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About 2 weeks ago in Pierce County, a few residents called 911 swearing that they'd seen a TIGER roaming around their neighborhood. Naturally, the authorities responded with caution (because they were looking for a f**king tiger), but after finding no signs of it, the assumption was that people only THOUGHT they saw a tiger. Whether they THINK they did or they ACTUALLY did, it's a story they'll share for a long time. Meanwhile, about a week ago in Canada, a guy was in an outhouse trying to drop a deuce. This is usually an uneventful and private exercise, so imagine his surprise when a black bear kicked down the door and dragged him outside by his pants. It mauled him a bit but the guy survived. Still, you know, come on, can a brother take a sh*t? Then, today, we hear that an army of very large and poisonous, yet unidentified spiders descended on an Indian village and have been attacking people. Sure, bears and tigers are scary, but the idea of an "army" of spiders is just wrong, man. I don't like it, but that's just me. Today we wanted to know: BIG OR SMALL, WHAT ANIMAL HAS WREAKED HAVOC IN YOUR LIFE?
"Big ass centipedes"... he was raised in Hawaii and he never got used to the.... because they're GIANT CENTIPEDES
When he was in Alaska, he was chased down by a moose... I've heard that story a million times and the one thing they ALL have in common is that it happened in Alaska
Fire ants... when she was growing up in Texas, her then- 2- year- old brother sat on a fire- ant hill... they crawled into his diaper and created as much fun as you'd expect
Cockroaches... grew up in Texas and hates them
A raccoon stared at him through a window when he was 10- years- old... I don't know why, but that simple story made me laugh
Tarantulas... used to live in Arizona and they would hang out in the backyard all day. They don't move, To this day, they freak her out. Yea, tarantulas are f**king creepy
Green tree snakes in Vietnam... 18 inches long and lethal... thing is, they rain out of the trees
Taking a dump at a campsite, discovered there was a bees nest IN the outhouse and got stung 75 times while pooping
Was attacked by cow earlier today... it's calf season and he got a little too close to a youngin... mama wasn't having it
There was a moth in his ear when he called us today... flew in last night and died there. He can't get it out, went to the doctor's office but doesn't have insurance so they did nothing. They recommended the emergency room, but he "has a thing about hospitals", so he won't go. Dude, no one likes hospitals because no one ever goes for a GOOD reason. Here's the thing; you have a f**king moth in your f**king ear... get it out.
Filled a gopher hole with acetylene... blew up a yard and cracked a house in half. Seriously
OK bitches, happy Monday to ye!
Until tomorrow, slap it, tickle it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"