Former President George W. Bush’s long awaited memoir, “Decision Points”, hits the bookstores today. In the book, W sheds his version of light on the events that transpired during his 8 years as President, including the response to 9/11, ‘weapons of mass destruction’ NOT being in Iraq, what it was like to work for with Dick Cheney, and how Kanye West was the most ‘hurtful’ person he experienced. Not Osama bin Laden, but Kanye West. I think that tells you everything you need to know. Nevertheless, if you want some ‘insight’ into W’s decision making process, his book is out today, explaining why he did things the way he did. Speaking of explaining why you did what you did, an extremely popular DJ in England got into trouble after he was busted for masturbating on a flight… in front of the other passengers. He doesn’t deny that he “shucked the corn”, but he says he doesn’t remember doing it… and he DID do that, it had to be because of the combination of alcohol and pain killers. If he says so. Who know; maybe he’s telling the truth? We’ve all been in that situation where things looked worse than they were, but we never got a chance to explain the situation. Today we gave you that chance: IF I WERE TO WRITE A MEMOIR, I’D HAVE TO START WITH AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY _______ HAPPENED.
Here are some of the things you believe you need to explain… and, really, you do:
Why he slept with his younger brother’s wife… to be clear, they weren’t “sleeping”
He’s Polish… uses that as an excuse for doing stupid things
Broke up with his boyfriend, got wasted, blacked out, woke up bloody and isn’t sure what happened… although, WE are
After suffering through some “bad” relationships where “complicated” women (meaning ‘women’) treated him poorly, he decided that he wanted to ‘simplify’, so he dated a “mentally challenged” (meaning ‘retarded’) woman for 6 months.
Would like to explain why, in a 5 year period, he was charged with assault, assault with intent to commit murder, premeditated murder, homicide, attempted robbery, attempted armed robbery, conspiracy, possession and possession with intent to distribute. I’m guessing it’s because he’s a murderous, thieving, drug addict, but he says he’s innocent of ALL charges and has no idea why he was singled out. If nothing else, at least get an IDEA of why you were singled out.
He “let” his wife hit him with a car in Germany… he didn’t really “let” her, he just didn’t think she’d do it, but she did it. She also threw the car into reverse and tried to hit him again, but he managed to get out of the way.
Wants to explain why he ended up in a fist fight in the parking garage of the Las Vegas airport
Why he let a friend’s mother give him a bath when he was in junior high school… simply supporting his local pedophile. Awwwwww
Wants to explain exactly why he went home with a tranny… no explanation needed
Really wants to clear up why his mother found him with his penis lodged in the sofa
My favorite call of the day; when she was 18 years old she madly in love with a 22 year- old man. This same 22 year- old man happened to be going to jail on THREE rape charges (relax… two of them were his cousins, one of them was a friend of one of the cousins) as well as attempted murder… OF HER FATHER! She was “young and in love” and believed that her boyfriend was innocent because, well, you know, he SAID he was. It took her two years, but she finally figured it out and moved on to other men. Well, that didn’t work out too well either. She decided that she’s a lesbian now. Seriously.
So, we’ve teamed up with the folks at the Washington state Lottery for a little thing we’re calling Men’s Room Millions… and yes, we’re being optimistic, as there are no guarantees that anyone will win. Nevertheless, we’re trying, so here’s the idea; we asked for a number between 1 and 59 from 5 different callers and a number between 1 and 39 from one different caller to come up with the numbers we’re gonna play for tomorrow night’s Power Ball drawing. We encourage you to play as well. Here are the numbers: 30- 38- 14- 24- 42 and a Power Ball number of 21. Play them… see what happens.
I’ll leave you with that… gotta go for trivia.
Until tomorrow, live and let die and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”