SHOW # 1034 May 6 2010

“Hola shamedolas,

Bad; you’re a former NFL superstar who got busted this morning for soliciting a prostitute.  Worse; in spite of spending 300 dollars for her services, you rape her anyway.  Tragic; the ‘prostitute’ is only 16 years old.  We’ll just call that the ‘Lawrence Taylor Story’.  Bad; you work for the TSA and have to train on those new naked scanner doo- hickeys.  Worse; during your training, your co- workers notice and begin mocking your unusually small penis.  Tragic; you can’t take the penis jokes and have to go to jail after assaulting one of your co- workers in the parking lot.  That’s the Rolando Negrin story.  Bad; you’re a Baptist minister and a founder of the anti- gay Family Research Council.  Worse; you were spotted returning from a 10 day trip to Europe with a male prostitute you ordered from  Tragic; you deny being gay and the excuse you use is that you hired the man- whore to help you lift your luggage and you have hope that people will believe you.  We’re sure there’s at least ONE bag the man- whore handled, but it wasn’t a suitcase.  Yep.  We’ve all been caught in some type of embarrassing situation and today we asked you to share:  WHAT’S THE MOST EMBARRASSING OR HUMILIATING THING YOU’VE EVER HAD TO GO THROUGH?

I’m not the type of person who gets embarrassed or humiliated too easily as everything I do is absolutely ridiculous.  Nevertheless, I’ve had my moments.  The worst was my ‘farting penis’.  I’d been in the hospital for surgery and upon waking up I discovered a catheter in my junk.  I was not OK with this and buzzed the nurse repeatedly, begging her to get the thing out of my twig.  Eventually she did, but what she didn’t tell me was that the catheter allows air to build up in your junk… meaning, your penis FARTS.  Naturally, I buzzed the nurse immediately and demanded an explanation for why, after 23 years on Earth, my penis was now farting.  It was bizarre and extremely humiliating, but it went away after about two days… and when it ended, I kinda missed it.  A farting penis is just the kind of thing I’d love to have now.  Yea, I don’t know why either.

OK, we’ve been having all manner of technical difficulties today and, quite frankly, I’m tired of dealing with it.  I have no f**king idea what’s going on (which is nothing new) but it’s been a pain in the ass.  Dammit man!

Fear not bitches, tomorrow, computer weirdness or not, this blog will be better.  Actually, don’t quote me on that.

Until tomorrow, rock on, rock out and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”

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05/06/2010 1:29PM
SHOW # 1034 May 6 2010
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