BJ Shea

 BJ Shea
Posts from August 2013


BJ'S BLOG 08/30/13 "Dream Wedding Take Two "
Yesterday on the show, we read an email from Trista who wanted the Rock-A-Holics’ opinion on a problem she is having.   

Trista has recently started planning her wedding which will be next year. This is her second marriage; she got married when she was 20 but that ended a year later. She is now 28 and has been with her fiancé for three years.

Her parents said that they will once again pay for her wedding, but will only do so if Trista and her fiancé sign a contract that says if the marriage fails before the 4th year, they have to pay them back for the wedding.

She explains that her parents do well for themselves financially and wanted to know if anyone else thinks her parents are being crazy!


I have no one to blame but my generation because we helped raised this society where everyone expects a trophy, expects to be electecd  president one day andexpects to just have everything handed to them.

They expect to have their dream wedding for the second time all because mommy and daddy have money, which they probably made because they worked their asses off!

The reason most people have a wedding is for gifts and for the bride to feel like a princess for a day, but why not just have a small reception or just a nicer honeymoon instead? She already had her princess wedding and has no right to expect mommy and daddy to foot the bill again…sign the contract while the deal is still on the table.





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BJ'S BLOG 08/28/13 "Strip Club Issues"
Yesterday during Group Therapy, I read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Glen who was having an issue with his future son-in-law.

On Monday he was out celebrating a recent promotion with some coworkers at a strip club. Things were going well then after an hour and half of being there, he noticed his daughter’s fiancé at the strip club…alone! On top of that, he got three lap dances in a row while there!

He says he isn’t a prude and thinks strips clubs are fine for bachelor parties, birthdays, or even promotions (which was why he was there in the first place) but he thinks it’s odd that a guy would go by himself on a Monday afternoon. This hasn’t settled well with Glen and is wondering if he should talk to his daughter or his future son-in-law about it since they will be walking down the aisle in six weeks.

If I was in Glen’s place, I wouldn’t have an issue with him being there but I may be concerned about the financial ramifications.  How often does he go to the strip clubs? Also, if he gets frequent lap dances that can really put a dent in their budget.

Also, the other thing he has to think about is how is this going to affect his daughter if he tells her because not only will he be telling her he saw her boyfriend receiving lap dances but she will now know her dad was at a strip club as well. Does she really need to know all this?


Glen can pull this guy aside and as long as nothing inappropriate is happening or he’s not spending money he doesn’t have on this, it shouldn’t be a problem. 
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BJ'S BLOG 08/27/13 "Annoying Ex"
Yesterday during Group Therapy, I read an email sent to me by a Rock-A-Holic named Jodi who was in need of some advice.

She explained that she is a single mother of a 5 year-old girl and has been divorced for 2 ½ years. Her ex still tries to get her into bed; the only problem is…he’s engaged to be married in a year!

Jodi wanted to know how she should handle it and if she should get his fiancé involved.
I have no tolerance for a man that is an imbecile with no boundaries and no honor. I don’t understand why a man would want to get married when he still intends to have sex with other women. There wouldn’t be an issue with me if he was single and was trying to rekindle something physical but he’s engaged to another woman!

Unfortunately this guy is still a part of her life because of their daughter but that being said, Jodi needs to make sure she’s firm with him and tell him that if he asks one more time that she will inform his fiancé.

Sometimes guys get the wrong impression because some women say things nicely and try to be polite but there is no room for “nice” here. No one should have to put up with something like this and it should end immediately. 
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BJ'S BLOG 08/26/13 "Names"
Today's blog comes from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:
 
“Daffy Duck Crushed to Death Rushing in Front of Car to Save a Penny,” or “Jane Smith Crushed to Death Rushing in Front of Car to Save a Penny.” Who will get the headline?
 
“Dr. Oz Saves Pedestrian Hit by Car,” or “Nurse and Pedestrian Save Woman Hit by Car.” The media feeds off the name. Maybe it’s true any publicity is good publicity, even if it’s not true.
 
The story is that a pedestrian first applied a tourniquet using a belt; a plumber, second on the scene, assisted; and a nurse who did not give her name or want credit took charge, called for ice, made another tourniquet, and then the Wizard showed up. I mean Oz. Now I have nothing against Dr. Oz. I have no idea if he knows what he’s talking about or sells snake oil. I do not watch Dr. Oz. I will assume he was on the sidewalk after bolting out of his office to help, not to speak to the reporters, pushed by some PR person. My issue is the media. “Dr. Oz Saves Pedestrian Hit on the Sidewalk”-- that’s the way the headline I saw read, and I am sure there were many I did not see. Headlines got my attention and yours, but what about the truth? “Nurse and Pedestrians Save Woman…” I’m not sure if we eat fodder because it’s fed us, or fed us because we eat it. However, we are truly star worshipers, and I bet we’ll hear about Oz for almost as long as the play has run, but how about the forgotten bystander, the plumber, and the nurse? Names, please?
 
Elmore Leonard! There’s a name to be reckoned with. Never heard it? What about Get Shorty? Elmore Leonard has been called the master of his genre, the Dickens of Detroit, the Chaucer of Crime. Everything he wrote from the mid-1980s on was a bestseller, and every fan of crime stories knew his name. George Clooney was an admirer. So were Quentin Tarantino, Saul Bellow, and Stephen King as well as millions of ordinary readers. Elmore Leonard died Tuesday, August 20th. We easily recognize the names John Travolta, Gene Hackman, Rene Russo, and of course Danny DeVito from the movie. I hope some will also remember the name Elmore Leonard. Elmore Leonard wrote more than 45 novels, many that were turned into screenplays. Maybe the best known wasGet Shorty.
 
Names, names, names. You have a name, I have a name, and we do not need to make names for ourselves or live in the shadow of someone else’s. We only need to recognize ourselves and those around us as being as important as Daffy Duck. Or as Shakespeare wrote: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose / by any other name would smell as sweet.”
 
Nurse?
http://dbsanders.podbean.com/2013/08/25/daffy-duck-and-and-oz/
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BJ'S BLOG 08/15/13 "Texting"
Earlier this week, we received a text from Carla, a Rock-A-Holic who needed our advice during Group Therapy.

She explained that her husband has been getting these texts and jokes from their daughter’s 19-year-old friend…and some of them are sexual. They are not really personal except for the fact that she is sending them to her husband. 

Carla is not worried that he is going to cheat, but when she brought up how inappropriate it was to her husband, he blew up! He said they are just jokes and there is nothing wrong with it! She wanted our opinion on the subject, is she overreacting or is this really inappropriate?

I want to know what the hell has happened to men! Where have all the honrable men gone? The men who understand boundaries and understand and appropriate behavior?

NO! You don’t have any sort of exchange with your daughter’s friends especially if they involve something sexual!

We also need to be teaching young women that don’t understand the concept that when they communicate with a guy about anything sexual, it makes them think you are interested in them.

This activity should stop because not only is this guy disrespecting Carla, he is disrespecting his daughter. 
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BJ'S BLOG 08/14/13 "Buck Up"
Earlier this week on the show, we read a text we received at 77999 from a Rock-A-Holic named AJ.

He texted in asking for our help; his best friend is getting married but the problem is AJ doesn’t like who his buddy is getting married to because she he thinks is “horrible”. According to him, she’s controlling, is constantly starting arguments, and he just doesn’t see them together for very long.

AJ wanted to know if he should put on a smiley face and go to the wedding or if he should tell him that he is not going because he thinks he’s making a huge mistake.

This is another example of what the sensitive new age movement has done. We no longer have men who buck up and do the things they need to do.

This is a successful paradigm for anyone. Whether you’re in business, the military, or anywhere there is a consensus of ideas, whatever gets decided on, even if it’s not your idea, you have to do it. That’s a part of being a strong man, is doing things you may not want to do, and the women in your life will appreciate it.
 
 
 
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BJ'S BLOG 08/12/13 "Geeks"
Today's blog comes from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:
 
Something I have always admired about certain people is that as they grow older they embrace and learn from the present and future instead of dwelling in “Oh the good old days” mentality.

As I wrote a few weeks ago, I have started to seek out and learn from what is going on in today’s world--the fads, the trends, the music, movies, games, and more.

Sometimes it gets a bit confusing, especially in the lingo of the times. For example, when I was in school, the last thing I wanted to be called was a Geek, and if you were one of the bright kids you also wanted to be a cool kid and to be called a Geek was not cool. However, in today’s world to be called a Geek is embraced by many of my friends who proudly fly the Geek flag.

This word “Geek” comes from English dialect geek, geck; from Low German geck, fool, freak; from Middle Low German, the two words that flash out to me are the words “fool” and “freak.” I can assure you that none of my friends are fools, though most are by contemporary definition pretty freaky. “Freak” is another word that has passed through a number of definition changes over the years. In historical usage, the word "freak" is used to refer to a person with something strikingly unusual about their appearance. There was a time when “Freak Shows” had things like two-headed DJs and worse. This usage dates from the so-called freak scene of the 1960s and 1970s, and the term “freak scene” was used to describe a slightly post-hippie and pre-punk style of bohemian subculture. In today’s usage many are happy to be considered freaky, perhaps to be thought of as anything other than what is accepted in today’s screwed-up world, as “freaky” simply may mean not part of the mainstream.

For a while in the relatively recent past, “Geek” and “Nerd” were used interchangeably, but the meanings quickly diverged. “Nerd” is a derogatory term for a person who is intellectually knowledgeable or bright but socially inept. A Geek can be a Nerd, but I am not sure a Nerd can be a Geek. Most of my friends are socially ok, that is if you consider walking through a small town dressed up as a Dalek to be socially ok. If you do not know what a Dalek is, ask a Geek, not a Nerd, as Geeks are very knowledgeable about many trends, movies, comics, and so on. My Geek friends can tell me why a Zombie cannot have two heads, but they may not know who Alex Rodriguez is.  By the way, I just found out that zombies are actually ghouls, and a ghoul is a (folkloric) monster associated with graveyards and the consumption of human flesh, often classified as the undead. The oldest surviving literature that mentions ghouls is likely One Thousand and One Nights. The term was first used in English literature in 1786, in William Beckford's Orientalist novel Vathek, which describes the ghūl of Arabian folklore. I love starting the day learning something.

A very good friend explains part of the phenomena of what I will call Geek-dom, which includes those kids who were into the less popular things such as comic books and cult movies, instead of sports, music, and sex. Those Geeks stuck with the things they loved, and today are a nation, The Geek Nation. The recent ComicCon event in San Diego is thought by some to be the biggest convention in the world. 

There is so much for us elders to learn from the people we so-called cool kids made fun of many years ago. I am happy to have some of them as friends and will keep absorbing a wealth of new customs, thoughts, and language.   Stay tuned.
 
http://dbsanders.podbean.com/2013/08/11/geeks-ghouls-and-zombies/
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Topics: Human Interest
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Locations: San Diego
People: Alex RodriguezDan Sanders




 
BJ'S BLOG 08/09/13 "Injured or Faker?"
We'll be back Monday with regular blog, but here is a past blog to keep you occupied until then! 

During Group Therapy, we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic named Lori who wasn’t sure what to do with someone at her gym who might be doing something illegal.

Lori recently saw a woman at grocery store that goes to her gym. They both takes the same yoga class and she sees her run miles on the treadmill.

When she was at the store, she noticed the woman park in a handicap spot and pulled out a handicap placard out of her glove compartment and put it on her rear view mirror. 

Since she has seen her capably able to work out, she found it odd that she had a handicap placard.

Lori wasn’t sure if she should say anything to this woman while at the gym because it has been bothering her that she thinks she doesn’t need the placard.

We all know a person who has to deal with the day to day challenges of living with a disability and it irritates us when we see a person using a parking spot who doesn’t need too. 

Let’s be honest, aren’t we all also mad at them because they are getting away with something that we are not allowed to do? It’s not fair that they have the same capability as the rest of us yet are doing something we would get punished for. 

The way I see it, we don’t know if this woman actually has a real condition, so it’s best everyone mind their own business and if she is doing something illegal, hopefully karma will catch up with her in a big way.   

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BJ'S BLOG 08/08/13 "Kids and MMA"
The whole show is still in Chicago at a radio convention, so here is a past blog to keep you company:

A while back we talked about a new sports craze for children that have some people worried.  
 
MMA (mixed martial arts) has been popular for a while, but ESPN the Magazine reports there are currently 3.2 million kids under the age of 13 taking part in MMA schools.
 
The videos of these little kids really going at it are a little disturbing, but I think it’s because I’ve just been indoctrinated to think that way.
 
CNN interviewed a mother named Bernadette Thone, who lets her son participate in a league.
Bernadette said in the interview that no sport is exempt from injuries and that she can’t let her own fears keep her son from doing something he is good at. She also went on saying that martial arts is about respect, courage, and good sportsmanship, all of which her son can carry with him for the rest of his life. 
 
How she explained this is exactly what I would want any mother to say about their boys. I feel like this matriarchal society is over coddling today’s little boys but I agree with everything this mother had to say. 
 
 
 
I think MMA is awesome and teaching kids martial arts has always been a good thing because it teaches them about the honor of physical interaction. It is a great code for them to live by and if they have a great sensei, they have the potential to become amazing human beings.  
 
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Locations: Chicago
People: Bernadette Thone




 
BJ'S BLOG 08/07/13 "Panhandling Scam"

We are currently in Chicago but here is a past blog to keep you busy! 


A while back, we talked about a Kentucky man named Gary Thompson who pulls in $100,000 a year…by panhandling! 

Gary rolls around in a wheelchair because he says he has difficulty walking and also pretends to be mentally handicapped to get sympathy and money!

In the video, he is confronted by a news station and he shows his “panhandling voice” and his real voice: 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm3Xwq1Llis

Since then, he has been arrested and is currently in jail.

This is why I don’t give my money to panhandlers. Americans don’t want to hear that because some people get a high when they think they've helped someone in need. There are chemicals in their brain that make them feel good when they have done something charitable. People are doing these nice things for the “high” more so than actually helping someone. 

This is why I’ve always called BS when someone is bragging about their charitable work; they are feeling good doing it. It’s those who suffer and really sacrifice that I give credit to, not the average person who gives a few bucks to a person on the streets, just so they can feel good about themselves.    

There was a study a few years back that I read that said that 50%-75% of the people begging for money on the streets are scamming you. 

I think it is absolutely stupid to give money to the homeless on the street. I’m not saying don’t be charitable or to not help the downtrodden, but why not put your money where you know people are going to do the right thing with it? Go to a charity like Northwest Harvest where they provide food to people who need it!

If we really want to help the homeless, we should start a government system where we put them in one of three places, a homeless shelter where they can get food and a place to sleep, a mental institution, or rehab. This way, they will be getting the help they need and they won’t be on the streets.  

 
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Locations: ChicagoKentucky
People: Gary Thompson




 
BJ'S BLOG 08/06/13 "Sexting"
Last week, a Rock-A-Holic named Blair texted us at 77999 with a question regarding the Anthony Weiner situation.

She didn’t see what the big deal was and wanted to knowwhy people were bashing his wife for staying with him after it was revealed that he was sexting other women.

Blair explained that she lets her husband sext women he meets online because she knows it won’t go any further since she is aware of what’s going on. She said that she didn’t think it was that big of a deal but wanted to know if we thought the whole situation was crazy.

First off, I don’t know what type of things she lets her husband do but I know that everyone has a line. Anthony’s level of sexting was very graphic; it wasn’t “harmless flirting.”

If Blair really doesn’t have an issue with this and they have a good relationship, it shouldn’t matter what others think. The fact that she wrote into us asking if we thought what she was doing was “crazy,” tells me she might not be as okay with this as she thinks.

There have been cases where some women do extreme things to keep their men. They may even compromise their own values and ethics to keep their relationship going, which is something you should never do. What’s the point of trying to stay in a relationship with someone if you just have to betray your own belief system?  
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BJ'S BLOG 08/05/13 "Learning New Things"
Today's blog comes from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:
 
 
Every week, we learn something new, something we had never known before. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes something sad, or interesting. And hopefully something that somehow affects us in an overall positive way.
 
Unfortunately, we sometimes learn and see things, we wish we had not. My question is: once we know there has been an evil created, a mass murderer, land mines exploding in war zones, suicide bombers, and a never-ending string of the most atrocious scenes imaginable. Once we have seen this relating to the same story, why does media keep showing us the same scenes over and over again ?  The reason  they keep showing us is because we keep watching it. Why do we keep watching the same gory pictures over and over? Maybe it's detachment. It’s almost like another movie or computer game. "Wow! Dude look another zombie just got their heads blown into hamburger" That is, until it hits home and the detachments end; it hits nearby, and not some place miles and miles away. There is a “grave” difference between seeing pictures of the Boston Marathon bombings. And seeing what happened on TV and standing maybe five blocks or two blocks or directly in front of the exploding pressure cooker. We see too many of those same stories and I do mean the “same” stories run over and over. And not enough of (silly as they are) like the stories below.

I liked the recent story about Simon Cowell. The headlines read "He’s’ Going To Have A Baby" I guess that’s almost as interesting as, "Simon Cowell Got His Best Friend’s Wife Pregnant". By the way, I get the byline on that one. I’m also wondering if Simon and his best friend look alike, if so, why tell?
 
I also found out this week that Superman may be Jewish. I’m not going to run the list here but here is a fascinating link. http://www.forward.com/articles/178454 . It makes a lot of sense, especially the first two reasons given. Here is a quote from part of the first reason “ Superman’s creator, Jerry Siegel, acknowledges in an unpublished memoir that he was strongly influenced by anti-Semitism he saw and felt, and that Samson was a role model for Superman.” So this week I had it reinforced that evil is ugly. Over and over again I was told that.

But! The good news is. It doesn’t matter who really saves the world from evil, Christen, Jew, or great white buffalo, as long as it gets saved. By the way, with 21 million grossing on opening days "The Man Of Steel" could spread the wealth and really help the world. The other thing I learned this week is that Simon Cowell is really superman.
 
I'm not sure what's in the pod cast right now, I haven’t done it yet. 
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People: Dan SandersJerry SiegelSimon Cowell




 
BJ'S BLOG 08/02/13 "Red Flags"
Yesterday during the Lukewarm Topic, we read a list that was complied during a discussion on the website Reddit.com about “the subtle relationship red flags that people always overlook”


Here are some of the top Red Flags:
 

1. The other person uses ultimatums to get their way instead of compromising.

2.  They don't want you to be friends with their friends.

3.  Your friends and family HATE them. 

4.  They put you on a pedestal.  It's great at first, but it means they're not seeing the REAL you, just an idealized version . . . so the only place to go is down.

5.  When you start to have more bad days together than good days. 

6.  They always have generic or bad excuses for why they don't call, or text, or come by when you're expecting. 

7.  They talk about how all of their exes are crazy.  If someone thinks everyone ELSE is crazy, THEY might be the crazy one.

Here is what I think, don’t ignore any deep down feelings that could be a warning sign of a bad situation. Also do whatever it takes to have good self esteem. If a person has great self esteem, they will get to the point where they don’t need anyone; the people in your life will then be additions, not necessities.


Some people are lazy and don’t want to change things in their lives even if it makes them unhappy like staying with a person that is not right for them instead of moving out and getting into a better situation. Never compromise your beliefs just to stay in a relationship with someone who makes you miserable…life is too short for that.
 
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BJ'S BLOG 08/01/13 "Miserable People"
During Group Therapy yesterday, we read an email from a Rock-A-Holic, who went by the name “Kate” to protect her identity; and once you read her situation, you’ll know why. 

She works in customer service and had to deal with a coworker that was condescending and never nice to her. The reason she doesn’t have to any more is because after a difficult day of dealing with this coworker, she decided to have a few drinks which lead her to writing an email that got this woman fired! “Kate” logged in to their corporate website and sent an email pretending to be an angry customer this coworker had helped. In the email she wrote that the coworker had a terrible attitude, gave bad customer service and that she would never return to the establishment again. 

After receiving this fake email, the general manager came in and fired the “terrible coworker.” “Kate” feels horrible but knows that if she confesses, she might get fired as well! She needed advice on what to do.

This is something that hits really close to home because something very similar happened to me and I was the one left without a job. 

I can’t believe or understand why people would go and do something like this; it is the type of response that is just beyond me. Yes the coworker wasn’t probably the best to work with but the punishment did not fit the crime… “Kate” killed her career! 

Not only did “Kate” cause ridiculous amounts of stress to this woman’s life but also to the higher ups in the company! 

If you’re the kind of person who would write an email like this after “a couple of drinks”, I’m thinking that you’re the “condescending and never nice” coworker.

Good people don’t respond this way! That is the problem with the country; we let our ethics get so compromised because things are not going the way we want and then do things that are really out of line!

People who have done something like “Kate” did deserve to be treated the same way. If she doesn’t own up to this and take accountability, it will come back to bite her! Someone is going to treat her miserably because miserable people like her do miserable things and have miserable things happen back to them. 
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