BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 04/03/14 "One Night in Jail"

Today’s session of Group Therapy has put me in the mood for a song. Come on, Rock-A-Holics, you all know this one:
“Bad boys, bad boys, what’cha gonna do? What’cha gonna do when they come for you?”
We might have to change the famous COPS theme to call out the bad girls, depending on the evidence we hear from Marissa, who reached out and is looking for some advice. Marissa once spent a night in jail, and she’s not sure if she should tell the man she’s involved with.
Marissa’s situation wasn’t exactly a small matter: she spent the night in jail for a DUI. She’s 27 years old, and has been dating her new guy for a month…so how important is disclosure of the penalty she paid for a serious lapse in judgment?
I feel like most women are very detail-oriented when it comes to a partner’s past, but men tend to divide issues into very black and white columns. Marissa insists that she doesn’t drink and drive anymore, but a DUI can definitely carry a special stigma. Don’t get me wrong; I believe in letting actions speak louder than words, but if this was my girlfriend, the possibility would almost certainly be on my mind every time she goes out drinking.
Personally, I think Marissa should leave the past in the past, and focus on being wiser in the future. Let’s hear your judgment on this case!
BONUS HONESTY POINTS: Have you ever confessed a criminal past to a partner, and how did they take the news?

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Topics : Human Interest

04/03/2014 7:15AM
BJ'S BLOG 04/03/14 "One Night in Jail"
Please Enter Your Comments Below
04/03/2014 11:12AM
I confessed
I told my significant other after I got to know her, so after about a month. She had no issue with it as long as I had learned my lesson, and I did. Ooohhhh I did alright. It was a little bit nerve wracking for me to go through with it but I'm a lot smarter about every time I plan on going out. Either walk, cab or bus. I keep some "mad money" in my shoe for emergencies and such, and I also use the car as a tool and not a convince. I even use my laziness as a perfect excuse! If a friend wants me to go drink and I have to drive there, I pass or offer an alternative location. If I have been drinking and a car is involved, then I say that I can't be bothered to get behind the wheel because I'd rather sit and enjoy myself with drinking then drive. Safer, cheaper and peace of mind not to get in trouble. But I digress, I tell people that I care about because I'd rather have them learn from my mistake and to not hide simple stuff from a relationship that could potentially rear its ugly head later on.
04/03/2014 12:47PM
no big deal
While I've never gotten into trouble with the law, my boyfriend of 5 years has...thus exact same I care? No, it was well before we met, and no I don't worry when he goes out now. Now if that one dui were 3 or 4, that might be a different story....everyone makes mistakes, if you hold every little thing from someones past against them your relationship is doomed to fail
04/04/2014 6:16AM
I think you are right on a lot of points, the stigma with drunk driving, and leaving the past there. That being said I think when you are with someone especially when it is serious you should be able to talk to them about everything past, present, and future. I have been married for 12 years and my husband is my best friend, he knows every horrible thing about me and hasn't run. That makes for one great relationship!
04/14/2014 7:16AM
RE: I confessed
That's great to hear that you were honest and upfront but it's also awesome to hear that she didn't judge you for it. Keep on the responsible road! :D -
04/15/2014 8:24AM
RE: RE: I confessed
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