BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 08/04/15 "Playboy Subscription"

If you want the naked truth, then Group Therapy is the place for you!

Marcy and her husband got married about six months ago, and things are going well. The husband has a subscription to Playboy, and it really bothers her. She admits that she's aware that Playboy is tamer than most men's magazines, but she doesn't like him looking at other naked women.

"I only read it for the articles" is a joke that goes back several decades, but Playboy is an insightful magazine with some top-notch writing. That said, let's not kid ourselves…he's also looking at the pictures.

Marcy, I appreciate your honesty about why the Playboy subscription irritates you. You don't like your man checking out other women, and that's not unreasonable. In your correspondence, you asked two questions:

1. Are you being unreasonable; and/or
2. Do you have a valid point?

I think the answer is "both and", an idea my therapist introduced to me. There doesn't have to be a yes/no answer to your two questions. Let's hear what the Rock-A-Holics have to say! I'd like to hear from men AND women on this one, so take this as your cue to sound off!
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BJ'S BLOG 08/03/15 "Thoughts on Time and Rocky Horror"

Today's blog comes from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:

In the song "Fly Like an Eagle" by the Steve Miller Band, time keeps slipping into the future. The Time Machine" by H. G. Wells helped move the concept of time travel to the forefront of the public imagination, and Einstein, in his theory of relativity, cited that time travel was possible. He said he wished he could ride a lightning bolt so he would move fast enough to travel through time. (What Albert planned to use as a saddle is unknown.)

My father was highly intelligent and a very good man who taught me many things, a few of which I have lived by my entire life. One was, "Don't waste time. It's the stuff life's made of." Another was, "Sleep is a waste of time. I'll sleep when I'm dead."

"The Time Warp" is a song featured in the 1973 rock musical The Rocky Horror Show and in its 1975 film adaption The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It seems that from the scientific to the ridiculous, we are obsessed with time. I know I am.

On July 8, 2012, a 28-year tradition came to a close. When the AMC Loews Harvard Square Theater closed its doors for good, it brought an end to performances there of The Rocky Horror Picture Show by The Full Body Cast. Each Saturday at the Harvard Square, the regulars, dubbed "sluts," returned week after week, and the "virgins," as they were called, came to check out the show, the actual performance starting at 11:59 p.m. sharp at the Church Street multiplex. Some longtime fans credit Rocky Horror with helping them meet their spouse or launching their acting career. Now the long lines of men and women in some combination of black fishnets, stilettos, lace corsets, gold spandex shorts, and red lipstick V's on their foreheads, have left Harvard Square forever.

Rocky Horror and The Full Body Cast performance has moved on to the Boston Common Theater, but in my mind, the men and women, the sluts and virgins, are still in Harvard Square, lining up or sitting on the steps outside the theater, waiting for the director's call, "We're in," which meant the crew could now set up the stage.

If we believe Einstein and H. G. Wells, somewhere in time and space my old friends are still young and full of hope for the Great White Way or the major radio or TV deal. Somewhere perhaps hope still springs eternal.

What we have now is today, and we should not dare waste a minute of it because time does slip into the future and we will never return to be those people of the past. They still live in their space in our hearts and minds, and maybe that is just where they should be.

There's more on time and space and other things on the shores of Rambling Harbor. Click Play and join me there.
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BJ'S BLOG 07/31/15 "Mean On Twitter"

A Rock-A-Holic in need is never alone in Group Therapy! Come on in, and get some help from your own people!
We heard from Wendy, who needs some help with a problem that spans from her workplace to the internet. Wendy recently found out that a coworker has a Twitter account, and she checked it out. It turns out the coworker’s Twitter feed is full of weird tweets about Wendy, and this isn’t just paranoia: some of the posts even mention her by name! Wendy and the coworker aren’t close friends, but they have a cordial working relationship; she had no idea her officemate felt that way.
(Are you new here? We never say things to your face in the Pacific Northwest!)
Wendy doesn’t think that the coworker realizes her account is public, and now Wendy can’t stop looking. Unfortunately, I think that would be the case for anyone in this situation; if you know there could be something new being written about you – even if it’s horrible – you can’t resist checking it out.
Wendy is hurt by the whole thing, and she wonders if she should tell her boss. Honestly, I don’t think that’s a terrible idea, but it’s hard to gauge the drama that might follow that reveal, because I don’t know her workplace situation. That being said, the co-worker is an idiot for naming her in public, so I think she deserves whatever she gets.
(Hey, you could always start re-Tweeting her posts about you, for ultimate passive-aggression. )
We’d love to hear your advice for Wendy, good people! Should she confront her coworker, tell her boss, or just let it go! Sound off!
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BJ'S BLOG 07/30/15 "Mean On Facebook"

The internet is a great place, full of wonderful people who want nothing more than to lift your spirits and boost your confidence.
Well…that’s usually how it is on Group Therapy, anyway. I can’t really speak for the rest of the internet.
When it comes to people exhibiting questionable human interaction skills, you can always count on Facebook. Our own Vicky Barcelona could go on forever about the weird and bizarre encounters she’s had via social media, and today’s tidbit comes from her Facebook message inbox…
Recently, she received several fairly polite (but unsolicited, which is kind of creepy) messages from a guy she doesn’t know. He was very complimentary toward her, commenting on her attractiveness and asking about her relationship status. She didn’t respond immediately, which was apparently an insult to her admirer. After a few days, she received another message from him, this one assaulting her at full blast with comments about everything from her perceived lack of manners, to her physical appearance, which he was extremely rude about.
I’ve never been able to understand what it is about social media that makes people think they have the right to engage with people in whichever manner they choose, especially when the person on the receiving end is a woman. It’s really no different from catcalls and whistles in real life, and it irritates the hell out of me to know that Vicky – and countless other females – should have to endure that. Get a life, jerks.
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BJ'S BLOG 07/29/15 "Best Man Hates the Bride-To-Be"

Welcome back, Rock-A-Holics! Before we begin, I’d like to remind you all that we value your sincere and honest feelings in Group Therapy, so don’t hold back...because we certainly don’t!
By the way, I don’t like that shirt on you. Sorry.
Today’s patient-in-need is Kenny, who is all set to be the best man at his cousin’s wedding. Kenny and his cousin have always been the best of friends, but there’s just one problem…Kenny seriously HATES his cousin’s fiance! He just doesn’t like this woman, and the fact that this marriage is following a mere 8 months of dating is adding fuel to the fire.
The cousin doesn’t know about Kenny’s feelings toward the bride-to-be, which makes this next bit even more awkward: during a recent conversation, the cousin asked if Kenny dislikes his fiance. Kenny lied and gave her the stamp of approval, but then the cousin said that he was asking because he values Kenny’s opinion, and wanted to make sure that he didn’t have any reservations about the woman he’s planning to marry.
Now, Kenny’s feeling conflicted, and his wife says he should step up and share his feelings before it’s too late. Kenny’s friends, who ALSO hate this woman, have advised him to stay out of it.
I don’t know the ages of the happy couple – and I don’t know the woman, of course -- but I think eight months of dating seems like a pretty short road to marriage. What’s the hurry? Honestly, I think you could use the idea of “too soon” as a way to lead your cousin in a more thoughtful direction about his life choices. Plus, it might open the door toward some more direct conversation about your feelings toward the bride.
That’s just my opinion. Maybe you agree, or maybe you think I’m crazy…so let’s hear what you have to say on the subject, gang! How soon is too soon? And more importantly, how should Kenny tackle this sensitive subject with his cousin?
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BJ'S BLOG 07/28/15 "Sex Before Vacation?"

It’s Group Therapy, where Rock-A-Holics help their own kind with a situation that’s too big for one person to tackle alone!
Christy is a Bothell native who now lives in L.A., and she’s stayed loyal to our little radio show. For that, we must show our immense appreciation! Christy has been dating a new guy for about three weeks. He’s a TV writer, which seems like unnecessary information, but it actually has some bearing on the situation, as you’ll learn shortly. Things are going so well, she’s moving slow…and hasn’t slept with him yet. It’s not that she doesn’t want to, but she likes him so much that she’s taking a different approach from her usual relationship M.O.
(I don’t understand a woman taking things slow sexually when she’s trying to keep her new guy, but let’s keep going....)
Here’s the thing: the boyfriend’s TV show is going on hiatus for the summer, so he is taking a month off to go on tour with a friend’s band. Christy is wondering if she should seal the deal before he leaves.
Let’s hear it from you, good people! I’d love to get some opinions on this conundrum, especially from the ladies…but as always, we’re open to thoughts from anyone!
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BJ'S BLOG 07/27/15 "Thinking, Part One: Starfish"

Today's blogs come from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:

This blog turned into almost 2,000 words, and I said to myself, “That’s not a blog, it’s a short story.” The last thing I wanted to do was whittle it down from the magnitude of verbiage it once was, so I decided to present it in three parts, one each week for three weeks and no part connected to any other part. If you miss a part or lose interest in a part, stop reading and feel free to sing “What’s Up” by 4 Non Blondes.

Many years ago at the end of the Vietnam War, a friend told me she hoped I would say our work is finished, and believe me I wanted to say that more than anyone. My entire adult life had revolved around that war. But instead I said there was still so much more to do. Look at hunger, homelessness, and nuclear proliferation, to name but three battles to wage. I think that annoyed her mostly because she knew I was right.

Perhaps you wish I would lighten up and talk about the good ol’ days of broadcasting when vinyl delivered the music, weighed 10 pounds, and was played on a thing called a turntable. Sometimes I do that and more. Just get me started on Ted Nugent and the Brave Arrow tune (you remember Brave Arrow, one of my spirit guides, who wrote “I’d like to stick my arrows in your nuggets, Nugent.”)

All life needs protecting, and we are indeed our brothers' and sisters' keepers. Since we two-legged animals have the resources to protect the rest of life, WE are the guardians, whether those lives live next door or across the ocean, in the mountains or under the sea.

This belief is not based on deep religious convictions but simply on what is right and wrong, what is good and what is not. There are so many things on our little planet that need to be changed, it can be overwhelming, and “What difference can I make?" is a fair question to ask. This reminds me of the story “The Star Thrower” by Loren Eiseley, which tells of a little man walking on the beach, picking up starfish and throwing them back into the ocean. An old man who was watching asked him why he was bothering. “You cannot possibly make a difference to them all,” he said. To that the little man replied, “You're right, I can't, but I am certainly making a difference to this one."

In the podcast, among other things, there are thoughts on Deflategate and new rules (or not) for NFL umpires, songwriter Wayne Carson, and the Beatles’ “Sexy Sadie,” an alternate title to one of their songs. Do you know the original title? Join me for the podcast on the shores of Rambling Harbor.
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BJ'S BLOG 07/24/15 "Funeral or Bachelor Party"

I’d like to thank everyone for joining us on this special occasion…wait, what are we doing? Oh, right! It’s a Group Therapy session!
(Sorry, I have trouble keeping my events organized sometimes.)
Apparently, I’m not the only one who can’t keep his events organized: a Rock-A-Holic named Jared is torn between two occasions, and he wants some advice. You see, Jared’s buddy is getting married soon, and the bachelor party is coming up very soon. Unfortunately, Jared’s girlfriend’s grandfather recently passed away, and his funeral has been scheduled for the same night as the party.
Unsurprisingly, the girlfriend has asked Jared if he would go with her to the funeral, knowing full well that he’d have to sacrifice the bachelor party. Jared says he didn’t know the man very well at all, and they had no relationship, so he’s feeling like he doesn’t have any real obligation to escort his girlfriend to the ceremony. He wants to know if going to the bachelor party would make him a bad boyfriend.
This is one of those Group Therapy situations that looks like a no-win scenario. I’m dying (whoops) to hear what the Rock-A-Holics have to say…and I’m especially looking forward to seeing how the answers are different between the sexes. Sound off, gang!
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BJ'S BLOG 07/22/15 "Coming Clean"

It’s time for another another round of Group Therapy, and we swear that’s the truth!
We heard from a Rock-A-Holic named Carissa, who dated a guy for a couple of years before he moved out of state. Some time passed, and the guy returned, reuniting the couple once again. Things have been going well, and it’s looking very much like they’ll return to an exclusive status. There’s just one little hitch, however: while they were apart, Carissa slept with his brother.
She says it was a one-time thing that she regrets, but she’s not sure if she should come clean about the lapse in judgment. The problem is compounded by the fact that the two brothers aren’t particularly close; in fact, they have historically been aggressively competitive with each other.
Oh, stupid humans; do we ever change? Talk about a race driven by simple needs, with little regard for the consequences. I’m going to go shake my head in the corner, but I’d love to hear your feedback on this one, Rock-A-Holics…
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BJ'S BLOG 07/21/15 "Ex To The Wedding"

Hello again, Rock-A-Holics! The summer weather has cooled down a little, but Group Therapy is just getting warmed up!
We heard from Renee, whose sister is getting married soon. Renee is worried about her date…because he happens to be the bride’s ex-boyfriend.
Here’s the scoop: the bride-to-be dated this guy for about six months, and things didn’t work out. Renee started dating him two years later, so it’s not as if the guy just jumped from one sister to the other overnight. Renee and the boyfriend have been together for a few months, and it’s going very well. Still, it’s understandably awkward.
Renee didn’t say whether or not she’s in the bridal party, so it’s hard to properly gauge the exact situation. We also don’t know if the sister is even aware of Renee’s relationship, although it seems like a safe assumption that she knows.
Let’s leave the question as simply as it was presented: should Renee leave her date behind for her sister’s wedding? We’d love to hear your thoughts, gang!
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