The Alzheimer’s Society just issued a statement suggesting that if you’re lucky enough to live to the age of 75, you should be tested for dementia. If, by chance, you believe that the words you’re currently reading are from a birthday card, you should get tested TODAY. The American Cancer Society suggests that ALL men should start getting an annual (and anal) prostate cancer check- up by age 50… age 40 if you’re at high risk. Now, over in England, children at the ripe old age of 11 are being required to figure to take a survey to figure out whether or not they’re gay. Click here for the story That’s right, they’re asking fifth graders to determine whether they’d rather watch ‘Project Runway’ or the UFC. Naturally, some people have a problem with this. Speaking of tests, last Thursday on the show, we took a 10 question citizenship test and discovered that while we’re citizens, we probably shouldn’t be. But that’s OK, everyone on the road has passed their driving test… yet there’s little evidence of it on the road. And of course, there are all manner of jobs out there that require a drug test, or a background check or a lie- detector test, etc. Seems like everything requires a test these days except, unfortunately, the things that most of us believe should require a test. That’s our question: WHAT TEST SHOULD BE ADMINISTERED, WHO SHOULD TAKE IT AND WHY?
Tea Partiers… general American history and tests of political philosophy. The ‘political philosophy’ test wouldn’t be to test THEIR philosophy, it would test to see if they know the difference between democracy, communism, socialism, Marxism, etc
Gamers… daily hygiene test; if you don’t pass, you can’t play
Politicians… lie- detector tests. What’s the point? Personally, I think we should run congress like jury duty
Genetic tests for future parents… they already do it
Believes that EVERYONE should be tested for mental illness… don’t you think we’d ALL be labeled mentally ill given enough tests?
Body- fat tests for anyone buying a bikini or Speedo
Age 55, everyone should be required to retake the driving test
Telemarketers should be tested on English diction… I don’t usually care about that kind of thing, but if YOU call ME to try to sell me whatever garbage you’re pushing, then yea, learn how to communicate
A ghetto test… everyone likes to tell you that they’re from the streets and grew up ‘hood and all the rest of that dumb sh*t, but now there would be a test to determine how ‘hood you really are
The interpretation test… this is brilliant; it’s a test you’d take as you enter a relationship to determine if you know what your significant other ACTUALLY means when they talk. For example; “Do I look fat?” What they’re REALLY saying is, ‘compliment me’. If you ask what’s wrong and the response is “nothing”, what they’re REALLY saying is ‘I’m mad at you’.
An I.Q. for politicians… again, what’s the point?
Drug tests for anyone receiving welfare… absolutely! How is it that you may have to take a drug test to EARN money, but we’ll just f**king HAND it to you and you can get as high as you want? How has no politician put this simple equation together?
Silver spoon test… if you haven’t had a job by age 20, you’ll be forced into manual labor for 6 months
Random drug tests in high school… leave the kids alone. That’s up to the parents to police that kind of thing. We all survived our school days, I don’t think the kids today are need all the coddling. They’ll survive… just like WE did.
OK bitches, time for me to head to the great beyond… I mean HOME, not the afterlife.
Until tomorrow, touch but don’t taste and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”