SHOW # 1559 AUGUST 30 2012

BBC News magazine recently ran an article about procrastination, which is defined as 'putting off or delaying or deferring an action to a later time'... or, basically, being a lazy- ass.  Anyway, the article generated a huge response from readers who started coming clean about their own worst cases of procrastinating.  The stories ranged from leaving up their Christmas tree until SEPTEMBER, to NOT cashing an $8000 check to a guy who took 16 years to install shelves in his kitchen... as he'd promised his wife.  Actually, he didn't actually do it.  His wife was pregnant when he promised and it was his son who finally did it... when he was 16.  To be fair, I was supposed to install a shelf in our laundry room about 3 and a half months ago and I just haven't done it.  It's not that I haven't had time, and it won't take long or be very difficult, but I find ways of avoiding it anyway.  Like most procrastinators, I offer up the hollow reassurance that "I'll get to it"... and I really might... but probably no time soon.  I know I'm not alone and that leads to today's question:  WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO, BUT HAVE NOT?
I have a list about a mile long, but, I'll share it later.  As for you:
Needs to change the oil and BRAKES in all THREE of his vehicles... I think he'll be dead soon
Has to have sex... he turns 30 soon, had a girlfriend, but never went "all the way".  Well, then you didn't have a 'girlfriend', you had a friend that was a girl
Needs to update his tax information and include his wife and kid as dependents
Needs to actually CHECK his engine, since the 'check engine' light has been on for THREE YEARS
Needs to either get a divorce OR 'bang' his boss.  If you bang your boss, trust that the divorce will follow quickly
Needs to let his girlfriend know about his wife... or his wife about his girlfriend
Needs to learn Filipino to communicate with her Filipino husband... she bought Rosetta Stone in January... it's almost September
Getting a driver's license... it was suspended 20 YEARS AGO!  He's still driving, but not legally
Needs to fix his toilet... it's been leaking for 6 months
Needs to set up his 401k... been at his current job for 9 months.  DO IT!  It's worth it.
As you may or may not know, we recently ran a contest for someone to redesign our 6- pack packaging.  Lots of very, very cool submissions, but alas, we had to select one winner, and the winner is a guy by the name of Nick.  Nick, essentially, recreated our likeness... but we all noticed one peculiar element; Miles' hairline seemed a bit, I dunno, 'futuristic'.  Miles has a fairly healthy head of hair, but in Nick's mock- up, his hairline seemed to start somewhere in the middle of his head.  This was not lost on Miles, who posited that maybe, just maybe, the artwork could be re-worked in such a way that that he doesn't appear to be balding.  Well, Nick graciously obliged and offered us this 'updated' version:


OK bitches, I'm outta here.  It's been swell.  Does anyone say that anymore?
Until tomorrow, watch where you put that thing and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"


08/30/2012 5:31PM
SHOW # 1559 AUGUST 30 2012
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