BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 08/06/12 "It's Still Cheating"

Last week we received an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Trevor.

Trevor has been with his girlfriend for three years and he just found out that she is messing around with her female friend. This is the third time something like this has happened.

He doesn’t want to lose his girlfriend or her family he has become very close to so he isn’t sure if he should dump her or try to make it work through couple’s therapy.

What has happened to us guys that the thought of losing your girlfriend’s family is a reason to try to make it work?

To all the ladies who are in miserable relationships with no passion or spark, you can thank the neo-feminist movement. They have turned men into sensitive, new age guys.

When I was younger, I never heard anyone in group of friends ever say anything near to what Trevor has mentioned.

It’s not that we hate our in-laws, it’s just that a wife/girlfriends and kids are the only reasons to try to keep a relationship together.  

Also, if she is getting sexually satisfied by another person, that is cheating! There is nothing wrong to going out and being with whomever you want to be with regardless of gender if you’re single.

Trevor mentioned he was thinking about doing couples therapy with his girlfriend but he needs to get his own therapist first so he can go into couple’s therapy with his stuff already figured out. 

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Topics : Human Interest

08/06/2012 9:49AM
BJ'S BLOG 08/06/12 "It's Still Cheating"
Please Enter Your Comments Below
08/06/2012 11:21AM
not only is i stil cheating but the third time? no way is this guy happy with her, in fact it probably making him miserable and nothings going to change, you can't change people unfortunatly
08/06/2012 11:27AM
make it fun
well, if that is what she is into, they should find out if it's 100% her thing or if she's good either way. I am sure it can be hard to share that with someone your with: that your into the same sex. I think all three of them should get together, and see if they all click. it could be Trevor's dreams come true! who knows?
08/06/2012 11:49AM
maybe a three way??
I have been with many bi-sexual women, and I have honestly encouraged them to find other women. I will admit that it was in the hope that they would bring them home and share, or at least let me watch. I personally don't think it is cheating unless she were to go an find another man to be with. With that in mind, though, I also think that she should have been up front about her sexuality with Trevor in the first place. It would have given him a chance to have a say in it. All in all though, I think he should ask to meet this woman she is sleeping with and seek the possibility of a menage-a-trois. If he truly feels that this is cheating(and a lot of people would), then he should just tell her so and let her know what he expects. If she can't respect that, then they should definitely break it off.
08/06/2012 1:04PM
cheating or not?
This is just my humble opinion, but I believe it is up to Trevor to define whether or not it is cheating. The reason being, if he is okay with her getting together with other women, than he is okay with it, plain as that, if he isn't, then it's cheating. The same would be true if she were seeing other men, some couples have an "open relationship" and as long as the "other person" is purely physical/sexual and not emotional attachment, then some people are okay with that. I read Ron Jeremy's autobiography "The hardest (working) man in Hollywood", it was quiet entertaining (btw), but in it he says that he can have a comitted relationship with a woman as long as she is okay with sleeping around (the both of them), but the one thing that he doesn't do with someone he is not committed to is stay in bed afterwards and cuddle, that goes outside the bounds of what is okay for him when he is in a relationship with someone. Basically, it all boils down to, what is okay by Trevor's standards of a committed relationship.
08/09/2012 1:41PM
It's cheating regardless of the other person's gender
This is obviously cheating. Trevor has "caught" her after several instances now, and the behavior still has not stopped. He is obviously not okay with it though, as he is now looking for therapy. Trevor, if you read this, you must be spineless, misguided, and naive to think it will not happen again. She has an identity crisis, plain and simple, and you need to man up a bit and get a backbone and demand that you are respected. If you do not have the self-worth to demand that, you will always be a second tier lap dog for this girl. So what, she didn't turn out to be who you thought she was. That is not going to change, but the question is, why should you have to change. You didn't mess it up. She probably doesn't want the world to know that she likes girls and that is why she is sneaking around but pretending to be in a committed relationship. Honestly, I would move on (Yes, easier said than done). But, in the long run, you might have a chance at actually finding someone that loves you back the way you love them. She is not doing this, you know it which is why you have sent this message in here, and you are looking for people to tell you whether or not you have a completely unrealistic approach to "saving" your relationship. I can tell you from experience, no matter how much of your time, energy, and love you pour into this relationship, if she ultimately has desires to be with a woman, she will either be perpetually unhappy or she will just be cheating on you sometime in the future to satisfy her urges. Get a grip on yourself, remember who you used to be as a man, and move on... You'd thank me in a few years if you listened to my advice.
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