BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 10/25/13 "No Kids, No Relationship"

It’s time for Group Therapy - Rock-A-Holics helping Rock-A-Holics!
Max’s girlfriend of 5 years recently learned that she will never have biological children. This was terrible news for both of them, but the girlfriend has been doing her best to recover from the disappointment. She has suggested that they could adopt a child, but Max isn’t so sure. He’s done the research, and he wasn’t encouraged by what he learned. Adoption is a potentially stressful process, and Max is not willing to take responsibility for a child if he and his girlfriend aren’t absolutely sure that they want to. Ultimately, the infertility problem may be a deal-breaker for him.
Life is short, uncertain, and full of detours. Personally, I wish more people would have the good sense, and courage, to be truthful about what they want out of life. We live in a society of reckless irresponsibility, and being honest and responsible is the only way we can ever hope to keep some shred of integrity as a people. People will judge Max harshly, but I think he should be applauded as a good example of an honest man.
The truth hurts…but it will set you free. 

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10/25/2013 8:44AM
BJ'S BLOG 10/25/13 "No Kids, No Relationship"
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10/25/2013 10:44AM
Love is not about making babies
10/25/2013 10:57AM
No Kids, No Relationship
Let me preface this topic by saying, I am 30, single, and have no kids. However, if I were in a relationship and if I found out that my girlfriend couldn't have children, I would be very open to the idea of adoption. It would be dumb to end the relationship because of her not being able go conceive children when there are other options.
10/25/2013 10:57AM
I agree
I agree completely, I applaud the honesty. When it comes to children and family you have to be completely dedicated. We don't need more families based on dishonesty or unresolved issues.
10/25/2013 11:11AM
Same boat
I going through a similar issue. I am 23 and am having surgery at Swedish next week to correct a septate uterus. I am nowhere near ready to have kids but I think surgery now is the best option. However, my very caring, loving boyfriend, who completely supports my actions, does NOT want kids. Since I'm not in the business of having kids right now (and may not be able to later due to other problems), we're not throwing our relationship away based on what's happening today. If Max wants kids THAT bad and truly LOVES his girlfriend, it shouldn't matter that she can't have kids. Adopt. Or find another option. Having kids is a huge issue and I can understand it being a deal-breaker, but if you don't want to be with your girlfriend of 5 years just because she can't have kids naturally, you're living in a different time period. You would surely be appalled if she left you just because you couldn't get it up without a little blue pill or if you had a vasectomy or were naturally infertile. I think Max is being harsh by even thinking about ending the relationship.
10/25/2013 11:18AM
no matter how you slice it
adoption is never the same thing as having your own, no matter what people try to say.
10/26/2013 12:59AM
if you...
really want to be a parent, it won't matter where your kid is from. max is being completely selfish and looking for a way out of his relationship. personally, I think his girlfriend should kick him to the curb first.
10/28/2013 4:50PM
Date Before You Parent
Honestly, before the thought of kids comes around, you (the dater) should be so at peace with the relationship that YOU have with your significant other. Going on one successful date does mean that YOU or the significant other are ready to have a child. Please remember once you have a child, you will ultimately have to spend your life with the OTHER person (parent) because you two will both forever be the parents of that child. But before you caneven consider dating, you have to be alright within yourself. As cheesy as it sounds, dating self help books really ate a good read and have given me a lot of advice. These books and articles have helped me avoid some would be, horrible encounters with horrible people. People, give this ebook entitled The Art of A Player by T.Mills, a read at This self help book is very refreshing.
11/12/2013 8:01AM
RE: Same boat
You see, very mature for your age. I hope your surgery process goes well hun! -
12/08/2013 3:39AM
very good
I agree with the fact that you should be at peace and there are some pretty good books out there that will help with that. I have one as a suggestion which is The art of a player. you can find it at if you are interested.
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