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Welcome back to Group Therapy, gang! I’m glad we get to spend time together on a regular basis; especially when we hear things like this…
Today’s case comes from Gary, who’s been in a long-distance relationship with a woman for a couple of months. They’re not exclusive, but things definitely seem to be heading that way. That being said, Gary is troubled by something that happened during a recent visit: right before the couple was about to have sex for the first time, the girlfriend told Gary to get a condom from a box in her medicine cabinet. When he did, Gary found that the box was already open, and several condoms were already absent.
As you might expect, Gary is a bit unsettled by this development, and he wants to know if he should ask her about her sex life, specifically as it pertains to the time that they spend apart from each other.
Here’s my thing about long-distance relationships: I guess I don’t think they’re a completely bad thing on principle, but I do wonder how people can engage in a situation like that and still feel entitled to an expectation of monogamy. It just doesn’t seem logical – or actually, even likely – when two people have some semblance of a commitment to each other, but only see each other sporadically at best.
(Of course, I also wonder about sending your partner to get a condom out of your bulk supply, especially when the ABSENCE of a bulk supply might raise some issues, or at least questions.)
I’m a married guy in a world of modern singles. What are your thoughts, Rock-A-Holics?
The terms need to be clear on this relationship. If they aren't exclusive, then he needs to expect her to have other "non-exclusive" relationships. If he wants them to be exclusive, then he needs to talk to her about it. If she isn't on board with that, then he should move on. I am married now, but just after high school, I kept an exclusive relationship going with my girlfriend who went to Finland for a year. Add in the fact that I was at boot camp, and communication was difficult, but we managed.
My point is, that both parties have to agree on this. and if one side isn't ready for and exclusive relationship, then it won't work.
be a man
dude not exclusive but headed in that direction.. wtf does that mean. sounds like Dude is insecure..all I know is when I mess around with chicks that " are headed in an exclusive direction " who cares if the box is opened an empty..just as longas she using them.
What "Set the Terms" Said
RE: Set the terms
I agree! He can't have it be "not exclusive" and expect her to be exclusive. He needs to talk about what he wants, if she doesn't want to accept those terms, that's fine, they just move on. - VB