BJ'S BLOG 10/30/13 "My Friend Wants My Ex! "
Group Therapy is in session, Gang! When you don’t have the time or money to seek professional help, you can always count on the unprofessional (but often very helpful) advice from your fellow Rock-A-Holics!
Today’s topic comes from Mary Ann, whose best friend recently expressed interest in dating Mary Ann’s ex-husband! The friend went so far as to ask if Mary Ann was okay with the idea. As you might expect, Mary Ann has a couple of major concerns about this, starting with the fact that her friend is fully aware of the problems that led to the divorce, four years ago. Mary Ann is happily remarried, so there’s no jealousy at work here; in fact, she doesn’t really believe that the relationship would have much of a future, anyway…but if it does work out, will she have to develop some kind of new middle-ground with her ex, for the sake of her friendship?
Mary Ann doesn’t feel like she can say anything in this situation. If she points out the negatives, her friend may take it the wrong way; if she encourages the idea, she’s willfully turning a blind eye to those same negatives. One bad decision could lead to a damaged friendship.
Personally, I don’t understand why Mary Ann’s friend can’t find a man of her own. It seems a bit lazy to me, and more than a little bit ignorant of the big picture. Like many of the questions we deal with, this one really comes down to personal comfort, and mutual respect. Unfortunately, it sounds like Mary Ann is going to have to sacrifice both of those if she wants to keep her friend.
It’s a risky prospect, but I think this is one case where honesty is definitely the best policy. Mary Ann’s friend asked for her opinion, so we can only hope that she’s willing to accept some honesty. The truth isn’t always comfortable or convenient, but it IS absolute. In a situation like this, a strong foundation can make all the difference.