BJ'S BLOG 12/05/12 "Kids Parenting Parents"
by BJ Shea
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posted Dec 5 2012 9:26AM
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Yesterday we read a Group Therapy email that came from Christine from Philadelphia.
Christine’s problem is that her mother is asking her not to speak to her grandmother anymore.
Her mother is Native American and her grandmother is white; years ago when her parents first got together, the grandma was a drinker and a racist. One day, both of them got into a physical altercation and her mom lost her first pregnancy…this was over 25 years ago.
Christine didn’t meet her grandmother until she was 10 and didn’t find out any of this until she was in her 20’s. She explains that her grandma has changed into a great person who is really religious and sweet, but her mom won’t let it die. Her mother says that it is a betrayal on her part just by having a relationship with her grandma and that she needs to choose what side she is on.
She loves her mother and considers her to be her hero but also wants to keep the newly found relationship with her grandma and doesn’t know what to do.
This isn’t a typical #BLD (Bitches Love Drama) situation; serious things occurred here. Someone lost a child during a physical interaction so this is a huge deal and both sides are traumatized by this. The mom is traumatized for losing her baby and the grandma is traumatized for being the reason this happened.
At the beginning of every Group Therapy I say that if you have a serious problem or dilemma to always try going to a counselor if possible and in this situation, all three women should be receiving some counseling.
It’s not easy for a child to have to choose between two family members especially since she doesn’t have the baggage with her grandma her mom has. This is where a good counselor can really help.
I think its ridiculous that the child has to be put in the middle of two adults like this.
I think if you’re a parent, and your kid is more of an adult than you are, you are a loser. It is not their responsibility to fix your issues; they are the ones that are supposed to be coming to you for advice and guidance.
It just seems like that we are seeing this more and more these days…kids having to parent their own parents!
Tags : Locations : Philadelphia
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