BJ'S BLOG 10/01/13 "Friendship Shutdown"
This first day of October 2013 may not be the best example of people working together, America…but you can always believe in Group Therapy! Rock-A-Holics are still helping Rock-A-Holics! The dream is alive!
Heather and her ex-boyfriend broke up after three years together, and they’ve managed to stay friendly for the last two years. Everything was fine and dandy, until Heather’s ex started a new relationship. Not long after, he texted Heather and said they couldn’t be friends anymore, “for the sake of his relationship”.
That message was only the beginning. Heather was immediately cut off from any contact, dropped from all their shared social media, and left to wonder how this could have happened in the first place. She says they never crossed the “friend line” after their breakup, and her feelings toward her ex had evolved into a family bond. How could that possibly threaten a six-week relationship with a new girlfriend?
Once again, I’m trying to balance a positive/negative reaction to a woman reaching out for advice. We love to hear from the Rock-A-Holic ladies, because it gives us a chance to offer some insight from the male perspective; unfortunately, that insight sometimes takes on the flavor of bad medicine. This is one of those times.
Heather wonders if she might be able to turn this around by reaching out to the new girlfriend. It’s a noble idea, but I just don’t think it’s realistic at all. Heather’s feelings toward her ex may be strictly platonic – even brotherly – but there’s a big difference between Heather’s understanding, and the new girlfriend’s perception.
Step back, Heather. This isn’t just about protecting your ex, it’s about protecting yourself. If the friendship truly means something to him, you can only hope that he decides to find a way to make it work within the boundaries of his new relationship. Trying to force the issue could destroy everything you value about this bond, and that’s a double-heartache waiting to happen.