Yesterday we read an email from Ben, a Rock-A-Holic who was having problems with his girlfriend’s sleeping buddy.
His girlfriend of 11 months has a 3-year-old daughter and she lets the little girl sleep in her bed every night.
He’s thinking of telling her that if things don’t change, he doesn’t see their relationship going much further, but wanted our advice.
I’ve never understood the “community bed” idea; I really believe it’s more about mother’s who don’t want to cut the cord with their kids. A parent needs to cut that cord, so their kid can be on its way to becoming an autonomous being. It is a parent’s job to prepare them for the world and by having the kid sleep in the same bed as them doesn’t help.
During the topic, a listener named Jaime called and said that when her kids were 2 and 3 years old and she was still single, she would have them sleep with her. Once she got a boyfriend and wanted to form an intimate relationship with this guy, she made it a point to move her kids in their own rooms. I do give her props for at least moving the kids to their own beds once she go into a relationship but this kind of behavior needs to stop.
Some women treat their children like they are some kind of toy or some form of therapy for them. A mother’s job is to raise her children; the kids shouldn’t be the ones the parents depend on for comfort. If they happen to be comforting in the middle of everything, then that’s a bonus, but parents have to be there for their kids, not the other way around!
This society has seemed to have forgotten that! It seems like some people have kids just to bring them happiness and unconditional love just like buying a pet would, but I’m here to say that is wrong! Get the kids out of your beds, and if you don’t want to be alone at night, get a nightlight or teddy bear for yourself and start being a real parent to your kids.
A Rock-A-Holic named Tim emailed in looking for some Group Therapy help.
Tim had quite the argument with his girlfriend while trying to make vacation plans for the summer.
It started when he mentioned that they should go to Maui and his girlfriend said NO!
The reason she doesn’t want to go to Maui is because she knows that Tim and an ex went there on vacation before. She’s afraid that during the vacation she is going to be constantly be thinking about what they were doing last time, if Tim is having more fun this time, etc.
He wanted to know if his girlfriend has a point and it’s not ok to go on vacation to the same place you took an ex.
This is a big thing for some women; they don’t like to be compared or put up against other women for any reason.
I’ve actually thought about this before that if for whatever reason my wife wasn’t in my life anymore and I was with someone else, would I take them to my favorite vacation spot?
This is really a big thing for some women. I love Hawaii and I really love where we stay because it’s a nice place, a good value, and I feel comfortable there.
I think a good rule of thumb is to wait a year after the break up to start taking your significant other to the places you once went to with an ex; that way, you’ve had time to heal from the last relationship and being at these places won’t spark painful memories.
Yesterday, we helped out Rock-A-Holic Allison with an issue she was having with her boyfriend about their sex life.
Allison has been dating her boyfriend for about a month and she thought it would be fun to “spice things up” in the bedroom. Last week, she decided to try stuff from the erotic romance novel 50 Shades of Grey.
For those who don’t know, 50 Shades of Grey is the erotic story about a college graduate, featuring sexual practices involving bondage, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism that is based in Seattle.
She says he was really into it at first, but the next day he started behaving differently towards her. In fact, he has been acting distant towards her all week. Allison was confused because she thought guys like it when girls act crazy and kinky in bed.
I’ve said this before, when a guy is aroused, he loses rational thinking. It is a hormonal thing that happens in men, not in women. Sometimes men will do things they wouldn’t do if they were not aroused and thinking rationally.
That’s probably what happened here with Allison’s boyfriend; he was horny, got excited about the idea of having sex so he did these “kinkier things” and then when his rational thinking returned the next day, he realized that maybe all the things he did were not for him.
It’s really important for women to understand this so they don’t take it personally; women go through irrational thinking sometimes because of their hormones and the same goes for us guys, it just occurs in different aspects.
Last week on the show, we talked about how U.S. military leaders have formally lifted the ban on women serving in combat positions.
This move, which was recommended by the Joint Chiefs of Staff, overturns a 1994 rule banning women from being assigned to smaller ground combat units.
I’ve never been in a combat situation but from what I’ve been told by those who have been, they say you become a completely different being once you cross over to that state of mind. To be in the situation where if becomes a matter of life or death, some soldiers do revert back to an animalistic state and that’s why I really wonder if mixing the genders will only create more issues.
We already hear stories about the amount of physical and sexual assault happening to women in the military that is being covered up…will it be worse for those women who are in combat until this situation is rectified? I’m not saying women can or can’t do the job; I’m just worried that there are things on the men’s side that should be fixed beforehand.
We’ve heard stories from listeners saying that there are already special rules for women that allows them to even get in the military; rules that are easier on them and not men. I don’t care who is out there on the front lines; it doesn’t matter the gender, the race, the sexual orientation, as long as the people we are putting out there are the best of the best.
Yesterday during Group Therapy, we read an email from Tricia, a Rock-A-Holic who needed some serious advice about her marriage.
She is 36-years-old and has been married to her husband for 12 years and he loves him very much. The problem is she doesn’t like having sex…AT ALL. Tricia has sex with her husband but she feels like it’s a chore and does it to make her husband happy. She recently read an article online that said 30% of couples that have had one partner engage in an affair had permission from their spouse to do so.
Tricia doesn’t feel like its fair that her husband doesn’t get to have as much sex as he’d like and when he does, he has to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to do it with him.
First off, I’d like to give her an incredible amount of props for bringing up a topic that is one of the biggest kept secrets in the female community. The same goes for men, even though I believe the number of men not wanting to have sex with their spouse would seem to be a lower.
Many women get mad when I say this but, when you get married, you are not forced to have sex with anyone, but that is a big part of that relationship. Don’t get married if you don’t want to have sex.
I think this is a fantastic thing to bring up for discussion. This could make for happier marriages if first off the couple is able to talk about their sexual incompatibilities and work that out.
Sadly, a good amount of couples are sexually incompatible and they don’t find out until after they say “I do.”
Many of us have been trained to believe that sex is the same thing as love but in reality we know it is not.
I would recommend Tricia and her husband go seek out a therapist who specializes in this and talk to her husband about it in that environment. It may help her work out her own issues and/or they might decide that it is best to keep their relationship just emotional and have him get his physical needs taken care of elsewhere.
Yesterday on the show, we talked about a teacher who is getting fired over a joke she pulled with her students…and the joke was the students’ idea!
Melissa Cairns is a middle school math teacher has been fired after posting a picture of a few of her students with duct tape over the mouths and writing “Finally found a way to get them to be quiet!!!" It was the students’ idea and they placed the duct tape over their own mouths.
She was fired after a fellow teacher discovered the picture and reported her.
Cairns did say posting the picture was a mistake but also said, "Do I feel that this one, stupid mistake should cost me the last 10 years of all the good I've done? Absolutely not.”
What has happened to society? Why is it that people are expected to have 100% success, if not, they’re fired? There is no room for error and unfortunately good people are getting thrown out for things that are harmless.
Cairns sounded like a cool enough teacher where the kids felt comfortable enough around her to make jokes with her, so why can’t they just accept that she admits to making a mistake and move on.
If the kids were forced to do something they didn’t want to do that is a different story, or if she has been in trouble before but this was not the case. I hope that she sues the school district and gets a pile of cash because this is just ridiculous.
Yesterday, during Group Therapy, we read a message from a Rock-A-Holic named Graham who wrote in because of a problem he is having with his wife and Facebook.
He says that his wife is the most annoying person in Facebook history! She is constantly posting pictures of her shoes, “checks in” everywhere they go, posts about the “cute things” he does and so on.
He has already tried blocking her and talking to her about it, but nothing has worked. Graham wanted to know if he should just delete her off his Facebook.
I don’t know how to feel about the over sharers. On average the over sharers are women and what they have to understand is that a lot of men are not social in that way. The ways guys socialize is by getting together to watch or play something, and not say much throughout the whole process.
It is abusive to the nature of a guy to be hyper social to him; Graham’s wife is treating him like a one of her girlfriends and that is frustrating for a guy!
This is another example of the vaginization of society; some women want men to behave more like them.
How would Graham’s wife like it if he was constantly posting pictures of sexy women from Facebook pages like “The Gap” on his page?
The best way to have a great relationship with a woman is to use the whole “yes dear” method. When she is doing something that you find annoying, say “yes dear” and go into the garage and pound away at a project. It’s better to ignore things then get into a mess sometimes.
I have always been the catalyst for change and I don’t mind being the big mouth so here it goes: Ladies, it is massively unfair when you get myopic over something you think is awesome and a man doesn't even though you think he should. This has to change because a relationship is about two people learning about each other and giving what they other person wants.
Graham, and many other husbands like him, doesn’t enjoy this Facebook interaction and the best thing their wives can do is to just stop.
Last week, we received a text message (via 77999) from a Rock-A-Holic named Tom who was having a dumb argument with his wife.
What was going was that their neighbor still had their Christmas lights up and still turned them on at night.
Tom is tired of the lights because he thinks they look tacky; he told his wife that if his neighbor doesn’t have them down by this weekend, that he will politely go over and offer to help them take them down.
His wife thinks that by doing that, they will look like snobby jerks and that they should just leave it alone.
I understand sometimes people don’t have the time to take down the lights, we are all busy nowadays, but at least don’t leave them blaring at night after the holidays.
What is wrong with some people that don’t understand that they are not the only ones living in the neighborhood and should be respectful of their neighbors?
These are Christmas lights, and it’s no longer Christmas! We already get bombarded with Christmas decorations and gifts in August; the whole Christmas season has been extended for months now! I think the rule should be that a house can have their Christmas lights up for two weeks after Christmas, and if they still can’t take them down, don’t turn them on.
Yesterday, the International Olympic Committee has stripped and asked Lance Armstrong to return the bronze medal that he won at the 2000 Olympic Games.
This also comes three months after being stripped of his Tour de France titles.
Today on Oprah, it has been confirmed that he is going to finally admit to doping and lying about it.
For years I was always in the minority when it came to believing he was a fake. I just knew in my heart of hearts that he was lying about doping and people got mad at me for criticizing their golden boy.
Even though all this information has come out, a lot of people are still on his side because of his cancer story and his work with Livestrong.
I understand that Lance did a lot of good with the Livestrong foundation but he is not the only person who works for them and now their reputation has been tarnished because of his cheating. There are also plenty of other cancer organizations who do enormous amount work to help people suffering from cancer.
I don’t think the ends justify the means. Yes he did good by working with Livestrong, but he cheated; that is how he got to the position to make a difference. I don’t think people who cheat should be glorified for it.
The bottom line is that everyone believed that he did the impossible…turns out he wasn’t special, he wasn’t a hero…he was just an ordinary cheater.
Yesterday’s Group Therapy was really upsetting on many levels.
A Rock-A-Holic named Ricky recently left the mother of his children but he can’t seem to stay away.
He did everything he could to leave her, and now she says she is having sex with other men to get what she wants. It’s tearing up Ricky because he still loves her and she has been the only person she has ever been with which is why it’s been even harder on him.
Ricky is afraid that if he keeps trying that he will eventually lose his boys to this woman who has made him homeless and made his life a living hell, but he just can’t let go.
This is another example of the power of vaginization. It used to be when a man got rejected, there is a certain part of him that would accept that and move on, but sadly I don’t see that much anymore.
Also, he has two kids with this woman; again, why are men making babies with women who are horrible for them and before they get married. Guys, don’t believe the crap! Stop having unprotected sex and making a mess out of your life. There are other ways of getting sexual gratification without making a baby.
What Ricky, and men like Ricky, need is tough love because obviously being soft won’t help them.
Also, how is it that Ricky became homeless? Did he let this woman handle all the finances? How can you not keep track of your money and accounts?
There is no couple on the planet who should let the finances be solely handled by one person. Many of the people I have met that let their spouse handle all of the money ended up getting screwed over. I have no sympathy for you if you end up homeless because you weren’t keeping track of your bank accounts.
This is who you deserve to be with Ricky because this is all YOU THINK you can get. My advice is to go talk to someone because you have some serious issues. Treating yourself like crap your low self confidence are keeping you from a better life because you won’t think you deserve better.
Yesterday I read a bizarre story that really irritated me.
A teacher in Ohio is suing the school district she has worked for 35 years because they discriminated against her phobia. Spanish teacher Maria C. Waltherr-Willard has pedophobia, a phobia of young children; yes a fear of children. According to medical professionals, Maria experiences stress, anxiety, chest pains, vomiting, nightmares and higher than healthy blood pressure when she’s around young kids.
Maria is suing the school district because she says it discriminated against her when, back in 2010, she was reassigned from the high school to its junior high which pressured her to resign.
This really frustrates me; we live in country that is full of scammers and the first tip off for me about this situation is that she is 61-years-old. How do we know she is not looking for an easy retirement plan? It seems rather odd that someone would choose a career where they might have to face their severe phobia?
I understand that she was teaching high school, but what about the students who are late bloomers and still look young? Some kids take a little longer to develop and hit puberty; can she teach those students or will she be crippled by fear?
I’m not sure how much she gets paid, but since she’s been working there for 35 years makes me think that that she probably has tenure and is doing well. If she really didn’t want to be near her “phobia,” she could have gotten a job in a different field and be at the top of the totem pole today.
This woman shouldn’t be anywhere near schools because either she’s a scammer or clueless.
Last week, we received a text from a Rock-A-Holic named Marilyn, who wasn’t sure if she should break bad news to someone she doesn’t know very well.
While getting lunch at Kent Station last week, Marilyn saw one of her boyfriend’s friends on what appeared to be a date with a girl that wasn’t his girlfriend.
She doesn’t know the girl very well since they’ve only hung out on a few double dates, but she wonders if she should tell the girl because “girls should stick together.”
What Marilyn and anyone in this situation have to understand is, if you do this, you will be the cause of pain for many people. Not only would Marilyn be hurting this couple, but she will be hurting her boyfriend because she will be putting a big strain on the friendship he has with his buddy.
There is no good that can come from telling this girl something that may not be what it seems. What if the guy was on a work lunch or lunch with a family member? Worst of all, what if they broke up, he’s seeing someone new, and by going to the girlfriend, Marilyn just rubs salt in the wound caused by the break up?
We don’t know the full story, so why risk hurting someone who isn’t even your friend and causing issues for your significant other over something you don’t have all the facts on in the first place
Yesterday during Group Therapy, we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Jackson who wrote in about a problem his friend came to him with.
His friend is pregnant with her first and what could possibly be her only child because she thought she couldn’t have kids. The problem is that the father of this woman’s baby is his own cousin; they dated for a few months and broke up but she doesn’t want to tell him about her pregnancy. When they were together, he was too controlling and jealous.
The mother-to-be and her family all think she shouldn’t tell the father about the baby, but she wanted his opinion.
This whole situation really pisses me off; first of all she involved her friend in this whole mess and he’s related to the father of her child! Why would anyone bring in someone and put them in a conflicting situation. Basically he’s forced to either side with his friend or his family member. It’s an unfair thing to put him through, sadly the real loser in this situation is the unborn baby.
Both yesterday and today we talked about something that ESPN play-by-play announcer Brent Musburger said that has been all over the news.
During the broadcast of the Alabama against Notre Dame game, Brent made comments about quarterback A J McCarron’s girlfriend Katherine Webb.
Here is the video:
When the camera was on the former Miss Alabama USA, Brent describes her as a “lovely lady” and “beautiful.” He also said, “You quarterbacks get all the good-looking women,” and “A J’s doing some things right. If you’re a youngster in Alabama, start getting the football out and throw it around the backyard with Pop.”
Many people were so upset by his comments, that the network has since issued an apology for Brent’s comments. Here is what ESPN spokesman Josh Krulewitz said:
“We always try to capture interesting story lines and the relationship between an Auburn grad who is Miss Alabama and the current Alabama quarterback certainly met that test. However, we apologize that the commentary in this instance went too far and Brent understands that.”
This is the difference between men and women. Yeah he was a little bit of a tool shed in the whole situation because he was drooling over a player’s girlfriend, but he did nothing wrong.
As a guy, I know that most guys were thinking what he was saying because Katherine is a beautiful woman.
What frustrates me is that now ESPN has to come out and apologize; they’re supposed to be a sports network! On average, men care about sports more than women but because there are some ladies watching, then they have to apologize.
He didn’t say anything inappropriate or crude, he was overly completing a woman, whose job by the way, is to be looked at as a beautiful woman!
She wasn’t even upset about it, in fact, she was appreciative! I was really happy to hear how Katherine handled the whole thing. She told The Associated Press: “It was kind of nice. I didn’t look at it as creepy at all. For a woman to be called beautiful, I don’t see how that’s an issue.”
Welcome to America, where the people with the lowest self esteem have the biggest voice! Nobody has a thick skin anymore! The funny thing is, a thick skin wasn’t even needed in this situation because nothing bad was said; this is how bad it is in this society.
I am so frustrated with that network because they have become so vaginized! It used to be a sports network that catered to men; if women want to watch then that’s totally fine, but they shouldn't march in and try to change what it's about because it's our guy thing.
There is no victim here, so stop apologizing and give me more highlights!
This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. I am so sick of The “victim based” agenda of certain groups. I think when it comes to certain Christian groups, they need to let their flock know they are constantly under attack for fear of losing said flock.
It makes sense to why they used Neil for the ad and it’s because he is a popular star of a hit show on CBS, which is also showing the Super Bowl! Nothing on the ad says anything about a “gay agenda,” it’s just these extreme religious people trying to nitpick and find a way to make themselves look like the poor victims.
It’s not all Christians who are saying this, but this group of complainers is making all religion look bad.
Yesterday during Group Therapy, we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Shelly who was looking for advice on if she should hit on the guy she has a crush on.
The reason she wanted advice is because he is a teacher and teaches one of her kid’s classes. She has had a crush on this guy for a year now but they have only done the “eye contact and smiles thing.” The reason she thinks it hasn’t gone further than that is because of the weird circumstances. Shelly just wanted to know how to know for sure if he likes her before moving it to the next step and of it’s even a good idea.
I appreciate that she at least wrote in to get another opinion, but do the women of previous generations see what is going on with the young women today? Since some didn’t allow their husbands to put their foot down and tell their daughters/granddaughters/nieces, etc what’s up, there are a lot of young women who are just clueless when it comes to things like this.
To me this is a no brainer; why would anyone want to do something that can potentially make their child’s life more difficult? Parents have to put their kids first and think of the negative effect something like that could have on them. What if the relationship doesn’t work out and they still have to see their teacher every day or what if the other students find out and start making fun of him?
We need to start training the young woman of today about behaving appropriately when something like this happens. Then, maybe it will finally be a no brainer and they will always know what to do.
Last week on the show, we talked about a recent article about Yourtango.com about the three things that women do that men hate. I have to give Youtango.com credit because there are some women out there who still don’t know how simple it is for a woman to make their boyfriend or husband happy.
I don’t care what anyone says, women from the 50’s and 60’s were the ones who knew how to truly be the best partners.
Steve was joking about this but there is truth to if you want to make your man happy, make him a sandwich.
If women don’t want to do this they don’t have to, but if you’re not willing then why be in a relationship? Men on average are very simple creatures which sometimes doesn’t make sense to some women, because they can be complex creatures and don’t understand that something as simple as preparing a sandwich would put a guy in a great mood. If woman can satisfy a man’s simple comforts, she can make him happy.
Now a lot of women would say that this is a prime example of chauvinism. It’s chauvinistic to expect any gender to be trapped doing things based on their gender.
If a man wanting a sandwich from his girl is chauvinistic, then women expecting men to pay for dinner, buy them flowers, etc is chauvinistic as well! Yet most women who accuse men of being pigs, would gladly accept these gifts.
Yesterday during Group Therapy, I read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Jonathon who was getting called a wuss over letting certain people back into his life.
Nine years ago, his fiancé at the time, his son who was one at the time, and himself went on vacation to San Diego to visit his brother. During that week on vacation, his fiancé and brother fell in love and needless to say he returned to Seattle alone.
A year later, they were married and the brothers despised each other.
Jonathon stayed in his son’s life, paid child support, and developed a great relationship with his son.
After a long custody battle, his ex won custody and returned to San Diego with Jonathon’s brother.
Last Mother’s Day, his brother reached out to apologize and ask for forgiveness. John said that he would never trust him again and forgiveness would take time.
Fast forward seven months to now, Jonathon has forgiven his brother and his ex and even had them over for the holidays. It was awkward at first but it turned out to be a great visit.
The problem is, his friends know what is going on and think he’s weak for forgiving these people and forgiving them.
The key to being a good friend is never telling your friends what to do. Instead, explain to them what has happened in your own life and how you dealt with things yourself. That is the key difference.
It seems like we all do this; especially about things we have no idea about. It’s like that uncle that gives you financial advice and has no money himself.
If you support your friends instead of telling them how to live their lives, you’ll have stronger bonds.
Yesterday during Group Therapy, we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Brian.
Brian was engaged until his fiancé decided he wasn’t good enough for her, so she would go out drinking and partying behind his back.
When she didn’t delete her text messages, Brian found that she was talking to guy and pretending she was single. She did end up cheating on him one weekend and he kicked her out of his house.
The now ex started dating the guy she cheated with, but the weird thing is that the “home wrecker” wants to go have a beer with Brian. Already I dislike that guy for thinking that was ok to do.
Brian’s ex called him crying asking if she can come over and when he said “HELL NO,” she wrote him a long text message saying she misses him, is sorry, and wants to work it out.
This is an open in shut case for most people, the only problem is, Brian says he is 90% sure he WILL NOT get back together with her but they do have a baby together.
Our show has been around for over 13 years, and something I have always tried teaching men throughout the years is to stop putting babies before marriage.
It doesn’t matter what women have to say about it, some like to have it all even though they can’t handle that. Men have to be responsible about this so they don’t end up getting screwed over later like Brian has.
When it comes to babies, women become deluded because it’s a hormonal thing just like men get deluded when it comes to doing the act that makes babies; it’s biology.
So guys, remember, marriage first, babies later and you will live a happier life.
Today is our first day back from vacation and during the Luke Warm Topic, someone on show talked about a gift they received for Christmas that really set me off.
Vicky Barcelona commented on how her ex-boyfriend’s parents sent her a necklace that says “Family” on it and they said to her that she will always be a part of her family.
Can I say that we’ve become extremely stupid as a society?
When someone in your family ends a relationship, it should end for you too. It is not appropriate to try to keep that fire burning.
When that happens, the family member that had to go through the break up gets placed in an awkward situation because their ex is still in their lives…all because a relative doesn’t want to cut the cord. What happens when they both start dating someone new and they have to be around each other?
The bottom line is that by being friends with the people your family member used to date is going to cause unnecessary drama and it’s not worth causing problems within your family just to still hang out with these people.