So, last week, David Petraeus resigned as head of the CIA and the top man in Afghanistan... which isn't all that unusual following a Presidential election. However, we later found out that his resignation wasn't about political tumult or being burned out on America's longest war. No, we (not much later) later found out that he was having an affair and it was about to be made public. There's more to it than that, of course, but at its root, the situation is based on vagina. John Edwards, Ah- nold Schwarzenegger and Elliot Spitzer were all heard mumbling "amateur". Meanwhile, giant chocolate bear and Tyler Perry look- a- like, Kevin Clash, a.k.a., Elmo, is in a sex scandal of his own. His involves penis, but it's a 'scandal' nonetheless. Kevin is accused of having a sexual relationship with an underage boy several years ago. Kevin admits that that he shared the occasional sausage sandwich, but he insists that their relationship happened when the accuser was an adult. And let's face it, Elmo attracts adults! Either way, Elmo is knee- deep in sex controversy. Sex scandals take down many- a- powerful man... or puppeteer... but for the average person, sex 'scandals' don't go public, but they can still be a headache. STD's, unexpected pregnancies... she was married... today we wanted to know: WHEN DID SEX DO YOU WRONG?
Got the clap the first time he had sex... welcome to the world of sex
Got a foot cramp during the act, hopped off, hit his head on a table and gave himself a concussion
Just last week he was having sex with his wife in the hot tub... ended up throwing his back out
Not circumcised... got extra 'frisky' and tore his foreskin. Seriously man, that makes my flesh crawl
Had a one night stand with some broad nicknamed the "Asian Alien" and she ended up stalking him. You see, she wanted to find a man to marry and he was her first
Having sex, his woman had an 'arm spasm' and punched him in the nose. Got a nose bleed but kept going anyway
On leave from the military, found himself some broad who left TEETH marks in his junk
Just as he was climaxing, a moth flew into his ear and settled in next to his eardrum... he had to go to the doctor to get it out
Doing some bondage stuff and the woman he was with "forgot" to pull out her METAL fangs and almost bit his d**k off
SIT AND SPIN
Soundgarden released their long awaited album (as in 16 f**king years) "King Animal". It came out today and Jolene treated us to a bulk of the new album. Awesome. Here's a link:
OK bitches, I'm outta here to celebrate my daughter's 2nd birthday. And by 'celebrate', I mean drink my face off while she plays with new toys!
Until tomorrow, shake it, take it, break it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!