BJ Shea

 BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 12/05/12 "Kids Parenting Parents"

Yesterday we read a Group Therapy email that came from Christine from Philadelphia. 

Christine’s problem is that her mother is asking her not to speak to her grandmother anymore. 
Her mother is Native American and her grandmother is white; years ago when her parents first got together, the grandma was a drinker and a racist. One day, both of them got into a physical altercation and her mom lost her first pregnancy…this was over 25 years ago. 

Christine didn’t meet her grandmother until she was 10 and didn’t find out any of this until she was in her 20’s. She explains that her grandma has changed into a great person who is really religious and sweet, but her mom won’t let it die. Her mother says that it is a betrayal on her part just by having a relationship with her grandma and that she needs to choose what side she is on. 

She loves her mother and considers her to be her hero but also wants to keep the newly found relationship with her grandma and doesn’t know what to do.

This isn’t a typical #BLD (Bitches Love Drama) situation; serious things occurred here. Someone lost a child during a physical interaction so this is a huge deal and both sides are traumatized by this. The mom is traumatized for losing her baby and the grandma is traumatized for being the reason this happened. 

 At the beginning of every Group Therapy I say that if you have a serious problem or dilemma to always try going to a counselor if possible and in this situation, all three women should be receiving some counseling. 

It’s not easy for a child to have to choose between two family members especially since she doesn’t have the baggage with her grandma her mom has. This is where a good counselor can really help. 

I think its ridiculous that the child has to be put in the middle of two adults like this. 

I think if you’re a parent, and your kid is more of an adult than you are, you are a loser. It is not their responsibility to fix your issues; they are the ones that are supposed to be coming to you for advice and guidance. 

It just seems like that we are seeing this more and more these days…kids having to parent their own parents!  

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Locations : Philadelphia

12/05/2012 9:26AM
BJ'S BLOG 12/05/12 "Kids Parenting Parents"
Please Enter Your Comments Below
12/05/2012 12:01PM
Seeing the continued racism is S.A.D. the mother is not only teaching her child to BE racist she is continuing a long battle that I thought we were supposed to be fighting AGAINST....I am PROUD to be Native American and the racism is wasted energy. Find a hobby! ;} "Waste energy" in a POSITIVE manner...listen to KISW ALL DAY! HA!
12/05/2012 7:46PM
I totally agree with you, BJ. Parents set The Example for Their Children from the time their kids are born! As I was always told: "Respect & Manners Matter" no matter how young you are. This is SO Sad that Mother has put her Daughter in the middle of a Feud that really has nothing to do with the Innocent Daughter in the first place. People are VERY Capable of *Change*, so if the Grandmother is no longer the Racist Woman she once was & is trying so hard to Redeem herself by having a bond w/her Granddaughter, then it makes perfect sense for The Mother to get some Serious *Family Therapy* with the Grandmother (her Mom). Even IF she can't Forgive or Move-On, then at least she gave it a shot. This "Mother" needs to Grow-Up & Get Help.
02/12/2013 10:48PM
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02/12/2013 10:48PM
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