BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 08/06/13 "Sexting"

Last week, a Rock-A-Holic named Blair texted us at 77999 with a question regarding the Anthony Weiner situation.

She didn’t see what the big deal was and wanted to knowwhy people were bashing his wife for staying with him after it was revealed that he was sexting other women.

Blair explained that she lets her husband sext women he meets online because she knows it won’t go any further since she is aware of what’s going on. She said that she didn’t think it was that big of a deal but wanted to know if we thought the whole situation was crazy.

First off, I don’t know what type of things she lets her husband do but I know that everyone has a line. Anthony’s level of sexting was very graphic; it wasn’t “harmless flirting.”

If Blair really doesn’t have an issue with this and they have a good relationship, it shouldn’t matter what others think. The fact that she wrote into us asking if we thought what she was doing was “crazy,” tells me she might not be as okay with this as she thinks.

There have been cases where some women do extreme things to keep their men. They may even compromise their own values and ethics to keep their relationship going, which is something you should never do. What’s the point of trying to stay in a relationship with someone if you just have to betray your own belief system?  

08/06/2013 8:23AM
BJ'S BLOG 08/06/13 "Sexting"
Please Enter Your Comments Below
08/06/2013 11:19AM
I understand it's 2013 and there are more open relationships but you're right if she didn't have a problem she wouldn't have written in. Anything you do outside of your relationship to gratify your sexual desire or to make you feel better is a form of cheating. Obviously he's not getting what he wants from his current marriage or relationship with this woman so he's seeking it elsewhere. Blair should understand that sexting is texting, pictures, videos, even voice recordings that he's doing to get his rocks off with other women and in the long run this will probably lead to discrete encounters. This should be a game with the woman he's with, sext her not other women. Also these other women might be cheating on their husbands or wives for that matter to sext with him. The long and the short of it. If you can't get what you need from your current relationship then why are you in it. I'm a strong believer that if you're with someone then that's it, i'ts 100% with each person to give to that relationship. Sounds like Blair is giving all she's got but it also sounds like he's giving what he wants or it's just not enough for him or he's a sex addict and eventually he will stray.
08/06/2013 11:19AM
When I was younger I found my boyfriend talking sleezy to other girls on the internet. He got to be whoever he wanted to be and lie about everything but I nipped that bud real quick. To me, it's like boundary testing.. If he can get away with that, what else will I let him get away with? If he lies to random girls every day his brain will condition over the fact that it is then ok to lie to me. If he is that unhappy with our relationship that he has to have a thrill of making up an imaginary life with (what are most likely other men pretending to be women on the internet, anyway) Then, there are other issues we need to work on aside from him wanting to talk dirty to some rando'. But that's just how I see it.
08/06/2013 11:27AM
Like Bj always likes to bring up, our drive for certain things has a lot more to do with our biology than with the "human emotion". Sexting is a way to intice one of our more primitive desires in life, these being the things that will keep us alive, such as hunger, thurst and procreation (most cases the strongest). These desires are so strong that without keen discipline one will most likely cave into fulfilling these needs. Best example is, imagine in front of you is a thick ribeye steak that has been perfectly marbelized, encrusted with an infused butter of your favorite spices and cooked to perfection. You can visualize this, you by now might actually be wanting a steak. The problem with these primitive desires is that they are one of the most easily accessible things in life. So by engaging in the act of inticing these desires (best advertisements markets can sucker us in) you are falling victim in what nature says to do. Worst yet, the act of sex takes two people, so when the sexting has been reciptrocated, the "bomb" has been set. It will take alot of willpower to overcome and in most cases people will fall for their vices...because underlining everything, that's what nature wants, the path of less resistance. So don't use your primitive mind and relieze the grass isn't green on the other side of the fence, it's where you water it. Oh and I can speak from experience. I was an unknowing victim of spousal sexting that went wrong (worst yet it was a friend taking advantage of my spousal's poor mental state at the time) and now I have been going through therapy (almost a year now) to not fix our marriage (which is going well now) but my self image and trauma (my marriage and family (two kids) mean the world to me). If you aren't thinking about your spouse/family and how your actions will affect them, you aren't ready for marriage/family. Doesn't mean you are a bad person, just means you aren't ready yet. And as always, best way no to get killed by a Tiger. Do not go where Tigers are.
08/06/2013 11:44AM
So what you're saying is that your Husband/wife cheated on you and that person is not ready for marriage or a family so you gave him a second chance while you go through therapy and he's/she's not a bad person? So basically every singlething you just wrote here only applies to other people and not yourself.
08/06/2013 2:23PM
nobody ever died from not having sex... with anyone, including themselves... and don't quote "human emotion" like it's some made up thing as emotion is just as much part of our biology as everything else, unless you're Mr. Spock
08/08/2013 8:56AM
Watch for out of routine
My wife had done the sexting with pictures, voice, and video. It had lead to her cheating on for a while. I had found out by doing a backup of your cell phones, I had checked the backups to make sure they could be opened and found notes that they had saved of their chats. The man was even from a different state and as far as flying in to do the deed. I must admit I did work all lot at a new job and was trying to work my way up the ladder but I did apologize every day about working so much and it will pay off at the end. I did everything for the kids and her.
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