There’s a well- founded belief out there, based on countless examples, that certain people get special treatment when it comes to legal matters, namely the famous and the well- to- do. There are examples of it all the time, whether it’s Lindsay Lohan doing blow in France when she was supposed to be in court, OJ Simpson LITERALLY getting away with murder, Brandi killing someone with her car and just having to say “oops”, and on and on it goes. But there’s one universal truth about the law that transcends even the elite; hit a cop, pay the price. Or as they say in the ‘hood, ‘you get got’. Love that saying. Anyway, we found the truth of that adage (hit a cop, get got) back in 1996 when Zsa Zsa Gabor, one of the most painfully pretentious and self- important celebrities ever, slapped a cop and found her pampered ass in jail. Fast forward to this past Monday when the idiot 17 year old girl in Seattle’s Central District grabbed a cop and got punched in the mouth for her troubles. By now we’ve all heard the story and it’s made national headlines (not because a cop punched her in the mouth but because a major American city makes time to concern itself with jaywalking) and the general consensus has been, “who didn’t know that assaulting an officer will get you got?” The point being, everyone in the world, EXCEPT this particular young woman, is aware that there are consequences for making bad decisions and that’s what we wanted to talk about today: KNOWING YOU WERE IN THE WRONG, WHEN DID YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVED… AND WHAT DID YOU GET?
I tend to live my life like I’m an undercover reporter investigating the effects of karmic retribution (which I equate to any form of consequence) so I have a million answers to this question, but I’ll stick to the one that’s most closely related to the inspiration for today’s question. I don’t remember if it was 1994 or ’95, but, very long story very short, I hit a cop and then his multiple cop buddies worked me over pretty well and then threw me in jail for a night. What did I learn? I learned what the idiot 17 year old girl didn’t apparently know- hit a cop, get got.
Here are some of those moments you found out that doing something stupid (but probably fun) usually inspires a response you don’t enjoy so much.
Hit a cop when he was 17 (like our Seattle girl) and got “educated” by the other cops on the scene (like my dumb- ass all those years ago)
Threw pebbles at his brother and his brother’s response was to smash him over the head with a brick
He was charged with assault and battery at age 15… for punching his 10 year old brother… who pressed charges. Imagine if your siblings pressed charges every time the two of you got into a scrap as kids. Is there anyone who WOULDN’T be in jail?
Slept with his friend’s girlfriend, and then HIS girl cheated on him… karma
Made the ill- advised decision to kick out a cop’s window, and that cop responded by beating the living sh*t out of him
Mouthed off to a cop and got “poked” by the night stick
Got deported from Canada after sneaking into a softball tournament… a truly hardened criminal
Messed with a donkey and got kicked by a donkey. By the way, by “messing” with a donkey, he was throwing sand on its wet ass, which I think ANY animal (including the human ones) would have a strong response. On the other hand, he’ll always have a story about throwing sand on a donkey’s ass.
Ah yes, it’s that time again for New Originals practice. If you don’t know, we’re playing a benefit show at el Corazon on Sunday, June 27th, so, if you’re interested in hearing bad 80’s rock done worse than it was done originally, you’ll wanna be there. Or maybe you just wanna have some beers with us, your choice, but I hope to see you there. It’ll be sloppy fun.
OK bitches, time for me to play some bass! Goddamn I love playing.
Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”