BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 07/16/14 "Snooping on my Boyfriend's Computer"

It’s time for another Group Therapy session, my friends!
Let’s start off with an old saying that still holds true: “Seek and ye shall find.”
That’s a lesson that Kate learned recently: she was snooping around on her boyfriend’s computer when – surprise, surprise – she found naked pictures and video of his ex-girlfriend! (Note: we strongly prefer to have some physical evidence in a case like this, but Kate didn’t pass any along with her email. It’s a shame, really.)
These pictures date back to the time of the relationship (a couple of years ago) so Kate isn’t worried that he’s still involved with this girl. Kate says she doesn’t mind him having regular pictures of the ex-girlfriend, but she’s not too happy about this particular path down Memory Lane. The boyfriend doesn’t know that she found the photos and video, and she’s afraid he’ll freak out about her snooping if she confronts him.
Let me share some advice with you, Kate: snooping is a breach of trust, too. Honesty is a two-way street! You’re not even sure if your boyfriend kept those pictures on purpose…but even if he did, you found them because you were looking for something. That tells me that you have a deeper issue going on in your head, and maybe you should uncover the truth about THAT.
What say you, Rock-A-Holics?

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07/16/2014 7:48AM
BJ'S BLOG 07/16/14 "Snooping on my Boyfriend's Computer"
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07/18/2014 4:36AM
what if You guys found a vid of your GF with other men?
I don't think you guys fully understand how hard it is to actually see our partners doing it with someone else. I found some old vids on my BF hard drive, a hard drive that use to lay around the house with loads of movies we use to watch together. ones i have been working from home and wanted to ply something in the background. so i was going through files , not to snoop, till i saw a file with a little x underneath. i clicked on it and ..i cant explain the pain that went through my spine. You ALL keep talking about how we don't understand that he has a past, but the past become present as it was right in front me in the present and if you wanted to watch that Past at any point then it is right there to enjoy. Yes, it was a very hard few days to begin with for us, at first it was very difficult for me to even be in the same room with him. i was not angry with him, in fact i was happy he had a good time in the past, good for him. but, when the relationship getting deeper with time, you feel stronger about your partner, the love grows as well as intimate times. you and your partner feel you belong to each other now and the "i" and him/she" become us, and with so much joy and excitement! It become harder for us to even imagine our partners with someone ells, we want to become everything for them and they become everything for us, there comes a point where we push aside our pasts and begin again with out wanting to "think" our partners ever touched someone ells, ever kissed them passionately , the intimacy is ours to claim and their bodies is our territory to love and make it feel good. I felt like this part was reaped right of me, everything that was sexy, fun, light and playful become heavy,painful and repulsive. i felt like my mind and heart was violated.i fought the insecurities, i fought to love him again i fought to place my mind back in denial. It was extremely difficult. it was unfair and so painful. He - was amazing about it, he softly explain over and over how much i mean to him, how much me is what he wants ...beautiful words fell out of his mouths for days and i would listen hard and remember that i love him so so much other wise this would not be as painful to me. slowly the gaps of which i got a flash backs grow longer, the tightening in my chest has loosened. fears and worries such as : can i ever be able to do this particular act with him and not "see" his body parts which i love so much stuck in someone ellses body? will it be fun and easy like it use to be? I want us to come to a point where we can laugh about it, it will make us stronger as we know that there is no secretes and truly love each other for who they are and remember not to be selfish. He was so scared and sad i refused to break his beautiful heart, i didn't want to lose what we found. I feel so grateful for him sticking by me , not giving up, supporting and waiting - being patience and super loving with me, he loves me so much i would not want to ruin it with childish behavior and i could never be awful to him. it is very strange to love someone soooo much yet find him repulsive sexually and so suddenly. its amazing how things can change with in a moment. I was very confused at first, i did not know weather or not i have a good reason to feel this pain or am i being ridicules. non the less the grip over my chest was there for days. He was there with me, acknowledging my pain and my fears, holding me looking in my eyes and whispering his love to me, after a few nights while laying in bed holding hands, afraid to touch each other, we were laying face to face and we kissed. it was the most amazing kiss i had with him after our first one off course. This morning i got up and felt a bit better and more optimistic, somehow proud that for him "i am the one" and i feel he is happy to prove it to me with all his sadness having to put up with my tears and to think he disgust me, we slowly climbing back up and i only hope our sex life will recover soon.. i miss it.
07/21/2014 8:42AM
RE: what if You guys found a vid of your GF with other men?
I agree that watching something like that is painful; hell, seeing a picture of your bf hugging an ex on Facebook sucks too. The thing is, if I was in your situation, I'd think about why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. Yes, he has been with other people and yes he felt pleasure of the physical and emotional kind, but he's not with them anymore for a reason, he's with me. If I felt that badly about seeing something like this, I'd consider either going to my therapist to talk and explore those feelings and/or leave because I would realize I don't trust him. The thing about relationships, in my eyes, is that I want to be a great partner and give them what I can, but if something is causing me that much hurt, maybe I need to step away and work on myself before I can give anything to another person. Just my thoughts, hope all works out hun! - VB
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