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It's cold outside and a lot of us have pets. Well, a survey conducted inexplicably by Morton Salt (???) suggests that 25% of dog owners will let the dog go to the bathroom IN the house when it gets cold outside. The survey didn't specify HOW cold it had to be before 'Fluffy' was given the green light to crap on the floor, but we're guessing that these pet owners are less concerned about Fluffy being chilly than just using the cold as an excuse to be super- lazy. Speaking of lazy, if you're like me, mornings are the worst. Ask me nothing. I know I’m not alone. The average person hits snooze for 14 minutes after their alarm goes off... then it takes an additional 36 minutes to really feel awake. In other words, it takes most of us about an hour to feel awake after waking up. Rise and shine, my ass. That's probably why mornings are more about 'routine' than 'production'. It's the perfect time to not get around to that thing you don't feel like doing. Maybe mornings are your excuse, maybe it's the weather or maybe, just maybe you admit that you're just plain lazy. WHAT DO YOU PUT OFF JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE LAZY?
Laundry... this got the most votes today, but there were different methods of laziness; some people just don't wash their clothes, some won't fold them, some just won't do their socks and others just buy new clothes
Fix his car... there's all manner of things wrong with his car and he won't get to any of them
Shaving... says that when he gets close to ZZ- Top status, he'll trim up, but that's it
Going to the store... doesn't stock up on anything
Never buys toilet paper... just uses McDonald's napkins instead. Says he goes to McDonald's about once a week and grabs a handful of napkins. After his call, we got a text from a lady who admits that she used fast-food napkins too... something we didn't wanna know... but unlike the caller, she's not loyal to Mickey D's; she'll wipe her ass with a napkin from anywhere. Sexy!!!
She just puts the garbage outside of the door and waits for her husband to take it out
He's always lazy with yard work... not too uncommon, but he owns a landscape company
He slacks when it comes to taking his kids to see Santa at the Mall. Here's the thing, he has two sons- a 7 and a 3- year- old. Every year, his wife hands him cash and sends him to the mall with the kids so that they can see St. Nick... and every year, our dear caller drops the kids off at the sister- in- laws house and then goes to the bar and drinks alone... using the money his wife gave him to pay for drinks. He's gotten away with it every year (for the last 7, anyway) including just recently. Father of the Year? Probably not, but I couldn't stop laughing.
Cutting his toenails... just doesn't get around to it
Still hasn't set his clocks back an hour for the very stupid Daylight's- Savings- Time. Daylight's- Savings- Time was six f**king weeks ago!
OK bitches, the weekend is here. Tomorrow night at the Central in Pioneer Square, the Drunk- in- Charge (Ryan Castle) and I will be performing with Super Jelly (Kyyle from Superfeckta, along with Frank and Andy from Jellyneck) at the 11th Annual All- Star Porn Jam. Starts around 8 and we will be there drinking until we have to play. Then we'll play and return to drinking... because that's how we are. At any rate, join us. Should be a good time and it raises some $$$ for a good cause; PAWS and Northwest Harvest. Yea, sorry, porn has nothing to do with it other than the name.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"