BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 0604/13 "Being a Parent"

Last week during Group Therapy, the advice I gave a Rock-A-Holic named Gary has caused a lot of backlash!

About a year ago, Gary wrote in asking for our opinion and completely ignored them. His ex-fiancé pretty much abandoned her teenage daughter and her father was not in the picture. He was wondering if he should take her in and help her out since she had no one else and he felt she could use some adult guidance.

He took her in around a year ago, against my advice, and she has turned her fail grades to A’s and B’s and is close to graduating at 18 years-old.

The problem is, she just informed Gary that she is 5 weeks pregnant with her 23 year-old boyfriend’s child. He is a high school dropout who works in construction and neither of them have driver’s licenses.

According to the couple, they want to keep the child and even though Gary thinks they are not ready for this financially or mentally he knows he has no say.

He feels however, if she thinks she’s old enough to be a parent then she is old enough to move in with the father of her unborn baby.

People got mad at me when I called Gary dumb for all this. First he asked for advice but decided to ignore the counsel of someone who genuinely was looking out for him, and now he wants to kick this troubled teen out, because something bad happened.

When he decided to take her in, he agreed to be her guardian which is like being a parent. Once you agree to this, it’s forever not for when it’s no longer easy.

This girl, from what Gary explained in the message, has had a difficult life with parents who are not even around so is it really surprising that she ended up in this situation?

He is pretty much her parent now and as any good parent would do, he has to support her for the rest of his life. That’s why parenting should be thoughtfully considered because it’s a lifelong commitment. 

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06/04/2013 9:29AM
BJ'S BLOG 0604/13 "Being a Parent"
Please Enter Your Comments Below
06/04/2013 3:17PM
You're full of C*R*A*P
Being a parent for life does not mean picking up after your children for life. At some point, they leave the nest and they fly on their own. Gary's option is perfectly reasonable and probably much in line with what the daughter wants to do anyway. If things don't work out, or if the babydaddy becomes abusive, or any other scenario you can think of, and she needs a home to come back to then I suspect Gary as a loving father figure will take her back in. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving her the opportunity to fly or fail on her own. And yes, I have four daughters of my own.
06/04/2013 6:04PM
I think once you decide to bring a child into the world or step up to be someone's parent its about stablility. Gary took in this girl because he was the most stable and responsible. Obviously since she thrived when she moved in with him. Now its no longer about her. Its about her baby. Where would be the most stable place for that child? Is the 23 year old father in a good job and have a good stable home? Its time to think about what's best for the baby.
06/05/2013 1:37PM
Wake Up BJ
Gary took in a minor. Gave her a place to safely stay while she finished high school. She will soon be the age of majority. She is making ADULT decisions (to get pregnant and further to HAVE and, I assume KEEP the baby)!!! If you ARE an ADULT and make ADULT decisions, YOU deal with the ramifications of those decisions. Gary is not bound to take care of this girl for the rest of HER LIFE!!!! Love and morally support her, YES!!! Financially support her and her kid????? OHHHHH HELLL NO! This, in part is what is wrong with our society, the entitlement minded youth. You want to have, stuff, kids ect. GO WORK FOR IT!!! Don't expect Mommy & Daddy or the Government to pay for it.
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