SHOW # 1497 MAY 11 2012

'Stand up straight', 'speak clearly', 'keep your reputation clean'... according to European researchers, those three pieces of advice, generally passed down by your mother, are the three main life lessons that, if followed into adulthood, will ALSO get you dates... which we know better as 'nookie'.  In other words, of all the things your mother told you (and if she's like most women, she said A LOT) those three things, in particular, were the most timeless and relevant.  Thing is, pretty much everyone got that advice.  Hell, even your teachers, friend's parents and perfect strangers told you the same thing.  With Mother's Day coming up on Sunday, we're all supposed to remember all the great things our mothers' have done for us... and that's fine, but let's be honest, you take the good with the bad.  So, while you buy her some sappy card showering her with all the 'thank you's' and 'love you's' that you buy her EVERY year, we asked to you come clean today and answer today's question:  WHAT IS THE BEST OR WORST ADVICE YOUR MOTHER EVER GAVE YOU?
Away we go:
Marry the girl you got pregnant... now he's divorced, lost half his crap AND paying child support, instead of JUST paying child support
Don't drink... he didn't listen and spent 7 years in jail after a particularly rowdy alcohol- fueled evening
Accept every job offer after college and then pick the one you want... became career suicide when word got out that he committed to about 12 different jobs and let 11 of them down
While he was living in a half- way house, his mother got him drunk, resulting in him spending the rest of his probation behind bars
Just last year his mother came to visit him on Mother's Day... he had an ear infection, and even though he's an adult, mom was there to take care of him and broke out an old- school remedy; a fifth of brandy and garlic in his ear... the result was a terrible hangover and an infected ear that reeked of garlic for 3 weeks
Best advice:  never get married/ worst advice:  if you ever have to choose between your man and your kids, pick your man because your kids won't always be there (???)
Worst advice:  don't have pre- marital sex
When he was 15, his mother encouraged him to throw eggs to blow off some steam... one went over a fence and hit a cop car.  Things didn't end well
Best advice; don't drink, smoke weed instead
Don't try any drug that requires needles
And finally, worst advice:  plead innocent and represent yourself/ best advice:  don't ask her for legal advice
OK bitches, have yourselves a wonderful weekend.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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05/11/2012 5:31PM
SHOW # 1497 MAY 11 2012
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05/17/2012 10:07AM
Very funny Thrill
My best advice from my mom "Be happy in life"
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