BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 08/07/12 "Sleeping in the Same Bed"

Today the show was because we are on vacation so in the mean time, here is one of my favorite blogs. 

During during Group Therapy a while back, we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named John who was having a problem with his sleeping situation.

John hadn’t been able to sleep or have sex with his wife because his 4-year-old daughter would sleep in the bed with them.

His wife didn't agree that this was a problem; when their daughter would fall asleep, his wife would say that she didn't want to disturb her while she’s sleeping.

I don’t understand the whole idea of a “community bed” where the whole family sleeps together. Children need to learn independence and that will not happen if they are coddled.

A Rock-A-Holic called who said that she was a single mother and had her son sleep in her bed until he was two and she was honest in saying that the reason was because she wanted to feel close to her child.

I have no problem with having a baby’s crib in your room but there should be that line drawn. You have to stop thinking about what you want and think about what is best for your child, and that is to let them be independent. 

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08/07/2012 5:17PM
BJ'S BLOG 08/07/12 "Sleeping in the Same Bed"
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08/07/2012 6:23PM
wife doesnt want to sleep with husband then
If John's wife doesn't see the problem with the lack of intimacy caused by having their daughter in the bed then she either is purposefully avoiding sex with her husband, or she has lost her drive and doesn't realize it. either way, it's a huge problem and untreated, will drive John into the arms of another, and or destroy their marriage. given those possibilities, I would say it's worth disturbing their daughter by putting her into her own bed.
08/07/2012 6:44PM
"You have to stop thinking about what you want and think about what is best for your child, and that is to let them be independent." Not to mention what is best for the marriage--and having a happy, healthy marriage is also good for your kids.
08/07/2012 6:50PM
Hey BJ, my son has been sharing our bed and he just turned 1 on July 11. He is moving around a lot more while we still are sleeping and has actually crawled off the bed twice. So needless to say we now are moving the crib into the room so he will have his own place to sleep and it will also give the freedoms a husband and wife need in the bedroom. I accept the fact that parents want to have that close connection with their child cause I am one of them but independents is crucial and needs to be permitted. Good luck o John and his wife
08/07/2012 7:06PM
What's best for the child
I coslept with my son regularly til he was 5. You're saying the child needs to be independent, and this is true. They don't need to be SHOVED in to it, however. They seek it out naturally as they grow up. It's funny how people push and push their children away from the day they are born cause they need to be "independent" then take every action possible to get that same teenager under their thumb and fight to take that independence away. My son is 9 now, sleeps in his own bed. Is more and more independent on his own every day. Shock and awe, right? Who knew my kid wouldn't be crippled in to dependency cause I slept with him? *eye roll* The problem these two have, is she isn't attracted to her husband. If she was, she'd make the time. She'd pounce him in the kitchen, pounce him in a drive through. My son's father and I did not suffer any lack of "play". It just wasn't in bed. Ooh kinky! Anyway, I'm pleased with the confidence and closeness I share with my child. I'm also very pleased with the fact he isn't clingy or needy. All that just to say, she isn't crippling her child emotionally by sleeping with her. She just, clearly, isn't all that in to her partner anymore.
08/07/2012 8:33PM
I agree BJ
as a parent myself, I completely agree. My kids did sleep with us for about the first 6 months of their lives. Mainly because she breast fed, and it was easier for her to just roll over and feed, rather than having to crawl out of bed and do it. But after our kids started sleeping longer hours, they got put into the crib, and then eventually into their own rooms. As they got older and had bad dream, yes, we would let them fall back to sleep in our bed. But once they were out, they were carried back to their own bed. I feel bad for john and think he should really talk to his wife and find out the real reason that she wants the kids there. If she says something like it makes them happy, or she doesn't want to push them too hard into a seperate bed, then I think that she is full of it. As parents we need to be the bad guys sometimes, and it sounds like she either doesn't want to be, or she just doesn't want to be with John. Either way, it's a bad situation. Eric in AZ
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