BJ Shea
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BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 07/23/13 "Sex Spreadsheet"

As you probably know, Reddit is a very popular “fun” site to visit on the internet…but it can definitely backfire on you.
Recently, a woman posted something that her 26-year-old husband sent to her before he left town on a business trip. It was a spreadsheet of all the times she has turned him down for sex, and the reasons she gave for the rejections.
This chart didn’t exactly paint a picture of productive intimacy. From June 3rd to July 16th, they had sex just 3 times…but she turned him down 25 times. Yes, you read that correctly: 25 (twenty-five) times.
The wife offered up every stereotypical excuse, including these classics:
She has to wake up early
Watching a show (it was a rerun of “Friends”)
Just got home from gym, and feeling gross
Too drunk, and ate too much
She posted this spreadsheet on Reddit, for reasons that escape me. It seems she was trying to make her husband the bad guy, but this document went viral, and the whole thing sort of backfired on her.
Look, nobody should be forced to have sex if they don’t want to. That’s not even open for debate. However, I do have to wonder about a situation like this. When you’re in a committed relationship, monogamy is expected; on the other hand, we never talk about the expectation of sex within the marriage itself.
Prenuptial agreements aren’t very romantic, but how many relationships are damaged when the sex life falls into a rut, or vanishes almost completely? How can a couple reach an understanding about the needs and desires they’re bringing into a marriage?
Let’s hear it from you, good people. Bonus Honesty Points if you’d like to share your own spreadsheet numbers for the last month or two…

07/23/2014 7:29AM
BJ'S BLOG 07/23/13 "Sex Spreadsheet"
Please Enter Your Comments Below
07/23/2014 11:09AM
sex within marriage
Hey BJ, so like in all things, I believe that setting the appropriate and honest expectations in the beginning of a relationship is important and maintaining open communication, not just about sex, but about all things is integral for the success of any relationship. So, when my wife and I were in the "Getting serious" stage of our early relationship, I was very clear that sex was very important to me in maintaining intimacy and I told her flatly that our relationship would fail should our sex life become stagnant, stale, or nonexistent. She agreed that it is important and I am happy to report that after 10 years of marriage, and 12 years of monogamy we are still banging away like teenagers after school to the tune of 20-25 times a month. cant keep our hands off each other, and we are in our early 40's. our intimacy fuels our love for each other, keeps us close, and helps us weather the storms of life as a single unit.
07/23/2014 11:54AM
too soon
Sounds to me like she got the ring on her finger and she doesn't think she has to do anything more after that. It also sounds like she doesn't want to be married, she's obviously not working on it. Each person has to give 100% to makea relationship work, intimacy is a huge part of a working relationship unless otherwise discussed before the marriage. Poor guy.
07/23/2014 11:59AM
The human intelligence
Please forgive me my writing skills are not the best but i do try. So marriage, okay not because my dad God rest his soul once told me that he would kill me if i ever get married but in one more instance told me to one day marry my best friend which still is my best friend and i have yet to marry. Nevertheless if you don't marry your best friend than you didn't even really get married in the first place. Not to mention in my opinion your marrying them is a statement to others that hay this is my significant other or to say in another way husband or wife. Marriage is not a must do this thing in your life event, it is a personal decision with your best friend or your just fooling yourselves. You can live a happy life without getting married, i have thought for the longest time that people are doing this because they think it's necessary. The thought of i half to need this only makes chaos.
07/23/2014 9:51PM
It's a 2 way street
Maybe he's doing it wrong: not considering her needs could easily make it feel like a chore to her. True, maybe she hasn't communicated to him clearly what turns her crank, but maybe he's just selfish in bed. Maybe she needs a different level of intimacy/courtship in order to desire sex more. He's whining about quantity, but maybe quality is the real issue.
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