Welcome to the Group Therapy club, ladies and gents. Grab yourself a drink, and put it on my tab.
(Please note: we only serve water, and it’s free. Remember to tip your server.)
Lauren is a Rock-A-Holic who doesn’t let her relationship status keep her from flirting with guys at the bar, and letting them buy drinks for her. She recently spent 45 minutes drinking with a strange man (on his dime) before mentioning that she was in a committed situation. The would-be suitor wasn’t too happy about this; he bailed out immediately, and told Lauren that she’d been leading him on. He also said that he wouldn’t accept that kind of behavior from a girlfriend.
Naturally, Lauren isn’t sure if she’s doing anything wrong.
I can appreciate the fact that Lauren reached out, told her story, and is now looking for opinions from her fellow Rock-A-Holics…but I’m not sure if she’s going to appreciate my feelings on the matter.
Personally, I think there’s an implied social understanding when a woman allows a man to buy her a drink in a bar; it creates the hope of a possibility for something beyond acquaintance. If you’re in a relationship, I think it’s best to put your cards on the table at the beginning of the game. You could almost reduce that down to simple common courtesy.
I’m not saying there’s a reasonable expectation of something physical happening because a man buys a drink for a woman, but can we agree that most people don’t engage each other in bars for purely platonic reasons? It’s not a Sunday Social.
Is Lauren doing anything wrong by accepting drinks from guys in bars, and talking to them for an extended amount of time before telling the truth? Oh, and she hasn’t told her boyfriend about the guy who felt she was leading him on…but she wonders if she should.
BJ'S BLOG 04/16/14 "Can he buy you a drink...if you’re in a relationship?"
Please Enter Your Comments Below
The fault falls to both
on him for not asking sooner if she was in a relationship, and on her for accepting the drink and the conversation. were it my wife, I'd have no problem with her excepting drinks so long as she makes it clear that nothing is going to happen. But asa Man he needs to man up and ask the questions he wants the answers too, not beat around the bush and then get mad because he lead himself on just as much as she led him on.
Because she's a W H O R E! - (quoting the honorable Topshelf)
First off, I'm a female... Practically every time I've been out with friends at least one of them accepts drinks from a guy, however, they're almost all in relationships and have no intentions to interact with the guy beyond getting a drink. I think by accepting a drink it leads a guy on. I've noticed that most girls do not see it that way, they look at it as a free drink. If a guy tries to buy me a drink, I just politely decline and say, "no thanks, I have a boyfriend". Sometimes that's met with an odd response such as the guy just walking away but I respect my boyfriend and wouldn't want him buying random girls drinks.
As someone who has done something like this as well, I have some soft rules for when someone buys me a drink:
1) Never order anything you didn't intend to pay for. Never, ever order with the implication that he's buying.
2) If I order a drink and he tells the bartender it's on him, usually he'll insist he pay for it, even if I politely tell him not to. I won't argue after the initial protest. I don't feel obligated to tell him I'm in a relationship at this point. At this point, it's only considered a friendly gesture.
3) If he sends a drink over and we have not been talking, I go over and thank him for the offer, but admit the relationship immediately. Take your cue from him whether or not to keep the drink or return it to the bartender.
4) If we've been talking, and he tries to buy me a second drink, I'll flat out tell him I'm with someone, so that he doesn't get his hopes up. A second drink implies that you're receptive to his advances. If he buys it anyway, that's fine - you've done your due diligence by announcing that you're not available like that. If the conversation is good enough, he'll probably be disappointed, but may still buy the drink anyway. Again, never order anything you don't intend to pay for.
what's it worth to you?
II. I value my time and money. Before I buy anything i do a little research. When it comes to buying drinks for ladies i ask if they are single and if so would they like to sit and have a drink with me. I know a lot of ladies who flirt to get drinks, even single ones that flirt to get a drink then bail out on the poor dude, drink in hand!
Dump the Ho!
He man woman haters club President
Typical behavior all women exhibit and expect a free pass on. Dump that W H O R E.
Tacky and not ok.
One drink maybe. But not sitting there for 45 minutes, allowing him to buy her drinks, and then finally divulging she is in a committed relationship! how would she feel if this same guy was playing a game like that with her? Or if her boyfriend or husband was buying a bunch of drinks for another woman? can't afford to go out and drink on your own? Don't go out. Or go out with the person you are in a "committed relationship" with. What you are doing is wrong, and you know it or you wouldn't be asking a radio show for advice.
If I were in a committed relationship with this woman and I walked into that bar and saw her drinking with another man for 45 minutes and several drinks she probably wouldn't be my girlfriend anymore. Being single a guy at a bar is gonna try anything to meet someone or hook up with someone and she needs to realize this. If a guy buys you a drink then it's going to be to try and get to know you or to hook up with you. Maybe this woman isn't treated well enough by her boyfriend and needs to lie to have a good time.
she needs to grow up and be a lady
This situation comes up a lot when i go out with out the girls, each time i answer with the same, no thank you I am married, end of conversation. Girls need to learn how to act like women!
I have only accepted a drink form a man once, the situation was different though. I was at the bar with my husband and a bunch of friends, while buying my husbands best friend a beer a guy bumped in to me and touched where he shouldn't have (by accident), the man thought that I was with the guy I was at the bar with and bought a both of us a drink to apologize, we clarified the situation and he insisted we keep them, even though we offered to pay for them cause it was an accident. I am close to my husbands friends and their family's so i could see the confusion for that poor drunk guy who was just trying to make it right. My husband had a good laugh out of it and accepted the drink cause his buddy didn't want it.
RE: Accepting Drinks
I like those set rules! I never accept a drink (single or in a relationship) if I know nothing is going to happen with this person. Some people get offended but I don't care because I know I'm not putting myself in an awkward social situation. - Vicky B