Yesterday during Group Therapy, we received an email that really made me angry.
A Rock-A-Holic who went by the name “Vanessa” to protect her identity, is doing something behind her husband’s back.
She and her husband are both 32-years-old and have been married for seven years and have talked about having kids. Her husband says that he is not ready for kids yet and would like to wait a few more years but Vanessa says she’s ready now and has secretly stopped taking her birth control pills.
In her email, she said that she knows it’s the wrong thing to do but fears her husband might not ever want to have kids or that she will be too old when he finally is ready. She also goes on to say that he would be happy if she were to get pregnant now.
This is going to sound harsh but this heinous and grounds for divorce. Men are generally looked on as the gender that does all the betraying but I believe this is a horrible betrayal on her part!
I understand that she feels like it’s a good time to have a baby, she’s been married for a while now and doesn’t want to be too old when she gets pregnant, but this is a life changing decision! This is something that needs to be agreed upon by both of them.
This shows a major problem in today’s society; people would rather cheat and go the easy route than make the hard choices!
It’s probably not easy for Vanessa to hear, but if she talks to her husband and he’s still opposed to it, she can wait until he’s ready or leave. That is her right, and it’s his right to not start a family if he’s not ready.
My sister had tried to convince me to do the same when I was in a similar situation with my now fiance (we have been together for 7-1/2 years now). I remember hearing her say it and thinking, wtf? who would do that to someone? I was on birth control because I didn't want to have a child on accident, I wanted to be able to plan it with someone who really wanted to create a family. I was not willing to forcibly make my fiance a parent to a child that he did not want. It was a hard decision to make, but I let him know that if he did not want any more children (he had 1 who was already an adult from a previous marriage), that I wasn't going to sacrifice my desire to have at least one. We came to terms about it and we now have a 3 year old son together. I cannot imagine what would have happened if I just stopped taking my birth control behind his back! What Vanessa is doing is horribly selfish and not at all fair to her husband or her baby (if her plan works). If her husband really is serious about waiting, he will likely resent her and the child.
Betrayal at its highest
This should make any one of the male gender pissed off! Her"I really know what's right for us and what will make him happy" attitude is completely whacked! He really should get out while he can......I just want to give this woman a fullon head slap!
This is something they probably should have discussed before they got married. It sounds like he's not against it but maybe they're not financially ready either. She really needs to sit down and discuss this with him and you're right, if he really doesn't want kids and she does, then she should leave and find someone that does.