BJ Shea

 BJ Shea
Posts from April 2013


BJ'S BLOG 04/30/13 "Allergies"
Yesterday during Group Therapy, we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Max who was having a work place dilemma.

Max has severe allergies to fragrances to the point where he has tried 30 different deodorants in the past year in hope to find one that won’t cause his nose to itch.

The other day, his boss’s boss told him in front of everyone in the office told him to stop sniffling because it’s just as annoying as if he were clicking a pen non-stop.  At first he thought his boss was joking but then he suggested that they put him in an isolated environment.

Max asked a few of his office mates if his sniffling has ever bothered them and they not only said no, they said that he should report this boss to HR because he discussed a “medical issue” in front of everyone.

The problem is if that it might not be a good idea since he is a contract worker and is hoping to get hired on full time in the fall.

I get where Max is coming from because I too am sensitive to strong fragrances and my allergies can get really bad, but he does have to learn to manage it like by maybe using allergy medication.  I’m not saying the way the boss went about telling him was appropriate, because it was definitely a jerk move.  He isn’t asking the people in his office to change the fragrances, but if he’s trying to further his career, maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing to take the separate office.   It would show his boss that he is a team player and willing to do what it takes to make sure everyone is at their best to get their jobs done.
 
 
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Topics: Human Interest




 
BJ'S BLOG 04/29/13 "Children's Needs"
Last week during Group Therapy, a Rock-A-Holic named Brett was in some serious trouble and needed some help.

He explained that he got his girlfriend pregnant, but doesn’t think she will make a very good mother. The reason is…she’s a heavy drug user!

I long for the day where I won’t hear the words “girlfriend” and “pregnant” in the same sentence. There are so many precautions that can be taken if people don’t want be parents yet, why is it that we hear about so many people in this situation?  

This woman, including anyone else who has a recent history of drug abuse should not be allowed to be the caregiver to a kid yet the system we have in place that doesn’t seem to keep this from happening!

Why is it that no one seems to care about the child’s rights? How many kids are out there dealing with heinous things all because their parents are too irresponsible to give them the care they need!

She should not be allowed to have custody of this child and I hope other men see Brett’s situation as a learning experience for what not to do.
 
 
 
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Topics: Social Issues
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BJ'S BLOG 04/26/13 "Making Mistakes"
Earlier this week, we played audio of rookie news reporter’s first time on air at his new job…and what he said got him fired!  
 
A.J. Clemente was a news anchor on KFYR in North Dakota; during his first broadcast, he didn’t realize that they were live and dropped and F-Bomb!
 
Here is a link to the video of him swearing:  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10011934/TV-Anchor-AJ-Clemente-sacked-after-swearing-with-very-first-words-on-air.html
 
After being fired, he did do a few interviews talking about what happened including an interview with Letterman.  Here is the video of that: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50145593n
 
It's sad to see that he got fired for this because we all cuss; they’re just words and it’s a part of life.  He should have been suspended for about month as his punishment but people need to understand that mistakes happen especially if you’re the new guy!  He didn't even know that he was live on air so it wasn’t like it slipped out when he was aware of what was going on! 

I really find it horrible that the audience wouldn't give this guy a second chance.  If the vocal minority are the only ones complaining, then I say why not give them the same punishment when they commit a mistake?  I would love to see them be punished just as harshly because they don't understand what it's like to be in front of a camera or microphone!

It was his first time, he was nervous as all hell, trying not to get it wrong and guess what? One mistake equals career execution!  Does that seem fair to you?



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Topics: Entertainment_Culture
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Locations: North Dakota




 
BJ'S BLOG 04/25/13 "Pictures of an Ex"
Yesterday during Group Therapy, we helped out a Rock-A-Holic named Oscar.

Oscar wrote in and told us that he has digital photographs of his ex girlfriends going back to the year 2000 and still has a few pictures on Facebook.


His current girlfriend is not happy about this at all. She wants him to delete all the pictures off Facebook…and his computer!

Oscar understands why having pictures of an ex on Facebook isn’t a good idea but he doesn’t think he should delete them off his computer. He would have no problem if his girlfriend kept a few pictures of her exes but he wanted to get the Rock-A-Holics opinion.  

I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends but I do still have a photo album somewhere with pictures of an ex of mine and myself at prom and a letter she gave me and that’s about it. The difference is, I don’t have these visible for the public to see like Oscar does on Facebook.

I believe we are living in a time where everyone thinks they can have everything and do anything they want to. I can see why his current girlfriend is upset; it’s disrespectful. If my wife had a problem with my prom photos, I wouldn’t have issue with getting rid of them.

If on the other hand, this is a newer relationship and you are not ready to let go of this stuff yet, then lock it up and keep it away from where she can’t find it but know this may come up again when the relationship gets more serious. 
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BJ'S BLOG 04/24/13 "Inappropriate Shirt"
Yesterday on the show, we read a story about how a man’s shirt got him arrested.

50-year-old Michael Miller from South Carolina was arrested after he showed up to an anti-sexual violence event at a public park wearing a T-shirt that said “I May Not Be Mr Right But I'll F*** You 'Til He Shows Up.”

Michael Miller, 50, was spotted wearing the sexually explicit T-shirt at Barnet Park in Spartanburg, where the 'Rock the Denim' concert was being held.

The live event was called 'Rock the Denim' and it raises awareness of sexual violence against women and support non-profits that help rape and child abuse victims.

When officers approached him and told him he is not allowed to wear that shirt in the park. He became irate and began cursing out and giving the finger to the officers.

After being issued a trespass warning, he was eventually arrested for disorderly conduct.
 
I talk about being an H-Hole all the time, which is a person who speaks the honest truth, but if you go to an event you don’t necessarily agree with and are disrespectful, you’re not an H-Hole at that point; you’re an A-hole. 

I can understand why a gender could feel unfairly targeted by this particular event, but at the same time, we can’t get upset over people wanting to hold an event to support victims of tragedies.

If you’re upset, leave the area! Why would you stay at an event with a shirt that trivializes sex with a woman at a place where women are trying to bond and heal over sexual trauma?
  
This is just useless drama…that was all brought on by himself. When you find yourself in a lot of drama…love in the mirror and see if you’re not the source, because most times…you are. 
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BJ'S BLOG 04/23/13 "Baby Names"
During Group Therapy yesterday, we read an email Jennifer wrote who was mad at her husband over a baby name suggestion! 

She is currently 39 weeks pregnant and the other day her husband and her were discussing baby names for their new daughter.  At one point he said a name that she quickly shot down because she once worked with a girl by the same name and she left a bad taste in her mouth.
 
Later, while talking to her mother-in-law, she found out that the name he suggested was the name of his ex-girlfriend! It was the girlfriend before her and they dated for three years. 

Jennifer wasn’t sure if this meant that he still had feelings towards his ex. 

I don’t know why her husband thought it was a good idea to suggest this name to her.  Why would someone consider naming their child after someone they dumped or were dumped by in the first place?  There is no way this could be some sort of dumb strategy to get the ex back, and if it is, this guy is a tool shed. 

I feel like this younger generation doesn’t have the same set of boundaries I, and possibly even one generation before them had.  Anyone thinks they can go anywhere or say anything but the truth is…you can’t. 
 
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BJ'S BLOG 04/22/13 "Freedom "
Friday on the show during Listeners on the Loose, a Rock-A-Holic named Rich called in.

In the wake of the Boston tragedy, there has been talk of implementing more cameras and how the IRS is monitoring Facebook to catch people committing fraud, so he asked what we thought about people “trading more freedoms for security.”  

Many people are up in arms because the government wants to put up more cameras on the streets and some people are afraid of “big brother” watching over us. 

The thing is…human beings are wonderful and they are also jerks.  The reason why people question giving away some of their freedoms is because some of the people in power could be corrupt and screw over innocent people.  

The trouble is, some “ordinary” people are given freedoms but also do a-hole things and then are not accountable for their actions. 

It happens with every level of society and it’s a big problem. There are many people in country who are physiologically disturbed and who could use therapy. Many of them project their issues on others and are not accountable for their own BS.

This is human nature; whether you have no freedom or a lot of freedom, a lot of human beings don’t want to be accountable for their own failures…which is the exact opposite path to real freedom.  
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Locations: Boston




 
BJ'S BLOG 04/19/13 "Naked Pictures"
Yesterday during Group Therapy, I read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Jason.

Jason has a female friend who, when she’s bored, will send him naked pictures of herself.  Normally that wouldn’t be a bad thing except she is in a relationship!

He admits that she is very attractive and even though he likes receiving the pictures, he has no interest in breaking up the couple so he could date her. He doesn’t know what he should do.

Here’s the thing, most heterosexual men like receiving pictures of naked women. This woman is not an honorable person because she is at the very least emotionally cheating on her boyfriend!  Why would anyone send a nude picture of themselves to someone who finds them attractive if not to get a reaction out of them?

Both her boyfriend and Jason should just walk away from this person and not say a thing.  Some women respond to reactions whether positive or negative so that’s why there is no point in any confrontation, simple say you’re out and walk away.

This is unnecessary drama and Jason shouldn’t be getting involved in that.
 
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BJ'S BLOG 04/18/13 "42"
Yesterday on the show, we read an email during Group Therapy from a Rock-A-Holic named Mercedes.

Over the weekend, her husband took their 9-year-old daughter to see the movie “42.”

For those who don’t know, “42” is a PG-13 movie about Jackie Robinson’s life story and how he became the first African American to play in the MLB.

Both Mercedes and her husband saw the movie first to see if they thought their daughter could handle it since it dealt with a lot of things like racism. 

After deciding that she could see the movie, Mercedes sat down with her daughter and explained how awful people were to Jackie Robinson and there was a word she would hear in the film (the n-word) that only awful and ignorant people use.

Their whole family loves baseball so they knew her daughter would love it, and she did!  After the movie, she talked to her daughter again about what she thought and she said that she hated how people treated Jackie Robinson and that should never use that word that they talked about earlier. 

The problem is some of their family, mostly Mercedes’s sister are saying that they are awful parents exposing such a young child to something like that and that they might as well start taking her to R-Rated movies.
 
Mercedes still stands by her decision but wanted to get our take on the situation.


First off, I’d like to say that her sister is being completely irrational. Does she not understand what PG-13 stand for? It means that there might be some content that might be too strong for kids but is ok with parental guidance. 

She didn’t take her daughter to see a explicit, gory, adult movie; she took her to see a movie that shows a piece of history of our country.

Not only that, but she did the responsible thing by not only viewing the movie beforehand, but she made sure she spoke to her daughter about it before and afterwards to make sure she understood the message.

I never was one for sitting down and reading about history so I think that movies are a great way to get those messages across especially to kids.

Mercedes and her husband did nothing wrong, it’s the people butting into their lives, like her sister that should shut up and mind their own business.   
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BJ'S BLOG 04/17/13 "Friend's with the Ex's Family"
 Earlier this week during Group Therapy, we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Erin who wanted to know if it was wrong for her to tell her husband that he can’t go to a certain person’s birthday party. 

Her husband has maintained a relationship with his ex’s father and even visits from time to time. They were friends before he started dating his friend’s daughter and he sees him as a fatherly figure. 

He was recently invited to his birthday party but it’s going to be at his ex’s house. Erin doesn’t think it is appropriate for him to go to this party. She understands they have a strong bond but she also thinks that a line needs to be drawn since he is now married to her. 

She told him that when he decided to date this man’s daughter, he took the risk of losing their friendship if the relationship didn’t work out. “


Erin wanted to know if her husband was out of line for keeping this friendship and wanting to go to the party of if she was for having a problem with it.

This is a tough one in my eyes because I see both sides of this situation.

On one hand, it can be viewed as disrespectful to have reminders of an ex around once you enter a new relationship.  On the other hand, we don’t know this guy’s story; he says this man is like a father to him which makes me think that maybe he didn’t have one around and really looks up to him.


I’m not going to trash this guy because I would be a hypocrite.


To this day, I have stayed friends with one of my brother’s ex girlfriends.  She was very good to us, my family loved her very much and at first it made my brother uncomfortable but it’s been decades since they dated.


If they were friends before the relationship and it has truly had a positive impact in his life, maybe an exception can be made.
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BJ'S BLOG 04/16/13 "Patton Oswalt Said it Best"
If you listened to our show this morning, you know I was really affected by what happened in Boston yesterday. My heart goes out to those impacted by this tragedy.

It was extremely tough for me to come into work this morning because of the senseless tragedy that happened at the Boston Marathon.

We mentioned this morning about how comedian Patton Oswalt wrote a powerful Facebook post regarding these events and I’d like to share it here.
 
“Boston. F***ing horrible.
 
I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I've had it with humanity."
 
But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.
 
But here's what I DO know. If it's one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they're pointed towards darkness.
 
But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.
 
So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."”


-Patton Oswalt 
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Locations: Boston
People: Paul Kozlowski




 
BJ'S BLOG 04/15/13 "Dodgers/Padres Brawl"
Last week ok the show, we talked about a brawl that broke out during the Dodgers and Padres game.  

During the game, Padres pitcher Zack Greinke hit Carlos Quentin with a pitch, and the two exchanged some words.

Quentin then charged the mound and started a full on fight that left Greinke with a broken collarbone.

Check out the video of the brawl here:




At the beginning part of the game, someone threw way inside on Kemp so we all knew there was going to be some form of retaliation to some degree. 


Here is the thing about baseball, throwing inside is a part of the game. The ball that was thrown at Kemp was much closer to his head than the pitch thrown to Quentin. 

Also, Quentin has the reputation of not moving out of the way for inside pitches. He’s been hit 97 times since the beginning of the 2008 season.

He is a plodding mass at the plate so for him to complain that someone is throwing balls at him intentionally is stupid.  He's just a slow moving, lumbering lump…that ball was not a problem and this whole fight could have been avoided.  Now Greinke is on the disabled list after Los Angeles signed him for $147 million and Quentin has been suspended for eight games…it should’ve been as long as Grienke is injured.   
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Topics: Sports
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Locations: Los Angeles
People: Carlos QuentinZack Greinke




 
BJ’s Blog 04-12-13 Wedding gift
Yesterday during Group Therapy, we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Brett who wanted to do something that some would consider insensitive.

His wife was supposed to be the maid of honor in a close friend’s wedding and spent $200 on the dress and they also spent $150 on a wedding gift. The problem is that the wedding that was supposed to happen next week was called off by the groom.

The first question Brett asked when he heard the news was if the bride is going to reimburse them for the bridesmaid dress and return the gift they bought and mailed through their gift register.

His wife said that she just had her heart broken and is having a tough time and it’s not appropriate to ask for that now.

He says that he’s cheap and wants the money back.

I don’t consider Brett to be cheap because to the average person, $350 is a big chunk of change. If money means something to you because you don’t have a lot to spend freely, then that doesn’t make you a cheapskate.


There is a lot to be said about spending money. If you don’t have the cash, people shouldn’t expect you to shell out for something like a expensive wedding gift. It is selfish to expect or look down on someone who can’t afford to buy a big luxurious gift for a wedding. People should only give what they can.
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BJ'S BLOG 04/11/13 "Hooters in Trouble"
Yesterday on the show, we read a story about a Hooters waitress that is suing the company!
Sandra Lupo is a 27-year-old Hooters waitress from Missouri. Last summer, she had to undergo brain surgery to remove a large mass. The surgery resulted in her having to buzz all her hair off.
 
The manager allegedly told her to wear a wig when she came back to work but she refused because it irritated her wound. Her hours were allegedly cut down to the point where she was forced to quit.

Lupo has decided to sue the franchise in federal court for violating the Missouri Human Rights Act saying that they discriminated against her disability.  Lupo's lawsuit alleges that her surgery wound constituted as a disability.

This is really a difficult situation for both parties. There are many occupations that do hire based on looks like acting, dancing, and Hooters is known for having attractive women as their servers.   
At the same time, I understand that Lupo needed to make money while she was healing.

I really think that we need a better system in place when someone is sick/healing and can’t work.

I’ve seen how some hospitals just push patients out the door before their ready and the sad truth is that they immediately have to go back t o work to pay for their medical expenses.

If we had a better system in place, Lupo could had rested, had more time to let her wound heal and not worry about how she is going to pay for her bills.



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Topics: Social Issues
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Locations: Missouri
People: Sandra Lupo




 
BJ'S BLOG 04/10/13 "Thinning Boyfriend"
Yesterday during Group Therapy, a Rock-A-Holic named Kim wrote in about an issue that men have been unfairly accused; a phenomenon that some women say hurts them. 

Her boyfriend of three years has been eating better and doing more cardio which has resulted in him losing a lot of weight. 

She says that he “doesn’t look good” and that people are constantly asking if he’s ill even though his physical indicated he’s fine. 

The real problem is that Kim a is a curvy girl and even though he says he loves her body, he fact that he weighs less, eats less, and wears a smaller size than her, is bring back all the feelings of feeling “big and unattractive.”  She says that these are issues she worked hard to get pasted but here’s the truth, if she had really gotten past them, this wouldn’t be affecting her in this way. 

She wanted to know if she felt like a horrible person because she was thinking about dumping her boyfriend because he is “way too skinny” now.

I have to thank her for writing in because at least she is trying to get some help but there is a lesson that needs to be learned here. 

How many times have we heard that a woman’s self image and self esteem gets low because of a man’s view on what a woman should looked like? 

Even though some men find the women on magazines to be attractive, we are willing to be with someone who doesn’t look anything like that because we know those women in magazines are not real. 

What it seems like to me is that there is more to Kim’s image issue then has to do with her boyfriend. 

This is a big issue and when some women want to blame men for their image consciousness, I say it’s not true on a global scale.  I know there are jerk guys out there who value only the physical but a lot of guys view the woman that they’re with to be a 10. 

Some women think men have higher standards then we really do; we don’t care if our girl is best looking woman in the world, as long as she looks good to us, that’s all we want. 
Managing self esteem issues is a lifelong commitment, it’s not easy to to get past something as deep as this.  Kim needs to seek counseling whether she stays with this guy or not because if she doesn’t get help with this, she will bring it with her wherever she goes in life.  Is that really any way to live? This isn't worth have loom over your life forever.   
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BJ'S BLOG 04/09/13 "Mike Rice"
Last week on the show, we talked about former Rutgers University basketball coach Mike Rice and the video that caused his firing.

Originally he was only suspended three games when a video surfaced of him berating, pushing, kicking, cursing and throwing basketballs at the players during practices.  Rice was later fired after ESPN's “Outside the Lines” aired several hours of the abuse.

For those who haven’t seen the footage of him being too aggressive verbally and physically with his team:




He later issued an apology and I have to give him credit for at least being totally accountable and contrite. I hope this starts a trend for people who really mess up.  

Here is the video of him apologizing:




When he gave his apology, he didn’t mitigate or make any excuses for his actions.

Here is the thing, I watched the video and because I was a child of the 60’s, this behavior is not out of the ordinary to me.  I say this because we are a culture that will changes its beliefs and mores as the years go by and this guy grew up, just like me, in a time where this was the norm especially in sports.

What he didn’t realize was that the world changed and he didn’t change along with it.
I’m not defending what he did and I’m glad that we do not tolerate this kind of behavior from a coach anymore but for someone my age, it didn’t shock me as much as the rest of the world.
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Topics: Sports
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People: Mike Rice




 
BJ'S BLOG 04/08/13 "Testing"
Last week during Group Therapy, we read a message from Adam who needed some serious advice!
 
Adam is getting married soon and even though he loves his fiancé, the thought of being with only woman for the rest of his life is “crazy.”


The other day while he was chatting to his fiancé about this, she told him that if the opportunity came up during his bachelor party, he was allowed to hook up with someone as long as he wore protection so he could get it out of his system.

On paper, he thinks this is a good idea but he’s afraid that this is going to come back and bite him in the ass later in life.

Some women are “in the moment” beings and you can’t always trust a decision made like this because it might change in the next moment.  
The other possibility is that his fiancé is doing what some other women do and that’s to put him to the test which I think is crap.

Biology has designed men to want to find women and procreate and that is an urge we have to carefully manage in this society.  To have someone say you can have something and then punish you when you do it is just ridiculous.

Men hate being tested by their women.  I’ve learned in seminars that some women have trouble trusting epically if they have been hurt in the past.  Men on the other hand, tend to look at a person’s track record and if they see that they haven’t done anything wrong, will have no trouble trusting them.
 
Testing a guy like this would be like testing a woman with shopping. Some woman love shopping and if I were to give one my bank account and told her to buy whatever she wanted and she did, it would seem ridiculous for me to get mad at her.
Would it be fair if I told her she didn’t pass the test and that she doesn’t deserve my trust with money because she proved she’s not financially responsible even though I gave her permission?


Women who “test” their significant others are insulting their men by doing so and it needs to stop.





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BJ'S BLOG 04/05/13 "Truth or Dare"
Yesterday during Group Therapy, Trish, a Rock-A-Holic, wasn’t sure what to do about the new piece of information she received from her fiancé.

It all started last weekend when her and her fiancé played a game of “Truth or Dare” with four other couples. 

When he said “truth,” he was asked what was the strangest sexual encounter he ever had and he admitted that it was when he hooked up with his roommate in college.  His college roommate is a guy!

She was completely floored and embarrassed when he said they made out and gave each other a “hand” and is considering breaking it off with him for fear of him being gay.

I’ve always hated this game! I don’t understand how some women like this game so much. This is really a chick’s game because no guy wants to play a game where he has to be force to lie so he doesn’t piss off his girl.

The only time some guys would want to play is if there is a chance he will get to do something fun with a girl.

Trish wasn’t being very smart when choosing to play this game.  First off, it never goes over well to discuss your previous sexual encounters with your current partner especially when there are eight other people in the room!

If you can’t handle the truth, don’t play Truth or Dare!


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Topics: Human InterestSports
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BJ'S BLOG 04/04/13 "Think Before Sex"
Yesterday on the show, we talked about what one guy did that led to him being robbed at gun point by a 16-year-old girl.


A 41-year-old man from Indianapolis had been talking to a 16-year-old over Facebook and they agreed to meet up at her friend’s house for sex.


When he arrived, he said that two men approached him and began beating him up and threatening to shoot him.


The two men went through his pockets and took his wallet, keys and phone. The group of two men and two women left in his car, went on a shopping spree with his credit cards while three other male teens with a gun held him in the abandon home for roughly seven hours. After the group returned from shopping, they returned the man's car to him and told him to leave.


No word if arrests have been made.

This guy is a jerk of a husband and an idiot for breaking the law, but this 16-year-old was also being an idiot for breaking the law and committing multiple felonies. They both need to be punished for their crimes.  


Maybe she thought this guy was getting what he deserved but it doesn’t mean she should take the law in her own hands…then break it!


What she should have done was set up a sting operation and trapped this guy legally so she could really be doing something for justice.  


What all men need to do is train themselves so that the "little head" doesn't rule their lives. Let’s face it, a lot of guys make the dumbest moves when they’re in sexual situations. They need their "big head" to be able to get in control when they get aroused.
 
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Locations: Indianapolis




 


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