SHOW # 1691 APRIL 3 2013

Don't stop me if you've heard this before... because you've heard this before... but word is that Jay Leno will be stepping down as the host of the "Tonight Show" sometime next year, paving the way for Jimmy Fallon to take over the 11:35 timeslot.  Doesn't mean Leno won't get his job back, since he has a history of backstabbing every would- be host since Carson stepped down.  Just ask David Letterman or Conan O'Brien.  Leno isn't alone in the 'false promises' category.  Are you one of those people kicking yourself because you'll never get the chance to see the Rolling Stones play live again because you missed their farewell tour?  Don't sweat it... they just announced dates for their UPCOMING tour.  That's OK, KISS launched their farewell tour 17 years and 3 albums ago.  Oh, and Meat Loaf just announced that he's retiring from touring (didn't know he was on tour), so expect to see him on stage in the next few years.  Then again, I said I'd install the new shelf in our laundry room approximately one year ago.  The shelf is no longer new, but it's still in the box.  And in spite of it being April 3rd, there are plenty of people who still haven't done their taxes (Ted) and have already filed for an extension (Ted), but I'm not naming names.  This lead to today's question:  WHAT HAVE YOU PROMISED TO DO (OR STOP DOING) BUT HAVEN'T GOTTEN AROUND TO IT YET?
Promised his daughter that he'd build her a tree house... 4 years ago
Swore that he'd "get organized" when he moved... it's been a year and a half and he still hasn't unpacked
Has been promising to clean the garage since last June... his wife has even bribed him with jet skis and guns, but he still hasn't done it. 
She's been promising herself that she would lose weight and was prepared to do it, but now she has a great booty call who likes her "larger carriage".  Whatever... he likes her vagina
Promised his wife that he'd stop smoking weed.  We asked him why she wanted him to quit and, as expected, she had no particular reason, she just "doesn't like it".  Well, she doesn't smoke it, so what's the problem?  I don't like vegetables, so I don't eat them and have no problems.  I don't ask other people not to each vegetables because I think they suck.  Find that kind of thing very strange
Been trying to quit heroin.  Dude is 19 and started with Oxy's, but they're expensive and he's broke, so he switched to cheaper heroin.  Don't you love Big Pharma can get away with poisoning people?  The difference between them and the dude slinging drugs on the corner?  Big Pharma pays taxes on their drugs. 
Needs to dump his live- in girlfriend but just hasn't gotten around to it yet.
Those were the answers from today.
Do us a favor and check out
OK bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, yee haw and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Topics : Entertainment_Culture
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People : CarsonDavid LettermanJay LenoJimmy FallonMeat Loaf

04/03/2013 5:22PM
SHOW # 1691 APRIL 3 2013
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