Tonight is the night; two well- financed liars with a hidden agenda will go toe- to- toe in a televised event that is sure to insult your intelligence, make your blood boil and provide absolutely no insight into either man's true intentions. That's right, tonight is the Presidential 'debate', where Mitt Romney and Barack Obama provide all manner of double- talk, subterfuge and misinformation under the guise of a 'debate'. Let's fast-forward to the inevitable future; tomorrow morning, every "nerws" outlest across the country will discuss the results of the so- called "fact checkers" and they'll let us know that both guys are completely full of sh*t... but then, you know that already... we hope. Anyway, we decided that we would conduct our own debate today. This is how it worked; we provided the topic per caller; they told us what side of the fence they stood on and the debate began. It's the GREAT MEN'S ROOM DEBATE... BUT NOT ALL THAT GREAT!
Here are some of the very, very important topics we covered:
Texas BBQ vs Carolina BBQ vs Kansas City BBQ
NFL vs College football
Pooping vs Sex
Length vs Girth (she chose girth, by the way, so celebrate or commiserate accordingly)
Twilight vs Hunger games vs 50 shades of Gray
Condom or no condom
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese vs Velveta Shells and Cheese
Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam or Nirvana
Sex, Drugs or Rock and Roll
Chicken wings or nachos
Boobs or butt
Intelligent brunette or dumb blonde
Family Guy, south Park or Family Guy
Crunchy Peanut butter vs Creamy Peanut butter
Was any of this important? Well, f**k no, BUT, unlike the farce you may or may not experience tonight, everyone was honest.
OK bitches, I'm outta here so that I can watch anything OTHER than the Presidential debates.
Until tomorrow, shake your money maker and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"