BJ'S BLOG 04/11/13 "My Stepson is looking at Porn"
When Rock-A-Holics need help, they turn to Group Therapy…
We heard from “Heisenberg” (no relation), who recently discovered that his 12-year-old stepson has been looking at porn on his iPod Touch. The mom doesn’t know, and the kid doesn’t know that his stepdad found the evidence. Heisenberg can’t decide what to do: Should he tell his wife? Talk to the stepson? Confiscate the iPod for ‘evidence examination’?
This would be a tough question for a biological parent; being the stepdad adds another layer of uncertainty. There’s a chance to bond with the stepson, but there’s also an obligation to the kid’s mom. Add to that the embarrassment and shame that society assigns to sexual matters, and it’s a tangled situation to say the least.
We don’t have the facts on the kid’s biological father, so I can’t say where the responsibility sits in this family unit. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I think that it’s far better for everyone if fathers handle the “boy talks”, and mothers handle the “girl talks”. Every family is different, of course, so this is hardly a one-size-fits-all solution…but if I was the stepdad, I’d probably talk to the kid, and at least help him understand the need for discretion in his exploration.
Heisenberg, if you’re the main father figure in this kid’s life, this is a chance to step up and forge a bond and also to teach him that he doesn’t have to be ashamed of something that comes naturally for pretty much everyone. I think, if given the choice, most men would wish that someone had helped remove a few of the stigmas around this very ‘touchy’ subject…