A Rock-A-Holic named Trisha wrote in asking for some relationship advice which we addressed in Group Therapy yesterday.
Trisha and her boyfriend have been together for nearly two years but before that, he was with his ex for 11 years!
He cheated on his ex with her and eventually left to be with Trisha. There was a cross over period where he was still living with his ex of about six months while he was with Trisha but slept in separate beds…as far as we know.
He has since moved out and has his own place. Trisha’s biggest insecurity she says is that even though they have been together for two years, he still hasn’t told his family about her and some of them don’t even know that he left his ex yet!
She took it upon herself to look through his phone, and she found texts from his family and his ex’s family which pass along regards to both of them. So not only has he not said anything to his family, some of his ex’s family doesn’t know about the break up either.
Trisha wanted to know if she should give him an ultimatum: if he doesn’t introduce her to his family by the end of this month, she will leave.
There is so much very wrong with this situation.
I know this is going to harsh but Trisha wrecked an 11 year relationship! What I think is missing in this situation and even in society is a man’s directness especially in the Pacific Northwest! Most men have lost that directness and in order to spare someone’s feelings, they won’t be honest.
Well here is the truth, Trisha is a big girl now, and she has to realize that she’s a home wrecker! When you’re with a person that allows you to wreck their home, what do you think you’re getting into? “There is no honor amongst thieves.” When you deal with dishonorable people, you get unfavorable results. Trisha needs to see that her boyfriend is a leopard who may never change his “cheating” spots.
Nobody knows how to be direct anymore. Trisha allowed an unsavory relationship to blossom hoping she was someone's exception. 9/10 times you're never the exception...
Making the bed you lay in
1. He lied and cheated to be with her
2. She didn't care at that time that he lied and cheated to be with her
3. He's still lying and could be cheating on *her*
It's time for both of these people to grow up. This sort of relationship will go nowhere.
If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you!
karma is a biotch and so are you
Trisha, you made this choice - own it! You decided to be with this man knowing he was with someone else; and you didn't care. You have no honor or pride and a very poor self image. Your bf is now just letting it play out and using you for as long as you let him.
Ignore the supreme ignorance above
Every relationship is different. You have to trust your feelings.
Self image issues
It seems this more reflects her self image rather than this guys indiscretions. It is possible she has done something like this before as well. I have found it to be incredibly common anymore for homewrecking of some kind to occur to get people OUT of relationships. Trisha was most likely lonely and not sure if she would find someone, and when she did, she was happy to take it from someone who was already "dedicated" to someone else. She looks so down upon herself that she cannot see the real truth.
Perhaps the issue is we take self-esteem too far, and maybe even use it as an outlet rather than being reality. If individuals can justify wrong actions even a small bit, it is often enough to just ignore the big picture.
trisha should dump the dumb *** hes just going to go back and forth wake up and smell the coffee your getting used for something, better figure it out