago, and now it's commonplace. This is one of those negotiation items that will come up in a committed relationship, and I'm not entirely sure what my opinion is.

What do you say, good people? I'd love to hear from firsthand experience, or just opinions in general…
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People : Vicky Barcelona


BJ'S BLOG 05/05/15 "Your Sibling's Spouse"

Welcome back to another Group Therapy session, ladies and germs! It's all about Rock-A-Holics helping Rock-A-Holics, so let's get right down to it!

We heard from Carrie, who is more than a little bit scandalized by the fact that her sister's husband made a pass at her recently. They're both happily married, and have a good friendship, but the brother-in-law crossed a line with his advance during a recent visit to Carrie's house. The spouses had gone to bed, there had been some drinking involved, and Carrie's brother-in-law sat down right next to her and rubbed her leg. Nothing happened beyond that, and the sister and her husband left the next morning without anyone bringing it up. Now, Carrie's wondering what to do, and who – if anyone – she should tell about this.

Gosh, what a surprise it is to hear that alcohol was involved. Adding liquor to the idiotic impulses that drive humans forward on a biological level is usually a recipe for disaster. Also, it's hard to sort these stories out when we don't have both sides, especially when drinking plays a part in the proceedings. Personally, I just wouldn't hang out with someone else's wife alone if we'd been drinking. That's never a good plan for anyone, because alcohol can lower your inhibitions and change your behavior…and that's just a fact.

Let's hear it from you, gang: what do you think about Carrie's situation?
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BJ'S BLOG 05/04/15 "Burning Bras, Jimmy Carter, Palm Trees, and Keith Richards"

Today's blog comes from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:

As you read the title, you might have thought, what the ???? is this all about? Well, welcome to my brain, or at least a skosh of it.

You see, many different things threaded their way into my brain in the last week. Jimmy Carter and bra-burning are related subjects, and I'll explain. Burning bras conjure up images of warm tropical breezes and palm trees, and where there are palm trees, there once was Keith Richards, falling out of one.

Last week, an article written by former president Jimmy Carter and published on July 15, 2009 but missed by many, went viral. In the article, Carter ended his 60-year relationship with the Southern Baptist Convention. The convention's leaders, citing bible verses claiming that Eve was created second to Adam, declared that women must be "subservient" to their husbands and prohibited from serving as deacons, pastors, or chaplains in the military, and Carter felt he had no choice but to cut his ties. He could no longer support a group who believed in the subjugation of women. As women struggle for equality in almost all areas of life, Jimmy Carter made a difficult, "unavoidable" decision, opting to try to improve the lives of women everywhere. Way to go, Jimmy Carter!

Before the 1960's, most women were housewives and mothers and not much more. During the 1960's, women ramped up demonstrating for equal rights, and some women, ticked off by the stereotypes, took action to create change. One of the most legendary protests by feminists took place on September 7, 1968, when nearly 400 women protested the Miss America pageant outside the Atlantic City Convention Center. Though this was called a bra-burning, there was never any fire. Organizer Robin Morgan wrote that the group was protesting the pageant's promotion of the "ludicrous beauty standards we ourselves are conditioned to take seriously." As the pageant was taking place, feminists marched around the Freedom Trash Can and tossed in their bras, high heels, girdles, makeup, and even detergent, items they perceived as symbols of feminine oppression. Way to go, women!

On a lighter note, April 29, 2015, marked 9 years since the Keith Richards–palm tree incident during his holiday on Fiji. Legend has it the Rolling Stone had been swimming and climbed a tree. When he grabbed a branch, his wet hands slipped, and he fell seven feet, resulting in hospitalization for a mild concussion. However, there is another report. I read somewhere that after falling, Keith jumped up and took off on a jet ski. While this report, as far as I know, has never been confirmed, I believe that he fell from the tree and landed on his coconut then saw a bra floating on the water and took off on the jet ski to rescue it.

There's more on the shores of Rambling Harbor, where all are equal and bras are optional. Join me there.
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BJ'S BLOG 05/01/15 "Break Up Or Wait?"

Listen, Rock-A-Holics…it's just not working out. Don't worry; I'm not talking about OUR relationship, which is just fine. I'm referring to the subject of today's Group Therapy.

Brian and his girlfriend are approaching the two-year mark, and he's just not feeling the love anymore. In fact, he's reached the point of being ready to break up with her! Unfortunately, her grandfather just died, and she's not taking the loss very well. Brian is trying to be there for his girlfriend, but the turmoil has definitely confirmed to Brian that he doesn't have feelings for her anymore. He feels like it would be insensitive for him to leave her during this rough time in her life, but he really wants out.

Sometimes, you have to put yourself first. Is this a tough situation? You bet it is. Unfortunately, you can't make choices about your life based on the events going on in someone else's…especially if your own happiness is tied to your relationship with that person, for good or for ill. It will suck, but my advice is to rip off the bandage and be done with it.

Maybe I'm the insensitive one, though, so let's hear it from you, good people! Should Brian get this breakup out of the way, or should he wait until her personal wounds have healed up a bit?
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