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On tomorrow’s award winning edition of this fine program, we’ll welcome back America’s only LEGAL pimp, owner and proprietor of the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, Dennis Hoff. He’s been a friend of this show for 6 or 7 years now, and, in case you didn’t know, our very own Thee Ted Smith will be enjoying the Bunny Ranch’s services for his 30th birthday. Dennis extended an invitation to Ted, and like any single, heterosexual 30 year old man, he gladly accepted the opportunity to have the best sex if his life. Who wouldn’t? That sounds like one of those unanswerable, rhetorical questions, but it’s not. Ted invited two of his single friends to join him for some hot- buttered, no- strings- attached coitus, and after much hemming and hawing, both declined. I can’t even wrap my head around that decision, but there it is. I don’t own a crystal ball and I can’t predict the future (accurately) but I feel comfortable believing that both will regret that decision. On the other hand, some idiot guy named Joshua Lesuer just wrote an article for www.salon.com explaining why he TURNED DOWN a ménage a trios that his WIFE was pushing for. I can’t pretend to comprehend this guy’s level of ‘prude’ or ‘insecurity’, but he has a 4- page essay explaining both. Still, I think he’ll live to regret it. That’s alright though, life is a series of “wish I hads” and “never got tos”, and today we asked you to share your story: WHAT ONCE- IN- A- LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY DO YOU WISH YOU HAD DONE AT THE TIME?
Party with David Lee Roth… if you like to party, DLR is your guy
Hang out with Hugh Jackman while he was in the NAVY
Had to turn down TWO free trips to Vegas
Turned down an all- expenses- paid trip to Cabo
Could have been in the movie Vision Quest… wait, you’re upset that you weren’t?
Brother offered to fly him out of town on his wedding day… turned it down and had 4 miserable years
Could have lived in Maui for a year
Had a full scholarship to the Berkley School of Music in Boston, but didn’t take advantage
A very milfy MILF was offering up her goods to him at a wedding, but he was there with his parents, so when they were ready to leave, he left with them
Could have invested in Microsoft in 1978… he’d have a lot of $$$ right now, or he could have blown a lot of $$$ on cocaine and hookers
Could have seen Zepplin in 1969 when they played at Green Lake, opening for Three Dog Night
Had the opportunity to lose his virginity to a hot chick but he turned her down… normally I’d call the guy an idiot, but we should point out that her father was sleeping in a Lay- Z- Boy chair down the hall. I think he made the right decision. No way dad was asleep.
Could have hung out with Red Man and Method Man
His lead singer made the executive decision to NOT open for Sammy Hagar at the Gorge… the singer was one of those “alternative/ emo” p*ssies who didn’t feel that Sammy was cool enough
Could have worked for Ferrari in Italy for 2 years… didn’t do it because his wife wanted to be close to her mother. WTF?!? If, as an adult, you need to be that close to your parents, move back in with them. Just sayin’
Could have been a Congressional appointee to West Point
BAD SHIRT WEEK CONTINUES
If you don’t know, all of us are “cleaning our closets”, so to speak, and getting rid of all the clothes we don’t wear anymore. Anyway, we’re doing it all week and here’s Day Two:
Until tomorrow, lick around it but not in it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”