BJ Shea

 BJ Shea


BJ'S BLOG 08/05/14 "Asking a Bridesmaid to Shave"

 Hello again, folks! Fair warning: today’s Group Therapy might get a little hairy.
 
There are wedding bells ringing for a Rock-A-Holic named Rebecca, but not everything is blissful. Rebecca has a bridesmaid with hairy armpits and legs, and she’s not quite sure how to ask her to shave before the big day.
 
This says a lot about certain types of women, if you ask me (and Rebecca actually did ask, so pardon me while I finish my thought).  We’re supposed to be an accepting society, and some women don’t equate the removal of body hair with the idea of beauty. On the other hand, other kinds of women can be extremely judgmental in that regard.
 
We’re two weeks away from the wedding, and the bridesmaid dresses are revealing in ways that make the hair issue a big concern for Rebecca. She also claims that her husband-to-be has a problem with the bridesmaid’s grooming habits, too.
 
As always, we’re anxious to hear from you. I’d really love to get some feedback from the ladies, especially those of you with strong feelings on either side of the argument. Does Rebecca have the right to ask this friend to smooth out her appearance?
 




 
08/05/2014 6:38AM
BJ'S BLOG 08/05/14 "Asking a Bridesmaid to Shave"
Please Enter Your Comments Below
08/05/2014 11:44AM
What a friend.
This is a bit ridiculous. Asking people to conform to norm stereotypes is not something friends do to each other.
08/05/2014 2:31PM
It's their wedding
The bride and groom get what they want. It's their day. If she wants to be in the wedding she will chop that 'S' back!
08/05/2014 3:17PM
This issue is the pitts..
Gotta ask yourselves, are you friends with them for their appearance, or for their personality. It's understandable to want your pictures to be perfect and what not, but what should matter is that you've got friends and family there to celebrate your big day. If a small body hair issue is enough to make you want to exclude them from it, or limit their involvement, then what does that say about how important they are to you? I wouldn't want to shave my beard for someone's wedding, so a woman shouldn't have to shave her pits if she doesn't want to.
08/07/2014 1:50PM
true friends
You knew of her grooming habits before you asked her to be a part of your special day. She should have been like a typical woman and sais I would love to have you in my wedding but my soon to be husband has issues with harry woman. Or she could have blamed it on her dad who has the issue and is paying for the wedding. either way she knew before she asked her to be in it and now she is stuck. The only way to save face is to pay for all the brides made to go to a spa and have it included in the package. If the friend does not pick up on the hint they you are stuck with it.
08/08/2014 10:02AM
Yeah, its their wedding
So tell the Bridesmaid to shave or step aside. 20 years from now when you are looking @ your Wedding pictures, those hairy pits are just going to ruin it for you. If she balks, tough toenails!!
08/11/2014 7:32AM
RE: It's their wedding
My grandpa recently wore a suit for my cousin's wedding, a cowboy hat and boots for my cousin's cowboy themed birthday, and when my mom asked if I were to have a rocker themed wedding, would he rock a blue mohawk, he said, "It's theirday, I'll do what they ask of me to make that day special." This doesn't seem like a crazy request. That armpit hair will grow out again. That's just what I think. - VB
08/03/2015 10:22PM
No...
It's only your wedding day, for God's sake. You cannot ask, dictate or even worse - hint at what you want done on your wedding day. They're taking time of their lives to attend your event and will undoubtedly get you something from your registry to boot, paid for their own dress and probably chipped in for your bridal shower, hen's night, etc... so you can absolutely live with the whole no shaving thing, especially if they're your friend and you knew this was their habits to begin with.
08/03/2015 10:56PM
A different perspective
The expectation is that the non-conformist bridesmaid is OK with not shaving as well as conforming to societal norms (i.e shaving); with the additional assumption that years from now she won't be humiliated at having hairless underarms in these photos, while the bride who conforms to typical female standards of grooming is not expected to tolerate anything other than the norm. The fact that it is your wedding day is irrelevant. For starters, you have a 50% chance of getting divorced so your entire wedding party is spending money on a 50% chance you'll get divorced. Now, if the non-conformist bridesmaid does agree to shave then the bride owes her this much: when the non-conformist bridesmaid gets married herself, the conformist bride had better be the first person to put down her razor for her friend's big day. The problem is that when something is the societal norm, it's expected. When it's not the societal norm, no one feels the need to reciprocate the huge favour this non-conformist gave to you. Instead we're further insulted with comments like, "See? When you shave, you are beautiful too!", "You should wear a dress more often, you actually look good when you do.", or my personal favourite: "You're not really transgender; you just need some feminine pampering! Let's go to the spa!" or the like. It basically invalidates our lifestyles and/or choices. So before you go asking them to change themselves for your wedding day - one day out of your life - ask yourself how you make them feel and ask yourself "would I adhere to their grooming standards for their wedding day?" If you'll truly reciprocate, then may it's not such a bad deal.
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