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SHOW # 1158 Movember 8 2010

“Hola,

Perverts rejoice, pedophiles drown your sorrows; in 15 days, America’s favorite buck- toothed teen with a smoker’s voice, Miley Cyrus, will turn 18 years old, making her an OFFICIAL adult.  In the last year or so, in apparent effort to erase the ‘squeaky- clean’ image Hannah Montana created, she’s been acting decidedly ‘adult’, wearing skimpy outfits, being teasingly slutty and, most recently, photographed drinking a beer (a Corona… if you call that ‘beer’) in Spain.  In other words, Miley has been acting exactly like a teenage girl 15 days away from her 18th birthday.  Nevertheless, critics are panning her for acting “beyond her years”.  Maybe, maybe not; according to a recent study, American girls are hitting puberty earlier than ever.  About 15% of girls showed the signs of breast development by age SEVEN!  As an expectant father, this is exactly the opposite of what I want to hear.  Oh well.  If it’s true, then Miley is pretty much right where she SHOULD be… physically, anyway.  There are two authors who believe that, in spite of nature making us develop earlier, technology is making kids develop much slower.  They cite things like the inability to use a can opener, zip a jacket or use an ice cube tray as examples.  In the meantime, we asked you to take inventory of your own life and consider those areas where you were the “late bloomer” or the “trail blazer”:  COOL OR UNCOOL, I WAS _____ YEARS OLD THE FIRST TIME I _________ED.

Learned to ride a bike by 3 years old

Could roll a joint by 12 years old

She’s 22, her 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than her

Was 22 before he got his first cell phone

Waited until 21 to have his first alcoholic drink

40 years old before his first kid… cool, I’m 41 having my first

Flipped his first car at age 15… his FIRST

Lost his virginity at age 14… to his cousin’s WIFE

Started smoking at age 5

Started smoking at age 12

Chugged his first beer at age 8

Had 36C boobs (.)(.)’s by 6th grade… the same year she started smoking weed

Drank mushroom tea at age 3… should be noted he went on to smoke Oxy’s

Saw his first R- rated movie at age 9

Started smoking weed at 10 years old

OD’d on muscle relaxers at age 4… they grow up so young

Got drunk at age 6

Got crabs at age 15… without all the pesky sex that usually comes with it

Smoked crack at 18… congratulations

Lost his virginity at age 7 to a woman who was explaining that he was “healing” her

So, are you a late bloomer or a trail blazer?  If you wanna know, here’s a list of the average age of 10 “things” that people do:

1.        Lose your virginity… age 16.4
2.        Marriage… 27.5 years for men, 25.6 years for women
3.       First drink:  16.2 years old
4.       First cigarette:  17 years old
5.       Drugs:  14.5 years old
6.       First Child:  25 years old
7.       First Kiss:  11 or 12 years old
8.       First Job:  16
9.       First period for the ladies:  12.5 years old
10.   First Masturbatory Experience for Men:  15 years old

Now you know.
Until tomorrow, move it, shake it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”


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11/08/2010 2:42PM
SHOW # 1158 Movember 8 2010
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