Rock-A-Holic Kendra has been dating and sleeping with a guy for two months. A few days ago he told her that he’s not sure if he sees a future with her.
The reason she emailed me is because she isn’t sure if she should keep sleeping with him in hopes that he may change his mind or just move on.
I believe Kendra has been failed by the women in her life whether it’s her aunts, mom, grandmas or what have you. I have the guts to say this: the women who are in authority today as in the women in their 40’s and above are doing horrible job mentoring younger women about relationships.
It’s 2012; can we take a look at biology and how it affects the way people feel instead of depending on “romance” and “love.”
Young women today are confused because they are told how they should behave and how relationships should work but their biology is telling them something different.
We need to stop romanticizing marriage because news flash, it’s not romantic and the longer a marriage goes, the less “romantic” it is.
My advice for Kendra and women who are in her situation is that it’s only been two months; it takes men much longer to develop feelings of love towards someone.
If she really likes him, she should just give it some time, enjoy his company and see where it goes from there.
A Rock-A-Holic named Heather emailed about a problem she is having involving a co-worker.
She has a co-worker who she is really good friends with and when they both want to go to the same movie, they go together in a non-date situation.
Heather has recently realized that she really likes him and wants to start an actual relationship with the guy but is embarrassed that if she says something, he won’t return her feelings and thus ending their friendship.
This is what’s it’s like to be romantic in the year 2012. The lines of what is a friendship and courtship are so blurred to the point that you don’t know what the hell is up.
Women are more in tune with their emotions and also more susceptible to emotions than guys are.
Here is what I have to say about office relationships though, it is always tough to get involved with someone in the work place so if anyone is thinking about it, here is what they have to figure out: If that person cheats on you, could you still come to work and be a civilized person?
Are you ready for that person to break your heart, are you ready to see them every day and still get your job done without any drama?
Personal drama has no place in the work place so anyone considering an office relationship has to think long and hard if they can handle their job if things go south.
Regardless, the friendship between Heather and this guy is over because she clearly wants more and it’s not fair of her to settle with just being his friend so Heather, take the plunge.
As I get older and talk to the people who are in my age group (I am 52) I get so disappointed to see what they’re turning into.
I’ve always been a little bit more youthful minded as well as a little more immature. Lately I’ve noticed my peers lecturing about everything, and do they sound old!
One of my friends, who I have a great time with, goes on Facebook for his religious rants and it just annoying to see that go down.
Same with everyone and their political Facebook posts; one person will post something and then their friends will shoot back with an argument and it’s never ending.
In the year 2010, the population of people who were voting age in the United States was 235,809,266 yet only 90,682,968 or 37.8% actually voted. In 1960, it was 63.1%!
It is an utter failure of our political system to have this many people in this country don’t vote. I don’t blame the people because the system has become so cumbersome that the majority either don’t want to deal with it or can’t even figure it out. That’s a failure! People aren’t stupid, the system is!
Our former intern, Annabelle, made a joke once when someone told her she should vote saying that she always votes for American Idol. It was a joke, but it’s also the sad truth.
If more people are voting for reality shows then they do for who’s running this country, that is a failure and every politician should be ashamed of themselves.
Last week we read a study about people and their pets that really annoyed me.
The results of The Harris Poll of 2,634 adults surveyed found that of dog owners were the most common of pet owners at two-thirds (67%) of the people has a dog and in second place were cat owners at 52%.
Over nine in ten pet owners (91%) say they actually consider their pet to be a member of their family!
Here are some other facts:
Half of pet owners (51%) say they frequently let their pet sleep in the bed with them.
Pets also get presents: three in ten pet owners (31%) frequently purchase holiday presents for their pet, while another three in ten (31%) occasionally do so. Additionally, just under one in five pet owners (18%) frequently buy their pet’s birthday presents and 22% do so occasionally.
People actually get their pets gifts and have parties for their birthdays so we posed the questions to the Rock-A-Holics what weird things have they’ve seen people do for their pets.
One Rock-A-Holic called in and said that his dogs didn’t like being alone so he just bought “service dog” vest for them online and he had no problem bringing them into any restaurant or store because of it.
People actually do this! They lie about having problems so they can bring their animals with them wherever they want. I understand if someone has a legitimate problem and needs the aid of one of these animals but I have dog allergies, so how fair is it for me to be uncomfortable because you just don’t want to be without your pet during lunch?
A Rock-A-holic named Toni (who’s a woman in her mid twenties) wrote in because she wasn’t sure if she should go out on a second date with a guy after what he did.
When they were on their date, they had a great time, didn’t have any awkward moments, and enjoyed each other’s company. When it came time to pay the bill, the guy asked if they could split it which they did. Toni was convinced this meant that the guy didn’t like her but he called asking her out on a second date.
She wasn’t sure if this is how it’s done “these days” or if splitting the check meant he was a cheapskate or if he is just a frugal person because the economy is so bad.
Her girlfriends told her she would be crazy to go out with this guy again.
If you want to know why it’s more common to be splitting the bill, just look to the women from prior generations. Men are really good at taking a task, hyper focusing on it, and getting it done. That’s what happened when protests about gender equality happened. Some women no longer wanted the door to be held for them; they wanted to bring home the bacon and cook it too.
When I was growing up, we never in our wildest dreams would have thought it was ok to let the woman pay for anything.
They fought to not be discriminated against because of their gender so I don’t know why a woman would get offended when asked to pay for her half. That’s true equality.
If people want true equality then that’s fine, they should just expect to pay for half of the bill because that is the fair thing to do, regardless of gender.
A school district in Cranston, Rhode Island has banned father-daughter dances because they say that it discriminates against kids with single mothers.
The superintendent said that one single mother complained to the ACLU that her daughter wasn’t able to go to the dance and under Rhode Island state law, that does classify as illegal discrimination.
There have always been father-child activities and if a kid couldn’t bring their real father to attend, a uncle, grandfather, older brother, or even the mom would step in to take their place. It wasn’t made a big deal.
If the girl was banned from the dance because she couldn’t bring a dad and tried to bring someone else, then that is wrong. Anyone should get to go to the dance that wants to go to the dance and if you have to bring someone else then that’s fine. They shouldn’t cancel the whole dance. As a father, if I were to go to one of these dances and see another child there with their mother or uncle, I’m not going to get upset because I am there for my kid.
What is wrong with this country; we are so unreasonable that we have to cancel everything!
Do you know that adversity is a part of the human condition? Everyone’s adversity is different and getting through that adversity is what makes us stronger and is a natural part of life.
Having parents come in and stopping every bit of pain that could ever happen to their child is not good for their human development and parents should not do that.
Yes some kids don’t have a father, some don’t have mothers…yes, it is a sad reality but other kids have sad things happen to them too; it’s all part of life and we all have to deal with it!
So just because one parent complained that their child had to go through adversity, we should cancel something for everyone…that makes no sense and the kid is the one that is going to suffer in the end.
Yesterday we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Christina that involved her being embarrassed over being naked in her own home.
Earlier this week, she walked to her closet naked after getting out in the shower and when she looked outside, she saw the pest control guy doing his job out the window.
She was so embarrassed that she hid in the closet and didn’t answer the door when he rang to give her the invoice.
She says that he’s been a great pest control guy and has known him for four years but is thinking about requesting someone new because she is so embarrassed.
I don’t understand why this is such a big deal in the year 2012. If this happened 30 years ago I would get why someone would be embarrassed if they were exposed in front of someone but things are different in today’s day and age.
Sex and nudity isn’t so demonized anymore; a study was done and found that 33% of women admit to looking at pornography! So if we have evolved so much in this aspect, I find it hard to understand why someone would have such a big issue with it that they would consider getting a new pest control guy.
I’m not telling people to walk around naked in front of people who are doing work in their homes but in this situation, can you just accept that it happened and move on?
Last week on the show, we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Samantha who was looking for some Group Therapy.
She recently was asked out by an ex-coworker who she has a crush on but wasn’t sure if she should go out with him because he didn’t want to date her a year ago when she was 50 pounds heavier.
It’s interesting that she is upset now because she got what she wanted. She lost the weight, she looks great, and she’s getting attention from men she likes.
Deep down inside women know that guys are first attracted to appearance. It’s not a great thing to hear but we know it’s true because it’s in our biology; men biologically judge women for breeding purposes.
It sucks that women get mad at men for not being attracted to them. I’m not going to go out of my way to tell people if they’re attractive or not but if asked and I tell the truth, women would get mad at me!
You’re not attractive to everyone. Jenny McCarthy who is someone many people idolize, is not attractive to me. It’s just the way it works!
The thing to remember is that guys will have sex with anybody but they won’t live with just anyone. If he sticks around, it’s because he finds the girl’s personality beautiful as well, but if he’s not given a chance because of how he used to feel, then a woman could miss out.
Last week on the show, we read a message from a Rock-A-Holic named Jennifer that talks about how her husband is extremely jealous.
She starts off by saying that she has to talk to the people at work whether she likes to or not. One guy from her work “friended” her on Facebook but then started sending her sexual messages on the Facebook Messenger. He is also married and Jennifer just ignores them but still talks to him at work. In the messages, he talks about how he wants to have a spouse swap with them and when Jennifer’s husband saw the messages he freaked out.
He said that by letting anyone talk to her like that is disrespecting him as her husband.
Then Jennifer says something in her message that really gets down to the root of things. She says that she likes to hear compliments because she used to be overweight.
First off, that coworker is a jerk. What kind of dishonorable person, who is married, makes a move on another married person?
Secondly, Jennifer needs to understand that by not putting a stop to this co-worker’s inappropriate behavior because she likes the compliments is emotional cheating. Her husband is not being overly jealous; he is reacting accordingly to having his wife emotionally cheat on him. If her husband would have had sex with another woman, Jennifer would have lost her mind. A man physically cheating is the same as a woman emotionally cheating.
So the thing Jennifer has to decide is if she wants compliments more than she wants her marriage.
Earlier this week we read a message from a Rock-A-Holic named “Jack” who was looking for some Group Therapy.
Jack had made a sex tape with his ex before he got together with his now fiancé. Now he is wondering if he should tell his fiancé before they get married just in case she finds out through a different source like the ex girlfriend who still has a copy of the tape. His only concern is if he tells his fiancé that she would freak out and never let it go.
The best advice I can give Jack and all men who are debating on telling their woman something like this from their past is to not tell them a thing.
What you did before you met your woman when it comes to intimate relationships is none of her business and the same goes for you. No one has the right to ask for that kind of information and if they do demand it, it’s extremely inappropriate and no one has to put up with that.
It’s not acceptable to go up to your partner and ask them to tell you what their solo activity is like, so why is this ok?
Trust me, if Jack decides to tell his fiancé that he has a sex tape out there, he will regret it because it will most likely be thrown against him every time they have an argument.
I don’t think Jack’s predicament is a #BLD situation, I just think that guys are pressured to be honest in relationships but he’s done nothing wrong! It’s in the past, and no one has the right to know about it except Jack himself.
Yesterday on the show, we talked about how one principle from Portland is saying that peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are racist!
Dr. Verenice Gutierrez is a principle of a kindergarten through 8th grade containing 500 students. Of those students, 50% are Hispanic, 15% are black, and 9% are Asian.
According to the “Portland Tribune”, Principle Gutierrez said quote, “picks up in the subtle language of racism every day.”
So when a teacher used a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as an example, she recommended against that.
“What about Somali or Hispanic students, who might not eat sandwiches?” she asked. “Another way would be to say: ‘Americans eat peanut butter and jelly, do you have anything like that?’ Let them tell you. Maybe they eat torta. Or pita.”
Guess what Ms. Gutierrez…we are in America! People migrate over here because they love this country and hope to adapt to get a better life. They love the way we do business and want to live the American dream.
Why can’t they talk about how PB&J is a delicacy here? It’s not racist if you talk about something everyone enjoys in that particular place.
Yesterday during Group Therapy we read a Facebook message from a Rock-Holic named Mike who was having problems with his roommate.
His friend/ex co-worker has been unemployed for three years now but has had a few part time jobs before those companies went belly up.
The roommate’s unemployment ran out a year ago and a couple of months ago he stopped being able to afford his rent so he volunteered to move himself into Mike’s one bedroom apartment.
Mike doesn’t know what to do; he likes his privacy and he feels like he is being taking advantage of. This guy lives rent free, collects food stamps, and watches Mike’s cable for free. The other night when he got home, all he wanted to do was relax and watch a few games he recorded on the DVR but couldn’t because this guy was making way too much noise while sleeping! Mike can’t even sleep well due to this guy’s ridiculously loud snoring.
He’s not sure if he should kick him out now or wait a few more months.
Ever since men have been minimized in society and don’t have a say when it comes to raising children, women have taken over and coddled these kids and now we have situations like this one.
Someone needs to tell this freeloader that he is a lazy bum and he needs to get off his ass and find a new job otherwise he’s out of a place to stay; but because he was obviously coddled, he feels no shame in freeloading.
I believe that Mike was raised to be a people pleaser; he probably bends over backwards in situations where he really doesn’t have to. So the best advice for Mike and people with similar problems, just grow a pair and tell him to get out; it’s not his responsibility to take care of this guy.
Yesterday on the show, we read an interesting survey that will make everyone question the mores of society.
Women today like you for your looks not your money.
Dr Marcel Zentner, a psychologist at York University and his team surveyed 12,000 people in more than 30 countries asking them to describe which traits they most valued in a potential partner.
He said, “Traditionally, women prefer wealthy men who have an ability to invest resources in any children. What we found was that as women because more equal, this preference declines, but men’s looks become much more important.”
Essentially when a woman doesn’t need a man to provide for them and their family, it’s when they become “shallow.”
This is bad news for men but I can also see this being bad news for women down the line was well.
I really hate that being attracted to someone you are biologically attracted as shallow. People are not shallow when they are wired to be visually attracted to a certain thing.
Here is the honest truth for ladies: Men go after women they find attractive and are in their league. Most men are not shallow at all. We take a look at what a woman is or isn’t and then determine if she is in or out of our league. It’s a natural thing we do and we don’t get any credit for it.
How many people have you heard say, “My partner is really ugly but this is all I can do,”?
When a guy approaches a woman, it’s because they are attracted to them and are in the same league.
Now, according to this new survey saying women are attracted to men because of their looks, I have to say that women who do this are the shallow ones. Women are not normally visual creatures and as far as long term relationships go, women who are with men based on their looks are going to have a miserable time. A short term thing is something else, but for a long term thing, a woman can’t rely on looks as her primary thing because he has nothing more to offer her.
What happened to the days when a woman was with a man because he treated her and her family great?
Last week during Group Therapy, we read a Facebook message from a Rock-A-Holic named “Jay.”
He has spent the last six years with his girlfriend and two kids. Three of those years he was engaged to her but there was no sign of marriage.
Two weeks ago, they both agreed to call the engagement off.
She brought two kids with ADHD and anxiety disorders into the relationship from the start so he has been going to doctors appointments and has assumed the father role for the last six years because he loves these kids.
Jay is hurting bad and wanted to know what to do when someone falls out of love with you. Do you stick around and try to fix it in attempts of trying to find what they had years ago or should he just walk away.
Even though she has fallen out of love with him, Jay’s girlfriend says she is willing to try and he will only stick around with a person who doesn’t love him if there is a chance to rekindle that spark.
I’m very black and white in my thinking but I have come to understand that the world doesn’t always operate that way, it can be “yes and no” sometimes.
They can still try to make it work if they feel like they can make something from what happened or he can just pack up his things and go.
The big thing I can tell someone in this situation is to make sure they keep their self esteem. Don’t betray yourself because you deserve to be with someone who loves you. It will be hard given the connection he has established with the kids but sometimes you just have to move on for your own benefit.
Yesterday on the show, we shared an interesting statistic that was just found out by UCLA.
They found that 67% of couples had at least one person who had cold feet at their wedding, and those couples were more likely to divorce.
The whole idea of planning a wedding and getting married has become such a big machine that people don’t want to take the time to discuss these feelings.
The pressure of backing out of it whether it’s the financial aspect or not wanting to look bad in front of all these people sometimes pushes people to go through something they might not really want.
Americans are so sick because we take the most basic things and complicate them to the point where we ruin our own lives. Someone could really like their partner but once it sets in that you’re going to be with them for the rest of your life, especially if you’re a guy and you’ve never thought about it, then it should be looked at! People don’t think about the financial and emotional implications of what could happen if they go through with the wedding and end up breaking up anyways!
What people need to understand is the monogamy isn’t normal; biologists and sociologist have done studies to prove that this is true. If guys are going against the natural grain on this by only being with one person for the rest of their lives, then they need to make sure that person is amazing because a long marriage is going to be very difficult even with that amazing person.
For women on the other hand, it is socially acceptable to be emotional cheaters. They can go into work and flirt and have an “office spouse.” Even if they never do anything physical, they are still getting the satisfaction they want while men, who get their satisfaction through sex, can’t just go out and have an physical affair on their wives.
That’s why it’s really important to both men and women not to get suckered into the big wedding machine; if you’re getting cold feet and are not sure if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, then address those feelings, don’t just go through with a marriage…you’ll pay dearly in the end.
Yesterday on the show, we talked about how about 80% of single women would have a serious problem dating someone who made less money than them. We asked Rock-A-Holics to finish this statement: “I would have a serious problem dating ____.”
During this topic, we received a call from Ken who said that he has a serious problem dating anyone. He’s in his 40’s and has been single for 10 years. For the first couple of years he did mix it up and occasionally find someone to be friends with benefits with but now he just goes to his extensive “movie” collection instead. Ken says the reason is because he is a busy guy and this is easier.
At this point in time I think prostitution should be legal. I know it sounds weird but really, why not?
If at any point I wasn’t with my wife like for example if she passed away, I wouldn’t want dive right into a new relationship. I don’t want to be cruel to a woman, but if you want that physical comfort then you have to get into a relationship and if you don’t want that, you end up breaking her heart.
I’ve been with my wife for almost 30 years and if she was no longer here, I wouldn’t want a deep emotional connection with another woman, I’ve already experienced that.
There are many men out there in similar situations who just want to receive physical comfort and many woman who are willing to provide it…so why is this consensual activity illegal? You’d rather a person pretend to “love” someone instead? That should be illegal.
Yesterday during Group Therapy, we read a Facebook message from a Rock-A-Holic named Chris who was having a problem that happens in almost every family.
Chris and his brother are both in their 20’s and living on their own. The problem they are having is that their mom constantly worries that they are upset with her if they don’t talk to her every few days. She also says that she wishes that she could afford a big house for them to all live in.
What Chris wanted to know was how to tell his mom to go enjoy her life without needing her kids around constantly.
This is a very common problem and the empty nest syndrome is a difficult thing to go through but by the sound of his message, she doesn’t have a husband or boyfriend there to help her through this tough time.
Around the time the kids leave, women not only have to deal with that but they are also possibly dealing with menopause so it’s up to the husband/boyfriend to be there for their lady to get through this.
The best thing I ever did was separate my wife and son because we have all since become really close but I helped my wife out with the process.
One Rock-A-Holic called in and said that he should help her find group activates with women her own age so she can bond and have fun with them. That is an excellent idea as well; what ever happened to women forming groups to help and support their fellow women?
As much as I understand how much people who moved for the first time appreciate their new found freedom, Chris has to know that even with a text here or there would mean the world to his mom.
Last week during Group Therapy, we read a Facebook from a Rock-A-Holic named Mark who needed help on how to approach a situation involving his ex and his daughter.
His ex and him have been separated for two years now and she’s been dating a guy for the last eight months which Mark has no problem with that.
What he does have a problem with is that she wants to move the guy in and Mark is not comfortable having this guy sleeping in the same house as their 5-year-old daughter.
He knows she is entitled to date whoever she wants but this guy rubs him the wrong way.
Mark wanted to know what he could do to stop this short of involving legal action.
It’s a scary thing when people start bringing new boyfriends or girlfriends around their kids.
Blended families are not what they appear to be on TV. I’m not saying just physical problems can happen but verbal or emotional damage can be done as well, just by the mere fact that they are not the real parent.
No one should be moving into a home with children until they are married. Unfortunately, some people don’t see how exceptionally important this is to a child’s development and our government is really letting us down in this situation.
They just care about tax dollars garnered from child support check, especially in this state.
I don’t know why we don’t fight for this. Why doesn’t the kid come first? We shouldn’t let random people come live in a house with children, end of story!