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Today is Earth DayâŚ and we donât really care.Â Today is ALSO âBring Your Kid(s) to Work Dayâ, and a few people have done just that.Â Itâs a great idea in THEORY, but in reality, would you really want your kid to see you at work?Â Sure, your kids are probably proud enough of whatever it is you do, but letâs be honest, your job TITLE and what you actually do WHILE youâre at work arenât always the same thing.Â Playing solitaire, checking your Facebook account and surfing porn arenât likely to be part of your job description, but chances are, thatâs what you do for at least part of your dayâŚ and your kids donât need to know that.Â Just sayinâ.Â Meanwhile, Playboy is hovering around the UW campus today looking for college girls comfortable with the idea of middle aged men masturbating to their photographs.Â Thatâs right, the October 2010 issue of Playboy will feature the âGirls of the PAC 10â and I, for one, canât wait.Â However, as I get older (and slightly more thoughtful about such things) I remind myself that while my pants are around my ankles and the unscented hand lotion has been aptly applied, I ask myself, would I be cool if MY daughter were in Playboy?Â Ah kids; every parents goal is to raise their kids to be less of a scumbag than you areâŚ and that leads to our question:Â AS A CURRENT OR FUTURE PARENT, WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT LET YOUR KIDS DO?
Iâm not a parent, but I think I know my personal answer; ANYTHING Iâve done in my pastâŚ and a few of the things I do now.Â I wonât go through the list of my transgressions, but Iâve set myself up to be a hypocrite.Â Oh well.
Now, some of you have kids and some of you donât, but here are the things you forsake your children from doingâŚ meaning these are the things youâre kids will do to spite you!
Will not let his kid become a member of a religious organization
Drive before their 18
Become hookersâŚ a popular sentiment today.Â Just know that your daughter, like all women, WILL use their vagina to get what they want.Â They might not make money with it, but they wonât give it up for free.Â The good news is, your daughter wonât be a hooker, but she will be a slut.Â I kidâŚ mostly.
DrugsâŚ do you really think your kid is gonna share that with you?Â If you do, YOUâRE high.
Be a lawyerâŚ sure, we all bag on lawyers, but the truth is this; if you could trust people at their word or trust people to do the right thing, lawyers wouldnât have a job.
No dates before the age of 17
Cannot make him a grandfather until theyâve completed their education
No drugs harder than weed
Canât listen to the Menâs Room
No reality TV appearances
Join a gangâŚ but what if itâs the Little Rascals
Be a bully
Maybe you heard the show this past Tuesday and maybe you didnât, but Spider- Man stopped by to drop off a bottle of tequila sent to us courtesy of Alice in Chains drummer Sean Kinney.Â Christ, you know what, just watch the videoâŚ itâs too insane to explain.
Spidey has never looked âbetterâ.
Until tomorrow, do whatever a spider can and STAY BEAUTIFUL!â