Happy Monday, bitches. It's Random Question day and I never review all of the different Q&A that goes on with that... and today is no exception.
Instead, I'll take this opportunity to pay homage to Raymond Lee Cox. Who is Raymond Lee Cox? That would be my uncle who, I found out early this morning, died a little earlier in the morning. Raymond was "that" uncle... the one who required an explanation/ warning before you introduced him to someone. He had a head of cement and a heart of gold. You know the type. Here are a few examples of the cement head/ gold heart scenario:
He was a pall bearer at a close friend's funeral and was the only one of the six coffin carriers not in a black suit. Worse, he was in a green suit. Who even owns a green suit? Anyway, his brother (my other uncle) pulled him aside and read him the riot act for looking so ridiculous at a serious event. Raymond responded that he'd let a friend borrow his one black suit. The 'other' uncle wanted to know just who the f**k he lent his suit to, so Raymond pointed at the casket.
More recently, he decided that it was of the utmost importance to him to buy a Christmas gift for my daughter when she was born. At her first Christmas, she was about 5 or 6 weeks old... and THAT'S why Raymond bought her a $25 gift card to Red Lobster for her. (???)
However, this is the same guy who gave me $10 toward the $11 purchase of a sh*tty tape recorder when I was about 8- years- old. See, I wanted to be on the radio back then and all of the other adults laughed it off as a phase, but Raymond ponied up the bulk of the cash so that I could pursue this whole radio thing. That's what I remember about him most. Maybe he didn't have a head of cement after all?
Alright bitches, I'm done for the day. Bunch of phone calls to make and such.
Until tomorrow, high- 5 the handless and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Former Rolling Stone bassist Bill Wyman recently confessed that the band used to forge each other's autograph. It wasn't a joke they were pulling, it was a time management thing anytime they could sign stuff out of public view. So, if you have autographed Stone's memorabilia, but you didn't see them sign it, it may have been signed by A band member... 5 different ways. That's OK, according to a new survey (there's always a 'new' survey) one- in- four women aren't sure that the man raising their child is actually the father. Ironically, on a first date, 68% of people worry about making sure that the other person really is who they say they are. And, apparently, more than half of people who attend music festivals go for the sex and drugs... not the music. So, maybe you've faked a degree or lied on your resume or maybe you're NOT an astronaut... today we wanted to know: WHAT ARE YOU OK WITH PEOPLE BELIEVING ABOUT YOU EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT TRUE?
Yeaaaaaaaaa... for the third of the five days of WEED WEEK! here in the Men's Room, I was the lucky winner to have their name drawn. So like Monday and yesterday, I did today's show stoned outta my mind. Little better prepared than I was yesterday... which is ridiculous since I was stoned Monday too. Anyway, for me personally,WEED WEEK! has been outstanding. Hope you enjoyed it too.
The weekend is calling my name, bitches.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Maybe you remember the Taco Bell employee who was fired recently after pictures were posted on-line of him licking a stack of taco shells. Taco Bell, for it's part, says they're fairly reassured that the picture was just a prank and "that none of those shell were served to customers". Maybe. I worked in restaurants for 12 years, and in my experience... Well, now it's Wendy's turn for this kind of thing. One of their employees was photographed drinking a Frosty directly from the machine. He's been fired... understandably... but these things happen, and they happen more than any of us would be comfortable knowing. The reason we don't hear about it is because most people don't photograph themselves doing it. We all have examples from our own pasts. IF IT WAS ON VIDEO, I WOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED FOR THE TIME I DID __________.
Smoked weed on the roof of the restaurant he managed every Sunday... during brunch
Sold weed and gave free gas to buddies when he pumped back in Oregon
Would have been fired the time he nailed the boss's 16- year- old daughter on his desk (he was 17 at the time)... while the boss was out having lunch... with his wife
Had sex with a random chick in the liquor room at a club he worked at... on duty. Wouldn't have gotten fired for having sex, he would have gotten fired for having a woman under the age of 21 in the liquor room
Masturbating in the break room
Sucked all the nitrous out of the whip cream at the bowling alley he worked at
Got a hand job from a temp at his previous place of employ
She worked as a receptionist and if things were 'slow', she'd sit at her desk and masturbate. I'd hire her!
Worked as a cable installer and once took a sh*t in someone's back yard during the job
There were plenty more stories but, frankly, it's getting late.
Oh yea... I was the stoned one today as we continue the celebration we're calling "Weed Week". Little crazy at the top of the show, but once you start flowing, it's all good. Or maybe I just think that. Too high to know.
Until tomorrow, keep it stinky and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So, we've all heard that inmates make license plates. I don't know if it's true or not, but it's one of those things you always here. What you DON'T hear are the OTHER things inmates make. Ever buy lingerie from Victoria's Secret? There's a chance that an inmate made it. Seriously. Are you in the military? There's a very good chance that an inmate made your uniform. We have a list of 10 products you didn't know were made by inmates, and true to it's title, we didn't know. However, it got us thinking; almost everyone has some secret ability that most people don't know about, whether it's being able to tie a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue or being able to belch the alphabet backwards. Today we wanted to know: WHAT SECRET SKILL OR ABILITY DO YOU HAVE?
Aw sh*t. Man, I totally spaced today, amigos. My bad.
According to a new study, women aren't fully mature, mentally, until age 32, while us guys don't fully mature until age 43. I'm not entirely sure I agree the working definition of 'immature behavior' provided by the study, but maybe that's because I'm immature. Based on the study's list, immaturity can be summed up as 'losing one's sense of humor', and/ or 'losing the desire to have fun'. Regardless, it seems that most of us reach that point by a certain, average age. Ever been told "act your age"? If so, you can answer today's question: WHAT IS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF HOW YOU DON'T ACT YOUR AGE?
He's 24 and still wants to egg houses... on some level, I completely understood, but then he added that he wanted 'relive the high school days' and it just became sad. I don't say that as an insult, I say that because it really was sad
He's 38 and still gets blackout drunk from time to time. I'd like to say that's immature (maybe it is) but I can relate
He's 23 and loves cartoons
25 and loves Disney films... not Pixar, mind you, but Disney. I didn't like Disney flicks when I was a kid. They sang too much. Hate musicals. Don't know why, but they make me angry.
43... enjoys the playground; swings, jungle gyms and the monkey bars in particular
His 6- year- old nephew lives in a vegetarian household... but that didn't stop him from taking him to McDonald's to enjoy the processed wonders of fast food. The kid LOVED the french-fries... and ate them until he puked. Kid's mom was not pleased
Had his car painted to look like a Transformer... he's 38, and the car in question is his everyday car. Then we found out that he ALSO has a 'show me your t*ts' bumper sticker... so we let him know that the bumper sticker might be worse than the car
Dry- humps his wife A LOT. Gotta admit, that makes me smile
Just watched the Transformers cartoon... on DVD
21 and has already QUIT drinking. Started when he was 14- years- old and went hard
SIT AND SPIN
In honor of "Weed Week" here in the Men's Room (it was Ben today, by the way) Jolene brought us the 'Greatest Stoner Albums', according to Rolling Stone. I think the folks at Rolling Stone would know. Just sayin'.
Anyway, here's a link to the stoner soundtrack:
Alright bitches, that's it for the day. I enjoyed your company.
Until tomorrow, rise like the Sun and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Today is Monday, so we did the Random Question... so, as is always the case, I'll just ramble on about something else entirely.
Oh yea... it's "Weed Week" on the Men's Room all week. Each day before the show this week, a name will be pulled at random from a hat (it's a cup, actually) by a random person. Whoever's name is pulled will get completely baked before we go on the air, and then we'll see if you, dear listener, can figure out which one of us is stoned to the bee- Jesus.
See, on Friday's show, I had the f%$king hiccups as we went on the air. When I get the hiccups it's a 2 to 3 day affair, and the only thing I've discovered to get rid of them is weed. Thing is, I try not to get completely baked before we go on the air. After I mentioned this, Miles asked, "would anyone be able to tell the difference?" To find the answer to this profound question, we came up with "Weed Week"... explained above.
So today was the start of it, and as luck would have it, MY name was pulled from the hat (which, again, is really just a cup). Anyway, as I write this, I'm very, very, very stoned. Word is, I partook of Alaskan Thunder- F**k.
Anyway, I'm high and it's been awesome. Just finished a bag of Doritos.
A statistician at North Carolina State University decided to analyze different words and/ or pronunciations that different parts of the country use to describe the same thing. You already know most of the words and have probably had arguments of your own. Is it 'CAR- mill' or 'CARA- mel'? Is it 'pick- ON' or 'PEE- can'? Why do some people call it a 'faucet' while others call it a 'spicket'? And is it a 'rotary', a 'traffic circle' or a 'roundabout'? In honor of bassist Chris Squire and his dope- ass bass line, I call it a 'roundabout'. Do you drink soda, pop, soda- pop or 'a coke'? For the most part, how you say anything depends where you were raised, how you were raised and when you were raised. Today we wanted to find your inner hillbilly or urban trubador and find out WHAT DO YOU SAY DIFFERENTLY... AND WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?
Thanks to my mother, I've always called 'oysters', 'oySH- ters'. Finally getting a handle on that.
As for some of you:
Crayons is pronounced '
Almonds... pronounces it 'AH- mands'... blames his father
Mountain is pronounced 'mou'in'... and I have no f**king idea why
He's from Louisiana ("looosianna... ah, ah, ah!") so instead of a 'Laundromat', it's a 'wash- a- teria' and he doesn't go to the supermarket to 'get groceries', he goes to 'make groceries'
A large amount of something is a "grip"
Has always pronounced 'thrift store' 'DRIFT store'... his mother is Swiss, so it's her fault
As his wife is from Dallas, he says "howdy y'all" and any non- alcoholic beverage is 'a coke'
From Hawaii, so he calls flip- flops 'slippers'. also hear people call them 'thongs'
Referring to the car or the large cat, he says 'jag- you- arr' as opposed to 'jaguar'
OK bitches, the weekend is here and I'm ready to get it started. Tune in next week when the Men's Room 'goes green'. It's an experiment we're gonna try to see if you, the listener, can identify which one of us, on any given day, is stoned to high heaven. Good times.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
117 years ago today, in 1896, two bored fishermen, George Harbo and Frank Samuelson, decided that they wanted to see if they could ROW across the Atlantic Ocean. No motors or sails, just elbow grease. It took 55 days, but they completed the 3000- mile trip from New York to England. If you watched the 'Billboard Music Awards' last month (sorry) you probably saw Miguel (whoever he is, exactly) stage- dive during his performance and crush some broad in the audience. Apparently, he'd been practicing his stage- dive during rehearsals, but when it was 'go- time', he screwed it up and now faces a possible lawsuit from the 'injured' woman. As a rock purist, I'd argue that if you PRACTICE stage dives, you're not someone who should stage- dive. Save that kind of thing for the professionals. Meanwhile, in Arizona, a teen is recovering after breaking both of her feet and being confined to a wheelchair for the next few weeks. See, her friend jumped off of a roof and into a pool. She decided to give it a try too... problem is, she landed feet- first on CONCRETE... missing the pool altogether. Her mom videotaped the whole thing and posted it to YouTube. And if the rumors are true, Leonardo DiCaprio had sex with seven different women during the Cannes Film Festival. If it's true, we're guessing that Leo did it specifically because he could... and sometimes that's the best reason of all... and sometimes it's the worst. WHAT DID YOU DO JUST TO SEE IF YOU COULD DO IT... AND COULD YOU DO IT?
Jumped off of a bridge into a river at night... something I wouldn't do unless I was trying to avoid the police
Jumped off a roof and into a pool at the country club he worked at... made it successfully, however, he still split his head open. Turns out that water, while more forgiving than say, concrete, still hurts
Jumped off the Mountlake Bridge to impress a girl... he's done it a few more times since then, but on his last attempt, he very nearly landed in a canoe
Asked out a bikini barista... she threw a coffee (iced) in his face as a response
Jumped off of a roof into a trampoline... bounced OUT of the trampoline and slammed into the ground
Tried to do a wheelie on his father's motorcycle... didn't work so well, and by 'so well', I mean, 'not at all'
Renewed his drivers' license... glued on a fake beard and wrapped a turban around his head... and it is the CURRENT picture on his license. He sent us a picture of it and it is priceless. One of the funniest things I've seen. Makes it better because he's blonde
Attempted to take pictures of bears in their natural habitat... ended up being chased by the bears
Wanted to see if a car could tow him while he was in his wheelchair. Well, yea, the car could easily tow his wheelchair, however, his wheelchair couldn't take the turns at the same speed as the car. That was a problem, but the bright side is that he was ALREADY in a wheelchair, so, you know
Ran across the field at Safeco when he was 15... made it all the way across, but was tackled in the stands by a "300 pound Samoan"... person, not cookie
Joined the 100 club... drank 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes. I made it to about 75 before I had to throw in the towel... or pass out. Can't remember which
Stole the lights off the top of a state Patrol car... still has them 19 years later
It's been real, bitches, but alas, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, wipe after you go and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
A Los Angeles- area attorney was arrested in Vegas after he, single- handedly, trashed a luxury suite at a hotel. The broken furniture, stained carpets, shattered glass and broken bed cost about $100,000. He doesn't remember doing it, of course, because he was super- drunk. Meanwhile, a 28- year-old man in Serbia ALSO got super- drunk... and THAT'S why he doesn't remember climbing halfway up a 70- foot- high bridge and going to sleep on a 4-foot wide girder. Authorities, very quietly, rescued him. Anyone who's ever had too much to drink, suffered a concussion or had a massive adrenaline rush knows that odd feeling when you have no idea how you got to where you are. Hopefully there's someone around to help fill in the blanks... thus, our question: ALTHOUGH I DON'T REMEMBER, MY FRIEND TOLD ME I ______________.
Woke up in the drunk tank downtown after going to the Solstice Parade in Freemont
Passed out at a party in Granite Falls, but woke up in his bed, 10 miles away in Marysville
Went to Aruba with $500 in his pocket... woke up three DAYS later with $20,000 in his pocket. Apparently, he won big ($56,000) at a casino and spent the next three days blowing through $36,000 via partying. Doesn't remember ANY of it
Peed in his friend's work locker
Camping... fell INTO the fire, picked a fight AND got dumped by his girlfriend all in one night
Went out on a Friday night in Germany... woke up on Sunday... in Spain
Had a 3- way with two hot chicks and doesn't remember a single thing. That's the worst
Danced with a bunch of hotties at a bar, fell all over the dance floor and walked around the bar naked. The aristocrats
Got into a fight with his woman, passed out, but woke up long enough to pee on her and her bed... how did the girlfriend react? They're married now
First time he met his girlfriend's parents, he got piss- drunk and a little outta control, so she put in the shower... he ran out naked to say goodbye to her parents... not that he remembers. On the bright side, that was 8 years ago and they're still together
OK bitches, I'm outta here. Have yourselves a fine evening.
Until tomorrow, stare at strangers and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Michael Douglas, the man who claims to have gotten throat cancer as a result of performing cunnilingus with someone infected with HPV, is now saying that he DIDN'T say that... in spite of being on TAPE saying EXACTLY that. Anyway, faulty science aside, everyone started speculating whose nether- regions Michael was referring to. His ex- wife, Diandra, has already issued a statement that her vagina is free of HPV, so SHE'S not responsible. That marks the first time we know of a press release about a vagina, but I guess she had to defend herself. Justin Timberlake had to defend the size of his penis after breaking up with Brittney Spears, Usher had to fight rumors that he was a drug addict after his divorce and Paul McCartney was labeled "physically abusive" during his divorce from Heather Mills... and all of that might be true, but, let's face it, as break- ups are generally ugly and emotional, so are the rumors about you when it's all going down. With that in mind: WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SET STRAIGHT FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP?
Regardless of what his ex- wife says, he is NOT gay!
He would like everyone to know that he doesn't still hate his ex for walking out. Most of us hate them because they stuck around!!!
He was not responsible for the other's drug relapse
On a dare, he got a Brazilian. A few days later a woman saw it, when it was bumpy and growing back, but she interpreted the bumps as being Herpes
Wants to make it clear that he didn't stay with his ex and additional 2 months because he couldn't bring himself to leave... he stayed for two additional months because the sex was fantastic
He's STILL not sure if the kid his ex had 14 years ago is his
He never spread rumors that his ex was gay... it's when she started dating other women that people figured it out
She's white, her ex is black... when they broke up, he accused her of and spread rumors about her being a racist. In spite of the obvious flaw in his theory, people believed him
He would like it if his ex would stop saying that he hit her
SIT AND SPIN
Ever wonder what the artists you enjoy say about you as a person? Me neither, but that didn't stop Jolene from sharing with us the 'personality traits of fans' of certain types or music or of certain bands. Here's the link for you to see if you agree:
Monday Random Question today, so, as always, instead of trying to recreate that insanity here, I'll just cover some of the choice things we learned today:
According to Ted, soccer player Christian Renaldo is the best looking male athlete in the world.
"Swab your Wookie before sex" is the new way of saying 'check for STD's'.
Ryan Castle (Mr. Robusto) has a strange knack for showing up on our show everyday at 5 o'clock... which, incidentally, is when we pour shots of booze for 'Shot of the Day'
Kenny Chesney attracts some of the most gorgeous women on Earth to his concerts... but this is according to Ted who, like I covered, also thinks Christian Renaldo is downright dreamy
