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BJ'S BLOG 07/25/14 "My BFF Had An Affair With My Brother"
by BJ Shea,posted Jul 25 2014 7:22AM
Happy Friday, gang! Before you head out for the weekend, we could sure use some help over here in Group Therapy!
A Rock-A-Holic named Nicole is looking for some advice. It seems that her best friend and her brother had an affair, and even worse – Nicole’s sister-in-law caught them! Nicole’s brother and his wife eventually reconciled, but that recovery came with the condition that Nicole’s BFF had to be cut out of everyone’s life altogether.
This isn’t just a casual stipulation: Anyone who is still in contact with Nicole’s friend is regarded as no longer being a friend of the couple, and is not allowed in their home. This includes Nicole, of course, and even though she doesn’t condone the affair, she’s feeling pretty upset about the whole situation.
Nicole can’t call or email her old friend; if she does, she will be cut off completely from her brother and his family – that includes their kids, too – and the sister-in-law is actually angry that Nicole still misses her friend.
I can understand the brother’s wife insisting that her husband avoid the woman he had an affair with, but declaring it a law for everyone else seems pretty harsh. Did the couple go to counseling? Sounds like a “no” to me, because I can’t imagine a professional counselor would ever dispense this kind of advice, or even go along with it.
Infidelity is a huge thing, and I don’t think you can sort out the damage without therapy of some kind. There’s a lack of perspective between the two parties in that situation, and you can’t fully unpack that mess without a thoughtful, impartial third party.
Maybe it’s just me, but I think it sounds like the situation is out of control. Let’s hear it from you, folks! What advice do you have for Nicole?