BJ'S BLOG 04/17/13 "Friend's with the Ex's Family"
Earlier this week during Group Therapy, we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Erin who wanted to know if it was wrong for her to tell her husband that he can’t go to a certain person’s birthday party.
Her husband has maintained a relationship with his ex’s father and even visits from time to time. They were friends before he started dating his friend’s daughter and he sees him as a fatherly figure.
He was recently invited to his birthday party but it’s going to be at his ex’s house. Erin doesn’t think it is appropriate for him to go to this party. She understands they have a strong bond but she also thinks that a line needs to be drawn since he is now married to her.
She told him that when he decided to date this man’s daughter, he took the risk of losing their friendship if the relationship didn’t work out. “
Erin wanted to know if her husband was out of line for keeping this friendship and wanting to go to the party of if she was for having a problem with it.
This is a tough one in my eyes because I see both sides of this situation.
On one hand, it can be viewed as disrespectful to have reminders of an ex around once you enter a new relationship. On the other hand, we don’t know this guy’s story; he says this man is like a father to him which makes me think that maybe he didn’t have one around and really looks up to him.
I’m not going to trash this guy because I would be a hypocrite.
To this day, I have stayed friends with one of my brother’s ex girlfriends. She was very good to us, my family loved her very much and at first it made my brother uncomfortable but it’s been decades since they dated.
If they were friends before the relationship and it has truly had a positive impact in his life, maybe an exception can be made.