According to a new study, women are faster than men when it comes to breaking up with someone.
On average, a woman will take 6 days of thinking before pulling the trigger on a relationship. Men, on the other hand, have a tendency to think it over for much longer; their average time is a full month. I can actually see how this leads to some confusion for women, because they can usually tell when something’s going in a guy’s head, and a whole month of hemming-and-hawing is ripe territory for miscommunication.
This is the age of the casual relationship, so there’s probably some room for debate when it comes to the definition of “breakup.” Whatever the case may be, it seems like women are probably going to come out considerably quicker on the draw overall.
I’d love to hear what you think about this, gang! Do these numbers match up with your personal experience? Do you have any thoughts on why women might end things first? Ladies, do you need 6 days to think over your answers to these questions? Guys, do you need a whole month? Honestly, I’m not sure if we have that kind of time…
The Rock-A-Holics are a loyal and trustworthy lot…well, except for that guy in the back. Oh, and I didn’t see you there, ma’am. That couple who just walked in? You can’t trust ‘em as far as you can throw ‘em, but I don’t have much upper arm strength, so maybe that’s unfair.
We need to open up some Group Therapy for Danny, who is looking for feedback from any Rock-A-Holics who are surviving an affair. Danny’s wife cheated during a rocky part of their marriage, but he feels like anybody can make a mistake, even one as a serious as infidelity, and he’d like to give their marriage another shot.
Danny’s friends think that he should dump her, but he’s not ready to give up. His wife also wants to keep the marriage going, so there’s no question about the willingness of both parties. Danny would love to hear your advice and stories, successful or otherwise.
BONUS HONESTY POINTS: Have you ever been the cheater in this scenario? How did you rebuild the relationship after your own indiscretion?
Hello again, gang! You know I hate to brag, but I believe we may have the best Group Therapy in the “not backed by any licensed therapy training or similar education” category. Plus, it’s absolutely free advice! That’s good enough for me, so I hope that’s good enough for you.
Speaking of bragging, that’s our topic for the day! I know, I know…we’re pretty clever like that.
We heard from a Rock-A-Holic named Bill, whose wife made him very mad by posting a single sentence on Facebook:
“I flirted to get out of a speeding ticket.”
Bill claims that he has no problem with the flirting, because he already knew about it. He claims the real issue here is that his wife was bragging about flirting, and he thinks that’s disrespectful to their marriage.
After you recover from being shocked that someone didn’t like a thing they read on Facebook, maybe you can share your thoughts with us.
Do you think that Bill’s wife’s post showed a lack of respect for her relationship?
Do you believe Bill is really okay with the fact that his wife flirted to save herself from a ticket?
BONUS HONESTY POINTS: Have you ever flirted your way out of trouble?
Today's blog comes from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:
Seattle is the home of the current super bowl champions. I say current because sooner or later my New England Patriots will revolt and rebel and take back the coveted crown of blood, cuts, and broken bones.
I’ve traveled extensively in the U.S, but I’ve never been to Seattle. I love the north coast of the West Coast, and Oregon has one of the most beautiful coastlines in the world. I have been as far north as Klamath Falls, just north of the California border and just south of Crater Lake National Park, a truly beautiful area.
If you ask my friends in Seattle what else Seattle has besides the Seahawks, they might say, what else do we need? If you’ve never heard of the FISH! Philosophy, perhaps you have never talked to a trout or salmon or your company doesn’t know, or want you to know, about it. The FISH! Philosophy is commonly used to improve the culture of an organization, and it began at Pike Place Fish Market in—you guessed it—Seattle!
Walking through the Pike Place Fish Market, you might find yourself dodging fish of various types—trout, pike, salmon—all flying through the air, launching from one station and landing safely in the arms of a fishmonger at another station. The flying fish in the Pike Place Fish Market have not grown wings but are being hurled by fishmongers from one to the other to help bring a happy, fun sport to what must be an otherwise cold, boring job. There are variations on the flying fish idea since it would not be a good business practice, for instance, for bank tellers to be throwing stacks of $50 bills around (although if you find such a bank, let me know), but the basic idea is to not only be productive at work but to have a hell of a good time doing it. I’ll talk more about this in the podcast, but here’s a warning: if you try bringing fun and weirdness to your job, your coworkers might view you as strange, to say the least.
In the podcast, some thoughts on the Tonight Show along with whatever else pops into my almost totally unrehearsed and flying-fish mind. I hope you will join me on the shores of Rambling Harbor. Just click the link and come ashore.
Hello again, good people! Gather the family around the laptop and enjoy some Group Therapy with us, won’t you?
We heard from a Rock-A-Holic named Thomas, whose daughter was cheated on by her boyfriend. They’re both 23 years old, but they’ve been together since high school. Needless to say, there’s no small amount of heartbreak involved with this situation.
The daughter has dumped her cheating guy, but they still continue to talk. Thomas doesn’t like the idea of his little girl being hurt by someone she loves, but he also feels like this may be a useful life lesson in the long run.
On the other hand, the boyfriend did his cheating in a mean, hurtful way – and that has left Thomas with some lingering bad feelings. He’s been fighting the urge to call the boyfriend and tell him off.
At this point, Thomas is really looking for feedback from anyone who cares to share. Speaking as a parent, I can tell you that I get as defensive as the next guy when it comes to my daughter’s emotional happiness…but I’d like to hear your thoughts on this particular situation.
Do you think Thomas has the right to get involved in this matter? Is telling the boyfriend off going to have repercussions down the line, especially if the daughter takes him back? Have you ever faced a situation like this?
You are cordially invited to the wedding of FRANK and FRANK’S GIRLFRIEND. If you’d like to attend Frank’s bachelor party, please be prepared for bars and strip clubs. It’s that final Guys Night Out that every soon-to-be-married man has to face on his way to the altar. There will be excessive drinking and lewd behavior. GUARANTEED.
(Sounds like a perfect evening to share with your future father-in-law, right?)
So, here’s the Group Therapy lowdown, in case we aren’t being clear:
Frank is getting married in 3 weeks. As you might expect, he’s going to have a wild night at the bars and strip clubs for his bachelor party.
Frank is definitely looking forward to the debauchery, but he’s starting to think that maybe he should invite his future father-in-law. After all, dad-in-law is a “guy’s guy”, and the two men have formed a close relationship over the last ten years. The old man gave Frank his first job after high school, and his blessing to marry his daughter! Frank considers him a true father figure.
That’s all well and good, but…speaking as a father, I have ZERO desire to be involved with something like that. Not with my son, and not with a future son-in-law. Maybe that’s just me, though.
Is it weird to invite your future father-in-law to your bachelor party? Has anyone ever done that, and lived to tell the tale afterwards? Let’s hear it, folks!
We’re back with another Group Therapy blog, specifically designed to get you all hot and bothered!
(One second, please, we’re getting new information…)
OH! Sorry, folks. We have just received word that this blog is specifically designed to not bother anyone. We sincerely hope that you are not bothered already. We have Rock-A-Holics who need your help!
We’re going to see if we can help Natalie today. She finally hooked up with a guy that she’s liked for a while, and everything was going well…
…but then he took off his shirt.
The problem isn’t his body, which Natalie says is great. No, the instant turn-off effect was triggered by this guy’s huge tattoo of Rocky & Bullwinkle. You know…the cartoon moose and squirrel? He’s got ‘em on the front of his body, and Natalie wasn’t in the mood to watch cartoons.
Natalie asked if anyone else has experienced that kind of instant mood-killer. What turned you off? How did you handle it? I can’t wait to hear your tales of turn-off terror!
Today's blog comes from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:
I’ve been sitting and thinking and browsing the Internet, trying to decide what to write about this week. What has inspired me to anger, laughter, sadness, or happiness? I’m not a winter Olympics fan, though I am amazed by ski and snowboard jumping. The other day, the Olympics were on TV at the same time as the Grammy Awards’ “Salute to the Beatles,” in honor of their 50th anniversary. I watched the first hour of ski jumping and the last hour of the Beatles celebration. I figured the first hour or so of the celebration would be a history lesson I already knew, but when I turned to the Beatles party, I was totally blown away by 71-year-old Paul McCartney, who is still on fire with his voice, his attitude, and his performance. I don’t know how you feel, but I think Paul still has it, and maybe in some mystical way is better than ever.
After that, I decided to drop in on my friends at KISW, “The Rock of Seattle,” and read a few blogs over there. Steve, the producer I'm just getting to know, goes by the letters STP, AKA Steve the Producer (not to be confused with STP, an additive for racing cars) and has great blogs all the time. And then there’s my buddy BJ Shea. BJ and I go back to when he was a kid trying to break into comic book stores.
One of the great survival tactics radio people have is this: if they screw up in one state, they can just move to another one and change their name. I know people who have moved so many times they are waiting for a new state so they can move again. BJ has moved so often he carries his birth certificate to remind him who he really is, but he’s a brave and good soul who runs my blogs and links my podcast at KISW every Monday. As for me, the greatest greeting I ever got—from a fellow radio gypsy meeting me for the first time—was, “Dan Sanders. My god, you’ve been around forever.”
There is more on radio, music, sports, and whatever else pops into and out of the dark dusty recesses of my mind on the shores of Rambling Harbor. Give a listen.
Here at Group Therapy, we’re giving out little candy hearts that say things like SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY and YOU’VE GOT ISSUES. After all, isn’t honesty the best policy when it comes to interpersonal relationships?
Well…it is sometimes.
Janet is a Rock-A-Holic who needs help with a situation that could easily turn into a nightmare. She was talking to a longtime male friend on the phone recently, and he confessed that he’d had a sex dream about her. Janet is really wishing that he hadn’t told her about the dream, because she’s not only friends with him, she’s also close to his WIFE. Oh, and the happy couple recently had a baby, too!
A sex dream about a friend has no real meaning to Janet, but this guy went into specific detail, and she felt like they were having phone sex (although it sounds like he may have been doing all the talking.)
The whole experience has left Janet feeling disturbed and confused. Should she tell his wife? Was he even telling the truth, or maybe making an attempted pass at Janet? Is this something she can just ignore, and hope that it never comes up again?
Bonus Question for HONESTY POINTS: Have you ever lied about having a sex dream in order to figure out if the person you’re telling is interested in hooking up?
Sharpen up those pencils, class! Group Therapy is now in session, and there will be a quiz on today’s topics.
(Can you imagine if we really did have a quiz to see who was paying attention during these blog sessions? By the way, what were we just talking about? I was distracted by something shiny. OH! It’s the internet. So, what was I doing?)
We heard from a Rock-A-Holic named Greg, who is frustrated with his son’s college work ethic, or lack thereof. The kid goes to school in Phoenix, but he stays in touch with Greg.
Recently, Greg jumped in and helped his kid with a paper about the Beatles (who are celebrating The 50th Anniversary of their American Arrival.)…but dear old Dad’s enthusiasm took over, and Greg ended up writing most of the paper for his son. You can argue the merits of that situation until the sun comes up, but another problem soon reared its head:
The paper was too good, and the teacher recognized that it was well above the kid’s usual level. The teacher confronted Greg’s son after giving him an A-grade for the assignment. Worried that he might damage his academic career, Greg’s son took credit for the paper…but now he feels guilty about it.
Greg is fully aware that the situation is wrong at the base level, but he feels like a confession would only make things worse. His standpoint is simple: as long as the kid learns a lesson and doesn’t repeat the mistake, this matter can just stay in the past, and no one’s reputation or academic standing has to be affected by it.
Have you ever faced this situation, either with your own children, or through firsthand experience during your school years? How did you handle it?
If you have any comments and/or advice for Greg, please pass them along. When you’ve completed the blog reply, put down your No. 2 pencil and wait quietly for further instructions…
There’s definitely a winter chill in the air, but you can always warm up with a visit to Group Therapy! We’re helping out a steaming-mad Rock-A-Holic woman named Joanna today, so feel free to huddle around the fire of her text-message rage, folks!
Joanna’s boyfriend has been getting texts from his ex-girlfriend, and Joanna isn’t happy about it. The boyfriend actually showed her one of the texts, in which the ex says she wants to meet up to return his shirt. That seems nice enough, right?
Well, maybe not. Joanna’s man and this woman have been apart for a year now, so it’s not like returning the shirt has been a priority for anyone. Plus, this woman says she wants to visit Joanna’s boyfriend’s kids “because she misses them.” Did I mention that the mother of these children is obviously neither the ex-girlfriend nor Joanna?
Joanna thinks that the ex-girlfriend is trying to steal her man, but the boyfriend says there’s no problem. I can’t help thinking that this guy doesn’t take much time between his relationships, if he has a current girlfriend…an ex from one year ago…and kids from at least one previous relationship! That’s not a crime, but it’s worth taking into consideration.
What do you think Joanna should do? Is this automatically a bad situation, or is Joanna rushing to judgment? What kind of “talking to exes” rules do you keep in your relationships?
Today's blog comes from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:
Few actors are true chameleons. Chameleons can morph from who they are to who they play almost imperceptibly, carrying you into the world they have entered as they take on the personality, movements, voice, and even the looks of another person. Meryl Streep is one, with roles ranging from Streep’s first feature film role in Julia (1977), to a lonely middle-aged Italian farm wife in Iowa in The Bridges of Madison County, to Julia Child in Julie & Julia, very different roles that she blended into so beautifully you might not know you were watching the same actress. Another one was Philip Seymour Hoffman, who disappeared into Truman Capote in Capotein 2005. I felt I was peeking in on Truman Capote, not watching an actor.
I’m watching (again) the TV show Almost Human, and it is starting to get interesting. The reappearance of an XRN combat android means a lot of trouble for the police. Kennex the agent and Dorian the almost human android seek the aid of Dr. Nigel Vaughn, played wonderfully by John Larroquette. Dr. Vaughn created the combat android, and also created Dorian. They seek the doctor’s help in locating the murderous but beautiful android played by Gina Carano, who has no speaking part but runs around making hamburger out of everyone she meets. She is not a nice girl. However, the real issue is not the machine-gun-blasting combat android, but Dorian’s conflict. The same person, Dr. Nigel Vaughn, who created the bazooka blowing android, also created Dorian. The doctor assures Dorian that it was just a malfunction in the combat android, and that Dorian has nothing to worry about, but Dorian is not so sure, and this is where the meat of the mystery starts. Imagine meeting your creator and asking, what went wrong with that one and will it happen to me?
Have you heard about the James Webb Space Telescope, NASA's next flagship space observatory, expected to be launched in 2018? It might be able to see the origin of the universe. Imagine—could it be?—we might meet our creator, like Dorian.
It should be an interesting stop at Rambling Harbor this week as we discuss these and other way-out-there things. Stop by and give a listen.
It's been a memorable week for the city of Seattle, but pretty much everyone else on the planet had a chance to revisit some of their own memories, courtesy of Facebook's new "Look Back" video feature.
It's a nice enough feature - cheesy music aside - but a Rock-A-Holic named Mark saw something he didn't like in his wife's video: photos of her with her ex-boyfriend. She says she didn't even realize she still had them on her page. Keeping them in her public photo section allowed the "Look Back" program to select them for the video.
Mark is pretty fired up over this, and the whole thing makes me wonder: What are your thoughts on social media, and the way that so many aspects of our lives are catalogued and retained for others to access? Do we have an obligation to erase our past whenever we have a new partner?
Group Therapy is in session once again! If you have a problem, but you don’t have the time or money to invest in a properly licensed and educated professional, you can always reach out for advice from us. Rock-A-Holics helping Rock-A-Holics! That’s what it’s all about!
(No, we’re not going to do the Hokey Pokey…well, not today, anyway.)
Ellie has a new neighbor in her apartment building. She’s a nice enough person, but she’s VERY LOUD. You know the type, right? Honestly, they tend to stick out like sore thumbs here in the Northwest, where people live at a slightly lower volume. 12th Man, you are an exception to this point, and we love you for it.
Having a high-volume neighbor can be a problem, especially if you have an otherwise friendly relationship. The real downside to Ellie’s issue has to do with a specific variety of loudness; yes, I’m talking about the lush audio experience of listening to your neighbor in the act of getting it on.
Ellie says her neighbor’s concert-level lovemaking noises are so loud and exuberant that she needs headphones to avoid sharing the experience. It’s driving Ellie crazy, but she doesn’t know how to address it; in fact, she’s not sure IF she should address it.
I think we’re all familiar with this scenario. I don’t ever want to hear Ellie’s neighbor, but I’d love to hear your thoughts…
Group Therapy is cool, but this just doesn’t have the same feeling as chanting “Seahawks!” It’s a great time to be a citizen of Seattle, and a football fan to boot! The bird is the word, folks! We did it! The Lombardi Trophy goes to the Emerald City, baby!
You must be wondering how this all ties into Group Therapy…
A very excited Seahawks fan named Travis reached out for some help, because his wife doesn’t understand why he has a serious case of post-Super Bowl euphoria. Travis contacted us in the hope that his wife, who rides in the car with him in the morning, would hear some testimonials from his fellow 12s and Rock-A-Holics and maybe that would help her start to see why his love of football – and a Seattle victory – are so important.
Everyone is passionate about something. It doesn’t matter if your thing is sports, or cars, or Doctor Who, or salsa dancing. We love what we love, but it’s not always that easy to make others see the appeal of our particular passions if they don’t understand them firsthand.
I’m not sure if anyone convinced the wife that this is a big deal, but we always try our best to help. At the very least, maybe Travis’s wife can appreciate the sense of hometown pride that comes along with a Super Bowl win for the local boys.
Speak with the voice of the 12th Man, and give me your best defense of Travis’s position!
Today's blog comes from one of my mentors, Dan Sanders:
In late fall of 1958, as a very young boy, I saw armed cars and tanks and soldiers marching through a city. I saw them from the back seat of a car. The city was Little Rock, Arkansas, and school integration had begun.
Just a few years before that, I saw my dad leave work as a Geiger counter was circled around his body. My dad worked in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, on the Manhattan Project. The Geiger counter was used to see how much radiation he had picked up during the day.
A few days ago, Sister Megan Rice, with others, was convicted of sabotage for last year’s break-in into the nuclear weapons plant at Oak Ridge, a symbolic act to draw attention to America’s stockpile of nuclear weapons that they believe to be immoral and illegal.
For eight days in 1968, protesters and the Chicago police fought in the streets during the Democratic National Convention at the International Amphitheater. Ever been chased, shot at, and tear-gassed? It helps to sing as you run. I know. I was there.
Pete Seeger, the man who produced the soundtrack for much of the civil rights, peace, and human rights movements, passed away at age 94 on January 27. On October 21, 2011, he was still going strong as he took part in a solidarity march with Occupy Wall Street in New York City. He walked along singing and smiling, aided by two canes. His heart and spirit were still strong, but his body was failing him, this man who loved the outdoors.
In 1969, four years before the first Earth Day, Pete Seeger started another cause, cleaning up the Hudson River, with the construction of the sloop Clearwater, and over the next four decades, he and his boat were instrumental in undoing years of pollution, a success many thought impossible.
Perhaps we all have many parents. Parents are more than teachers. They make us feel love and give us strength, nurture the spirit as well as feed the mind. In that fall of 1958, I didn’t know Pete Seeger, but ten years later in Chicago I did, and he helped me overcome fear, not just through his music but his actions.
As peace activists in the 1960s, we nonviolent protesters faced the bayonets and clubs and would often sing “We Shall Overcome,” “Where Have All the Flowers Gone,” “Which Side Are You On,” and more.
Thank you, Pete Seeger, for being a parent, teacher, singer, and activist. You still help me overcome. As we lose more and more people like you, the void I feel grows larger. Where have all the flowers gone?
There’s more on these and other stories on the shores of Rambling Harbor. Give a listen…