BJ'S BLOG 10/17/13 "My Girlfriend's Ex"
Rock-A-Holics helping Rock-A-Holics! That’s what it’s all about in Group Therapy!
Paul and his girlfriend have been together for almost half a year, but her parents obviously prefer the previous boyfriend! How does he know? Well, they invite the ex-boyfriend to various events, and even tag him in Facebook posts on the daughter’s page.
Meanwhile, Paul has to play along with all of these shenanigans. His girlfriend was in a long relationship with the now-ex, but it’s been over for quite some time. Why can’t her parents let the old guy go, and give Paul a chance instead? Paul and his girlfriend are in their 20s, so it’s not like they’re kids.
I have kids of my own, and I make it a point to keep myself out of their personal lives as much as possible. Don’t misunderstand: I meet their friends, and their more-than-friends, but I don’t go out of my way to create long-lasting, intimate bonds with those people. If a boyfriend or girlfriend becomes more of a constant presence, then we’ll develop a closer relationship over time. That’s a natural process, at least in my mind.
I do occasionally have a pow-wow with recurring potential boyfriends for my daughter. If they seem like they’re sticking around, we’ll have a nice lunch out, complete with friendly insight from Dear Old Dad. I’m not the threatening-father type; I just like to meet them, find out what they’re about, and vice versa. No long-term contracts, no shotguns, just a nice little chat.
We heard a wide variety of feedback during Group Therapy, but there seems to be a bottom line consensus on this point:
This cord needs to be cut. Either the girlfriend puts a stop to it, or Paul stands up for himself to the parents, but something’s got to give. The parents need to know that they’re disrespecting the man their daughter has chosen to be with. I would certainly hope that they have enough love for their little girl to make that change.